My apparent fearful avoidant ex fiancée moved out and broke up with me over the phone while I was on a trip with my mom and blocked me on everything stopped sharing location and told me he needs space… no real reason just said that and left after being so perfect for so long. My therapist told me and the FA shit but I was left in our home alone with zero explanation and a long time ago after a situationship w him he ghosted me then too for over 6 months but this time we lived together and got engaged. Not sure what it’s about or if he’ll be back or u block me. Anyone else ? 😅

Hey! I’ve been in a wonderful relationship for the past 2 years with someone who’s just great. Extremely understanding, fantastic listener, soft and all around caring. He’s been a genuine blessing to my life. However, as I’ve gotten older and my relationship with him has shifted so much, I’ve found myself…becoming more in touch with my masculinity? Or becoming more dom? I don’t know if that’s the right word but I feel as if I can now finally talk about certain topics with other dudes in a completely platonic way. In specific, other tops. I want to actually. There’s also just so much I share with other straight men and I think that might be me as a top. These are things that I don’t think I can share with my boyfriend who is definitely a fem bottom. Idk it just feels off and like something I shouldn’t feel but more and more often I feel like this is who I’ve been forever and I’m just now realizing it. Someone who is deeply in love with men and homoeroticism. And the camaraderie of it all.

Ok so I found out that this man is cheating on his boyfriend with me and lying to me as if they were open., I confronted him after he stole my money and refused to return it., is it ok if I snitch on him?

Hey, guys! I just wanted to share this and maybe you could share your thoughts too. Sometimes I question my existence, what was I really made for? I know as a gay Christian I am made to honor and worship God, how can I change my desire of loving and wanting the same sex if I wanted to please God. I try so hard. I know for some of you would say that God is not even mad of our sexuality, its our actions and decisions that made Him mad toward us. For ref. I am an Asian, single and late 20's, working and trying to build myself alone. I question my existence because I wanted to have a partner that also have the same faith as me. So many thoughts on my mind especially at night when the bed is calling that makes me awake late at night. I put everything on Him, trust Him but I know I always failed and He is always good to me. So many answered prayers, but this desire in my heart haven't yet been answered. Why? Sorry, I just have to share this random thoughts because I know that some of you would take time to give their opinions. Hoping.

What’s your go to date night movie?

So I’m 24M and by Bf is 31M, we have been together for almost 2 years. And 1 year living together. Everytime we’ll see each other we had lot of sex, having in mind we had a long distance relationship and we saw each other every 2 weeks or even further. The first 3-4 months living together, I get. It was like a honey moon. Having sex almost daily, and I consider myself a high sex drive person, on his end. Thru the months this times dropped to once a week or even once every 2 weeks, he started lacking initiative, and that affected my self confidence a lot, he stated it was just winter lack of energy, but Idk, like on my end I feel like I’m constantly even now craving or initiating to have sex, he constantly just stops me or tell me “chill out” if I’m being to initiating, and it’s just been a little frustrating. I understand he works a lot, but so do I, and I’m not doubt full of his feelings, but i just can’t deal with this sexual “frustraition”. Like has this happen that you love each other ? But sexual energy becomes a miss match ?

we have talked about being open, like I’m fine with it, just private casual hookups, but for me it’s annoying falling into details as what he is doing or did with XY person, and same me sharing datails, it turns out that he is not into that, and he actually would like that if he goes out to bars, to be free to make out and men and end up at their places to hookup (while I mind my business at home) and like to me it just feels annoying knowing my bf is publicly showing this “open” behaviors, While I like more the private stuff, and like at the end he just got upset and told me to keep close then, From experience and opinions, what’s it to handle different sexual needs? Is this fair ?

My boyfriend (22M) and I (22M) have been together for about 7 months, and I genuinely can’t tell if I’m overthinking everything or if something actually feels off.

For context, when we first started dating around September, things felt very intense in a good way. He was always trying to impress me, nervous about what I thought, very affectionate, very physically into me, etc. We mainly only saw each other on weekends because I was in college, so every time together felt exciting.

