I don’t want to help out with my cousin with special needs
I (27F) currently live at home, and my aunt and uncle live right next door. My cousins (their two daughters) are older, one has special needs. She’s in her early 30s, and has a form of autism as well as other conditions. She behaves and talks at the level of (roughly) a 10y/o child and needs care/staff 24/7. In the past two years, she has gotten her own house and staff support because her previous housing/staffing situations could not agree with her parents on how to handle/respond to her behavioral outbursts (which stem from a deep shopping addiction). She has moved between multiple homes and staffing agencies due to this issue. Her parents have been trying to put together a team for her, still needing to find staff for weekend overnights. My aunt and uncle are very involved in her care, often having to fill in for staff that are unavailable and on weekends. Their other daughter lives about 35-40 min away in a city but often visits on weekends for support especially when they are away.
Yesterday, they asked me to help out with weekends when they travel, specifically overnights and to be an emergency contact. They travel often, they live btwn the US and the Philippines and like to visit their friends around the world. When they proposed the role, they shared that it would be $40/hr, with partial benefits and only when they are out of town. They believe I am an ideal candidate to work with her bc she listens and responds to me well. In college, I helped out on the weekends for 2 years but decided to stop bc I simply do not want to be a caregiver. When they asked me to help out again (they have asked multiple times over the past ~3 years, I decline), my uncle spills about how hard things are (in his retirement he has become his father’s care /case manager) and how great the opportunity is. They’ve asked another cousin to take this role before me, she tried to respectfully decline, and the convo took a turn for the worse - bc of this (and another disagreement at the time) my aunt/uncle and cousin are no longer on speaking terms. She told me they said she “needed this opportunity”, and “we’re not going to stop asking you until you say yes”.
I already help out with administering medication for her when they’re gone and taking her out if she’s lonely while they travel. Being around them and my cousin with special needs all the time, I know they need the help but with other things/stressors on my plate right now, I don’t want to take on the role. There’s also a history of my uncle snapping at me when he’s upset and just not being the most considerate of how he ‘asks’ for help. My aunt is generally more level-headed but has a temper as well (that side of the family is said to have a lot of pride to the point of ‘a chip on their shoulder’ in rlly tense moments). I don’t want to get wrapped up into drama or upset them by declining once again, but they tend to be sensitive about this topic so I’m not sure what to even say.