u/Dependent-Gas-2685

I’ve (39M) been dating my boyfriend
(38M) for over a year now. I love the man so much. From the first day I met him, I just felt this strong connection. We both care so much for each other. We truly want to get married, grow old and live a happy life. We’ve mapped and planned a lot of things for our future because we really want it. Recently, he told me he got off of prep. He knows he wants to be with me and only me. Sounds sweet in some way.

Deep down though, I know he’s not good for me. Early in our relationship, I found he lied to me by getting on different apps. I confronted him about it. After a lot of talking, I decided I would give him another chance. However, recently, I caught him again. He denied it but eventually caved in and told the truth. He’s never met any of the men he’s talked to from what he says.

I know we both will be devastated, but I want this cycle to end. I don’t want to keep thinking in the back of my mind what if he gets on the apps again. He tells me he won’t ever again, but I just don’t believe him. I’ve been low key depressed these last few days. I haven’t had any time for myself to really process my feelings because I’ve been so busy. I find myself breaking down during random times because I’m feeling extremely anxious.

Ive asked for some changes in our relationship, like more spending time together. I don’t see much change in that either.

How do you mentally prepare yourself for a break up? I’m trying to find ways to slowly disassociate myself from him, but it’s hard. I know it’s not going to be easy, but I just want to know what to do and how some of you have done it.

I’ve (38M) been dating my boyfriend (37M) for over a year now. Our relationship isn’t perfect, but we feel very strongly for each other.

Early in our relationship, I caught my boyfriend on Grindr. It was extremely painful for me because we talked about being exclusive and we agreed that we had no need to keep any apps anymore. When I confronted him, he kinda shut down for a while. He really couldn’t give me an answer as to why he still used it and lied to me. He told me he just used it to talk to other people and trade pics but never meeting anyone. It was a while before he wanted to face me and talk about it. After talking things through and being vulnerable and laying it all out, I decided I would try again but was clear that if he ever did get on apps and I caught him, we were done.

From that point, overall he has gotten better with us, even though there are things I have to call him out on. Sometimes he has his moments and doesn’t want to be around anyone. I get that. I tell him that it’s ok to feel that way, but I just need him to talk to me. When things are great, he shows up in ways no one has ever done before and it makes me feel so special. When I think of all the things he does for me and how he has to go out of his way to do a lot of it, it reinforces my strong feelings for him. I truly care about him a lot and we both are willing to do whatever it takes for us to be together.

Even with things going well and the constant talk about our future together, deep down I feel like something isn’t right. I had a really strong feeling something wasn’t right when I caught him on Grindr before I knew he was still on it. I don’t get these strong gut feelings very often, but when I do, they’re usually right when I feel something is wrong or off.

I’ve recently started seeing a therapist to help figure out these feelings and work through them in a better way and just overall my mental well-being. I don’t want to constantly hold the past against him. I know he’s trying to be the best man he can for me. I talk to him about how I feel and he always says that there is no one else out there and has no desire to use the apps again. But then I have this feeling that I can’t shake off. What if he is using other apps but is being very discreet about it? I read all these posts about even the most perfect man isn’t perfect.

Have you ever been in a situation like this? Did you stay with your partner? Did you work things through? Was it better for you to have peace and move on?