Sexually, we had a really good connection. A lot of kissing, oral, affection, making out randomly, touching, all of that. One thing though is that he’s always had some anxiety/performance issues around finishing. If he starts thinking too much, gets nervous, stressed, or feels pressure, he struggles to finish. He’s also on antidepressants, so I don’t know if that contributes too.

Then around 2 months ago, I started noticing a shift. Less random affection, less spontaneous kissing/making out, less initiating. He used to literally come over just to kiss me and say stuff like “I just wanted to make out with you.” That kind of thing barely happens now.

At the same time, he was under HUGE stress. We’re moving in together soon, he couldn’t find a job for a while, finances were stressing him out, and during one emotional conversation he even said maybe we should break up because he didn’t know if he “should be feeling more,” and because this is his first relationship, he doesn’t fully know what love is supposed to feel like.

That absolutely crushed me.

But afterward, he basically walked it back and said he thinks stress got to him. He said he DOES love me, wants a future with me, wants to move in together, is sexually attracted to me, etc. He reassures me constantly now.

Another important thing: during that breakup conversation, he admitted that part of the issue sexually was that he felt like our sex life had become too centered around pleasing me and giving me oral, and that he didn’t feel as included or desired in the way he personally likes. He’s much more submissive sexually, and he basically said he wants me to take more initiative and “go after what I want” instead of constantly asking for reassurance or trying to carefully plan/initiate sex.

Recently he even told me that me being hyper-aware of every little thing and constantly trying to discuss/schedule sex is making it feel less natural and less appealing in the moment. He said he wants things to feel more spontaneous and “in the moment” instead of analyzed all the time.

For example, he literally said sometimes he’d rather I just confidently initiate instead of overthinking everything first.

The issue is… I still can’t stop focusing on the behavioral shift.

We also have sex less often than before, and because of everything that happened, I became hyperaware of every little change. I started asking for reassurance a lot. Probably too much. But every single time, he strongly insists he’s still attracted to me and still loves me.

I even directly asked him if he had sat down and thought about whether he’s still sexually attracted to me, and he basically said he doesn’t need to “think” about it because he already knows he is.

But then my brain goes: “If that’s true, why does he feel less affectionate now?”

Part of me wonders if this is just:

• the honeymoon phase ending
• adult stress
• moving stress
• living together temporarily at his parents’ house
• sexual anxiety/performance pressure
• and me becoming hypervigilant and unintentionally making things feel “high pressure”

Another part of me is terrified he’s slowly losing feelings and I’m just getting reassured while ignoring signs.

The weird thing is, the more insecure I get, the MORE affectionate I become toward him because I’m scared of losing him.

So I genuinely can’t tell: Am I overthinking and accidentally sabotaging a good relationship because I’m anxious and constantly seeking reassurance?

Or does this actually sound like someone slowly losing attraction/feelings?

Do long-term relationships and sex naturally go through phases/ebbs and flows like this, especially during stressful life transitions?

And honestly… what should I even be doing here? Pull back? Relax? Trust him? Stop analyzing everything? Or is this the kind of situation where I should be considering walking away?

I really love him and I feel like I’m driving myself insane trying to analyze every tiny change.

I honestly don’t know how to feel right now and I need outside opinions.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. Earlier today, right after he got out of the bathroom, I saw that he had opened a porn site on his phone. Normally maybe I wouldn’t think too much of it, but lately we’re rarely intimate anymore, and seeing that really hurt me.

I can’t stop thinking that maybe he’s not sexually attracted to me anymore or that I’m just not enough for him. It’s not even necessarily the porn itself, it’s more the combination of that plus the lack of intimacy between us lately

Hey guys, looking for some perspective from people who've been here.

I'm 28, this is my first proper relationship with labels. My boyfriend is 25, only came out about a year and a half ago, and his previous sexual experiences were all hookups through Grindr while he was closeted. We've been seeing each other for 2 and a half months and made it official about a month ago.

The intimacy has been building - we've done some soft stuff sexually and in general there seems to be compatibility between what he likes and what I like, he stays over usually one night on the weekends. But we haven't had penetrative sex yet.

I find myself wondering if the pace is about his history because of sex that was always emotionally disconnected from any real relationship and whether integrating the two is just new territory for him.

On one side, I found it really sweet at the beginning, we didn't do anything sexually maybe six weeks in really. But emotionally I find myself feeling unsexy sometimes, maybe because in my past situationships we were always jumping down each others pants multiple times within the same night. I'm also usually the one initiating physically this time.

Is this a patience thing? Is this a compatibility thing? Has anyone navigated something similar with a partner who came out later and had a very different sexual history to what they're experiencing now in a relationship?

I know the main answer would be to talk about it, which I'm getting to, but being that I can be anxious about certain things I'm just trying to get a feel for the whole thing.

I’m 21, and sometimes I feel kind of stuck on something I should’ve moved on from a long time ago. My first real crush was a guy named Mateo. Nothing ever truly happened between us, and maybe that’s exactly why it stayed with me for so long. He was one of those people who changes the way you feel about love without ever really being yours. Human brains are ridiculous like that. They turn unfinished stories into lifelong emotional artifacts. 🙃

Ever since then, I’ve wanted to find someone I can genuinely feel happy and at peace with. Not some perfect movie romance. Just someone who makes me stop feeling like I’m constantly waiting for something to finally begin.

The embarrassing part is that lately I’ve felt even more delusional. About a year ago I went to the U.S. for vacation, and ever since then I’ve had recurring dreams about some random American guy. I’m Mexican, so even I have to admit it sounds absurd. My subconscious apparently decided to create a fictional foreign man to haunt me while I’m trying to study and function like a normal person. Incredible use of mental resources there. 😭

But honestly, I keep wondering if it actually happens for people. Like, does that moment really come where you meet someone and things finally click? Because I genuinely feel like I’m starting to lose hope a little.

Has anyone here ever felt this close to giving up… and still ended up finding their person?”

Hello,

First of all thank you for taking the time to even just click on this.

I’ll try to keep this concise, but essentially, my boyfriend (of 3 years) has told me occasionally that he would like to have a threesome, and he likes the idea of group sex.

This ain’t something I’m necessarily opposed to, it’s hot when I (sometimes we) watch porn with multiple people. However, it’s not something I have thought of doing in reality until he mentioned it.

I think there are some important factors that should be mentioned about our relationship as follows:

1.) I am “out”, I don’t hide my sexuality, but I also am selective with who I tell, but I have no true reason to hide myself. On the other hand, he is closeted to everyone in his personal life (religious family, and he is afraid of his friends finding out incase they inadvertently tell him family). We moved to a different state last year and began living together. In the outside world, he and I are not “hidden”, we hold hands/hug/kiss in appropriate settings around the general public, but when it comes to his personal life I am a compete secret (family, friends, work). On my end, my family, friends, and work know I am in a relationship, with varying levels of details depending on who (at work it’s very general, no full name or anything like that, just “my boyfriend X”., all the way to him having met my parents a few times.)

2. Recently he admitted to me that he wants to be together forever. I’m not sure what that looks like in reality, I have things I want, openness, marriage, etc. I don’t know how he and I could move forward with his boundaries, as well as my - almost oppositional - boundaries. I have always respected his life situation and never pushed him or gave him any ultimatums to come out. I don’t think either of us knew how deeply we would fall in love together, but we both feel as if we’ve found soulmates in each other (we’ve come a long way to now be at the point where we live together in a different state across the country).

3. He isn’t exactly romantic. He’s very loving and affectionate and supportive generally speaking, but certain occasions aren’t important to him (ex Valentine’s Day, anniversary, among other items I won’t spend time going into detail about). He will acknowledge these days and be very sweet, but I’ve never gotten like flowers or a card or anything like that. Anytime these days roll it’s really up to me to plan stuff or do something “sweet”.

4. He and I have discussed our sexual history prior to meeting. He was more of the type that did hookup with people off of Grindr, he doesn’t talk much because I think he thinks I’m going to judge him. He’s a very handsome well built guy, so it’s no question to me that he got attention and he took up on this opportunities. I don’t like making statements on my appearance (quite self conscious), but I also have had grinder prior to us dating (we me on tinder), and I can say that I also got quite a bit of attention. However I was always the type that rejected hookup culture in the gay community because I always viewed as sex to be the easiest thing to get in the gay community, whereas I wanted to give myself a genuine connections which is what I thought would be much more difficult and sacred to find. I appreciated the attention on the apps, but that was enough for me, I didn’t do hookups because I wanted to keep my history “respectful” for my life partner. Thats not to day I didn’t date and explore, but it was never done I’m a way where I didn’t know the persons first/last name (he said his body count could be around 50’s, where as mine is a definitive 6). He thinks that we’re both attractive and could do this together and just have fun, whereas Im just not inherently someone who feels like the need to fulfill myself with casual sex. Please do not think I’m judging him or anyone else for their sexual habits and preferences, I’m just trying to convey that we have had two different approaches to how we view dating/sex.

I definitely could keep rambling, but those are the biggest talking points I wanted to mention, so now to the advice.

This is something he has not pushed me on at all, he’s said straight up our relationship is way more important than this thing, and that at the end of the day our relationship is the priority, and he wouldn’t want to do anything that might jeopardize it. I’ve also tried to meet him halfway, and we both talk about hot guys we see, and giving him permission to give cash to go-go dancers when we go the club, and he seems very appreciate that I can understand this side of him.

However, given the talking points above, I don’t know if I feel secure enough to do this? I’ve had to live in the closet on his end which has required me to place a lot of trust in him, given that I don’t get to meet his friends, go on trips with them, do anything with his family, never met his coworkers, etc. I do trust him 1000%, and trusts me, but I can’t help but feel like, if we bring a third into the “bedroom” it would be exposing and making vulnerable what i do hold onto in this relationship. I cant help but think that if I was an integrated part of his life, then maybe I would feel more secure. Having a threesome to me would feel as if I’m giving up the one thing I value and have. I feel like I would be sacrificing myself (causal sex activity) in a direction that he wouldn’t sacrifice in his other direction (accepting me into some part of his life), if that makes any sense.

I’ve tried communicating that to him, but he doesn’t really acknowledge it because I think it makes him anxious to think about him having to be open, or meet
me somehow halfway. So then the 3-some convo disappears, until a few months will lass by and then we basically have the same convo all over again and then rinse and repeat.

I know people will have comments to say about dating someone in the closet, which I can understand. However, we are aware of the nuances, and i cant say what will realistically come in the future. I just know that we both are deeply in love and want to find a way to do this forever.

Essentially, I’m curious what other people think. Is a threesome something that can truly be casual? If you were in my shoes, what would you be comfortable doing? How can I approach this internally, and externally with him so that I’m not left feeling like shit, and he isn’t left feeling like I’m not willing to be adventurous?

Thank you VERY much for reading this if you made it this far, and my apologies if any parts of this is repetitive or confusing. I typed this out in one shot and said “post”

I’ve (39M) been dating my boyfriend
(38M) for over a year now. I love the man so much. From the first day I met him, I just felt this strong connection. We both care so much for each other. We truly want to get married, grow old and live a happy life. We’ve mapped and planned a lot of things for our future because we really want it. Recently, he told me he got off of prep. He knows he wants to be with me and only me. Sounds sweet in some way.

Deep down though, I know he’s not good for me. Early in our relationship, I found he lied to me by getting on different apps. I confronted him about it. After a lot of talking, I decided I would give him another chance. However, recently, I caught him again. He denied it but eventually caved in and told the truth. He’s never met any of the men he’s talked to from what he says.

I know we both will be devastated, but I want this cycle to end. I don’t want to keep thinking in the back of my mind what if he gets on the apps again. He tells me he won’t ever again, but I just don’t believe him. I’ve been low key depressed these last few days. I haven’t had any time for myself to really process my feelings because I’ve been so busy. I find myself breaking down during random times because I’m feeling extremely anxious.

Ive asked for some changes in our relationship, like more spending time together. I don’t see much change in that either.

How do you mentally prepare yourself for a break up? I’m trying to find ways to slowly disassociate myself from him, but it’s hard. I know it’s not going to be easy, but I just want to know what to do and how some of you have done it.

“I’ve been in a relationship for about 2.5 months with a guy who comes from a very different background and lifestyle than mine. Last night something happened that really bothered me: at 10 PM, he went out in the rain and cold, walking around downtown with a friend to buy weed, stayed out for hours, and treated the whole thing as completely normal and casual.

The issue isn’t just this isolated event, but the pattern it represents: smoking during the week, drinking on work nights, sleeping late even when he has to wake up early, and generally living in a way that feels very impulsive and adolescent to me.

At the same time, he’s extremely influenced by his environment. When he’s with me, he tends to live a much healthier, calmer, and more organized lifestyle. But when he’s around his friends and the place where he lives, he becomes a completely different person. That leaves me torn between thinking: ‘maybe his environment is pulling him down’ and ‘maybe this is simply who he really is.’

I genuinely like him and we have many positive aspects in the relationship, but I’ve noticed that my admiration for him decreases when I see these behaviors. And for me, losing admiration in a relationship is a very serious thing.

My question is: am I being controlling or overly judgmental for being this bothered by it? Or can differences in values and lifestyle realistically become a major long-term issue? How do you tell the difference between having healthy boundaries and trying to change/control your partner?”

I’m currently going through something in my relationship and wanted some honest feedback from others, especially from people who may have gone through something similar.

My partner and I have been together for almost 10 months now. We’re both men, so yes, this is a gay relationship. Overall, he’s honestly a great partner in many ways. He’s thoughtful, caring, detail-oriented, and we’ve spent a lot of quality time together. We’ve gone on short trips, hang out regularly, and emotionally I do feel loved by him.

But there’s one major thing missing: we’ve never had sex.

I’ve tried initiating it a few times, but every time it starts heading in that direction, he either stops it or changes the subject/activity completely. We’ve talked around it a little, but never deeply enough to really understand what’s going on. I don’t want to pressure him into anything, but at the same time intimacy is important to me and it’s starting to affect how I feel in the relationship.

For context, we live in the Los Angeles area. He’s in Hollywood and I’m in North Orange County, so I’m usually the one driving out to spend time together.

I guess I’m struggling with whether this is something worth continuing to work through, or if I’m ignoring a major compatibility issue. Has anyone else experienced this before? What would you do in my situation: stay and keep trying, or walk away?

Everyone wants a hookup or FWBs. One guy asked me to be his "femboy". I didn't want to change myself over a guy who clearly wants a girlfriend, he's even told me that he wants girlfriend. He wanted to get me heels and get my nails done, which I already paint my nails, I just dont wanna wear a dress, heels, makeup and have a wig on just for him lol.

Hey! Do you want to voice your opinion on subscription options of LGBTQ+ dating apps? 
My name is Thomas and for my Master thesis, I am conducting research on users’ experiences with subscription options for LGBTQ+ dating apps. Completing the survey will only take about 10 minutes and your answers will be anonymous. By completing the survey using the link below, you will help improve scientific knowledge on this topic by sharing your own experiences. 
https://surveys.tilburguniversity.edu/jfe/form/SV_cBVajrINSD1dEBU 
If you could share the survey with other potential participants, it would be hugely appreciated. 
Thank you in advance!

Context

My bf (27m) and I (25m) have had a very rocky and complex relationship, making 2 years in about 2 months. I won’t get into much detail, but when we both met, we unknowingly were both addicted to Xtina (big problem in the community btw let’s speak on it). We found out within a week of meeting, and as you can probably guess, we both felt like we didn’t have a secret we thought we’d have to hide from each other, and instead had something addictive to bond over.

I was told near the start of our relationship from my former SD who is a therapist with a specialization in couples and sex addiction, that a relationship that involves this addiction never works out . I thought I understood why he’d say that, based off my common sense. But almost two years later I realized he meant that in a completely different way

To make things as brief as possible, I just want to make one things clear. We had many issues. We bickered, accused, and all sorts of other toxic things neither people in a relationship should act or be acted towards. Yet with all of these issues, infidelity, atleast from my end, was never something we fought over. Our arguments were over mostly petty things intensified by the poison this substance kept feeding our trains of thoughts, but never over another person. Like hardly ever. Most I seen was entertainment towards others from him. Which most see as bounds of cheating. Although not wrong I was secure in myself knowing he knows better than that

Fast forward, the start of our 2026 was very rocky, and traumatic for me specifically. I’m not getting into specifics but I felt very betrayed and unloved by him. I was homeless around this time due to something that happened, and of course? I was still getting hi gh to cope and be able to endure it . It took me about two times to officially tell myself I quit within a month or two, until it took me getting help from nonprofits for housing to get sober. To enjoy my blessings and fruits of my labor sober minded . In other words, to enjoy life as me. Not an addict. The day I went through with it was 115 days ago, and I haven’t looked back since (: I feel happier, less secretive, and just a strong individual who made the decision to undo the dependency I had on this substance to make life bearable. Not so long after, he followed suit. And I’m extremely proud of him. If you’ve never had experience yourself as an addict or have had someone in your life with addiction as well, you probably could attest that these things are far from easy.

For Those Dealing w Addiction ❤️

Some people are blessed enough to get there sooner, so whoever is going through something similar, just know you’re not the first nor will you be the last, and as long as your faith isn’t fully compromised by the disease , things will get better in due time. Just take it a day at a time. Hell, take it an hour at a time, whatever works best for you. But every second, minute, hour, day, week, month and year that’s passed is a milestone . Down to the milliseconds. If you’ve ever been to an alcohol or narcotics anonymous meeting, you’d know that they have this notion that they’re addicts, in or out of addiction and I’m not a big fan of that POV. You’re human. Who suffered or is suffering a disease called addiction. I don’t like the idea of still labeling one an addict after years of sobriety, just bc there are lingering thoughts of using again. It comes off as being okay with being labeled something that ruined your life, and being okay with being apart of that percentage of people who make up addicts. In my personal opinion of course. Got side tracked just thought this would be important to add cause I know how bad addiction is in our community.

The Cut -Off

I digress. As I was saying…

Before my partner followed suit, I told him I didn’t want anything to do with him as long as he was still using. Told him we both need space as individuals to achieve sobriety, bc it should start as a personal journey first. Why? Cause we’d both be triggers for eachother if one was clean and the other wasn’t. You know ? I blocked out a lot of memories I could recollect during that time bc I tend to do that as a trauma response , but ultimately he betrayed and slandered and lied on my name online in reaction to my decision. Come to find out , that reaction happened bc of a relapse. Anyways, as any other person would do, I felt he went too far. I felt unloved. I felt things were no longer bent, but broke 100%. I felt like I wasn’t worthy of many things, and you know, it sucks to feel that way, especially in this particular context.

I blocked his number. Changed my number, which now I think about, he still doesn’t have bc I limited his contact to merely iMessage, where he could text me or FaceTime me but it’s received by my email. Blocked all socials. Went full no contact. Rightfully so. He’d email me but I wouldn’t reply . But you just don’t stop loving a person overnight.. so of course I would anticipate his emails, bc it made me feel like he was still there as much as my boundaries allowed him to…

Before I let him talk to me in person, I let many things off my chest which I hope he still takes into consideration. Mind you, this was my first time seeing him in over 60 days, so I was a bit nervous.

Only reason I let him was bc he owned up to a lie that pretty much was weighing heavily on us at the time, and when he told me the truth, I saw some change right then and there

He would’ve took that lie to the grave in the past

Rekindling

So we spoke and he cried . Genuinely hurt. I would feel the regret I felt he lacked. The resentment I felt he lacked. The remorse I felt he lacked. The reality of his truths I felt he would never let himself face. I’ve been with this man for a while, so I know when he fake cries, real cries. But this time it was different. The way he cried, I’ve cried the same way before . So I knew exactly what he could’ve been feeling but I know the most painful and dominant feeling he did feel was not self hatred, but just realizing the pain you’ve caused to people you wish you could take back. But you can’t; he felt remorse and regret.

I cried. One, I hate to see my partner sad it makes me sad. Two, I’m emotional. And three because I saw growth and an attempt to actually make us work. Cause at this point we were both sober. But the thing that I couldn’t just brush off what he did to me when he relapsed it hurt me. Yet, I love him still. And we’re still working on things and we spent the weekend together.

I loved it. It was a dream. The spark that was there in the beginning was back. We weren’t tweaking. We spoke respectfully to each other. We laughed. Cuddled pretty much the whole time, and just showing each other how our love looks when it isn’t tainted by addiction. It’s beautiful. Knowing what we’ve gone thru to even get to that level of peace and serenity, it brings me so much peace and relief to know our love for each other wasn’t a product of our addiction

We were two damaged souls who have had a twisted view on love, due to our similar upbringing . How to love, what is love, and what isn’t love. I still don’t have a solid personal definition of love , but I do know that what I feel for my bubba is unconditional love

This is where I’m conflicted tho.

Conflict

I found out he hooked up w someone while on break, which I got over. Bc it was a while ago and I mean we were on a break? But yesterday , he was putting photos in his photo album from his Polaroid camera I gifted him for his bday, and our Photo Booth pics we took at a baby shower.

I see a page however, of a Polaroid picture of some guy I’ve never seen before. I’m guessing they were on a date. At a restaurant that looked fancy. We went to red lobster the other day and he didn’t take a photo of me like that so I felt like I wasn’t as important. So I asked him about it and he kept saying it was no one. Which I already knew was bs bc he was trying to not get me to see the photo .

I really didn’t care after like the third time asking. I just went quiet and was very sad. And hurt. He told me he would cut those photos up (which I believed he only had one) and I said I don’t care if you do or don’t it doesn’t change the fact he was still in that album, you didn’t forget about that page bc you passed it when adding your photos, and if I hadn’t said anything, he’d still be in there. And he literally put photos of us on the very page behind . He then cuts them up and I hear multiple photos being cut, which made my heart drop bc why is there more one .

He then went to target so I looked in the trash to see the photos. I seen they went to the movies together, to eat, like he was giving him the date I probably have failed as a boyfriend to give first, and it hurt more knowing this isn’t the only person during that break

Am I overreacting? That guy seemed to be important enough to him to still be in the photo album. He called him a rebound. Which did not help bc now I feel if something happened between us, he has his rebound… /: and I’ve never been insecure in these type of situations, but I am rn I don’t like it. It’s humbling and not in deserved way . I feel he looks better than I do, he’s probably nicer and yaps less than I do (you think this is information overload, have a convo w me in person), and they went on dates. Which we hardly did ): Which is partly due to me being a homebody.

I know it isn’t cheating bc I set my boundaries, but I still held it down for him. Dumb of me to expect the same from him bc he wasn’t obligated to. I didn’t feel the urge to do anything w another guy to get over him. At all. I just feel like I don’t know what he’s been doing while apart or who he’s been with or if he’s texting him still . And I know a lot of this is rooted in jealousy but idc I’m jealous . I forgave him. And I do. But it’s being okay with it not knowing the full story if that make sense

But like is it still wrong of me to feel these emotions ?? I don’t want to feel like I made the wrong choice. I love him. I love how much he’s shown he’s changed. I love himmmmm. But after seeing the photo I’ve been confused

—-

TL;DR:

My boyfriend and I, both former addicts, have had a rocky 2-year relationship. Ive been sober for 115 days, went no contact after he embarrassed and slandered me online. He is currently sober like me, had shown genuine remorse, and we recently reconciled with a great sober weekend, and the love I felt in the beginning seemed to come boomerang back

Yesterday I peeped Polaroids of him on multiple dates (dinner, movies) with another guy during our break. He called it a rebound and cut them off. I’m now deeply insecure, jealous, and hurt — especially since I stayed loyal and know this isn’t the only guy make my stomach turn, literally

Are these feelings an overreaction, or valid? I love him and see real growth, but I’m confused. I don’t want to make him feel guilty for trying to move on but I need advice

Throwaway because… obvious reasons.

I’m 23, international student from South India, been here in Melbourne for over an year now. I’m down low. Not by choice, really. I tried coming out to one friend someone I’d known for years, thought would get me. They completely flipped. Haven’t talked since. That kinda sealed it for me. So yeah, I’m careful now.

Somehow I still convinced myself to put my face on Grindr, Hinge, whatever. Took months to work up the courage to even do that. Thought maybe if I’m upfront, people will be too.

They are. Just not in the way I hoped.

First it’s the bios: “only Asians” and when I text thinking that India is a part of Asia or so was the geography that was taught to me and they reply “Dude I’m only into Asian”, “no Indians,”“locals preferred.” Like I’m reading the rules to a game I’m not allowed to play. I leave my face up anyway because hiding feels worse. But I still don’t tell anyone irl. So I’m stuck in this weird middle visible online, invisible everywhere else.

And when it’s not racism bingo, it’s just “host?” at midnight from faceless profiles. I know these apps are mostly/meant for hookups. I’m not clueless. But I didn’t think “connection” would mean sending nudes before someone asks my name.

I’m shy. I overthink every message. I delete the apps, then redownload them a week later because the silence in my dorm is louder. Part of me wants to meet someone. Part of me is terrified I’m not cut out for how fast, cold, and brutal this is especially when I can’t even be fully open about who I am.

I’m not asking for a fairytale. I just didn’t think I’d feel more alone after trying to put myself out there.

To other down low guys, shy POC, international students — how do you even do this? Does it get less soul-crushing? Do you just grow thicker skin, lower your standards, or is there actually a way to date without feeling like shit about yourself?

Not looking for pity. Just… tell me I’m not the only one stuck between being visible and invisible at the same time.
Did anyone actually figure this out without losing their mind?

I don't even know where to start to be honest. Just found this out by accident yesterday. We planned to meet today.

So to start off, I'm in my early 20s seeing a guy in his late 30s for the past 5 months (im Local, he's European). We text every single day, see each other multiple times a week, and it never felt like just sex. Yes we have sex everytime we meet but we also do normal things... go for coffee, cinema, sit and talk for hours...

He was always consistent too, checking in daily, apologizing if he disappeared or replied late. It felt emotionally involved, not casual.

The complicated part was always that we’re both gay in the Middle East and he has a very high-level diplomatic job. He was extremely private and compartmentalized from the start. He never told me what his real job was, only vaguely said he worked in “business,” and I later found out the truth myself. He still doesn't know that I found this out. We only talked on Instagram (his alt account) I never even got his local number because he said it was “only for work” and instead gave me his European number.

There were already things that confused me:

-We never defined the relationship

-He sees other guys (apparently only seeing me now since a month)

-No label or clarity

-Extreme secrecy (which I get considering his job and where we are)

But despite all of that, I still genuinely believed I meant something to him. He told someone I know that he liked me the most out of anyone he’d met and that he had never talked to another guy as much as he talks to me. And I'm sure I get "priority" over other guys he has.

And then yesterday I found out he has a wife.

Now suddenly all the secrecy makes sense in the worst possible way. The compartmentalized life, hiding his identity, never integrating me into anything real, keeping communication limited to Instagram, avoiding labels, avoiding clarity all of it feels completely different now.

What’s messing with my head is that none of it felt fake. The consistency was real. The emotional connection felt real. Five months of daily communication and seeing each other multiple times a week doesn’t feel casual to me. But at the same time, finding out someone has an entire hidden marriage makes you question literally everything.

I haven’t confronted him yet because I genuinely don’t even know what to say. He doesn't know I found out. Still is texting me as normal and as affectionate as always.

What the fuck am I supposed to do? I don't even know what to think. We planned to meet for today. Why are men like this.

so three weeks ago, my (25m) boyfriend (23m) broke up with me very suddenly after my birthday weekend (my birthday was on a friday, we celebrated and hung out friday, saturday, and sunday, and he broke up with me that following monday). this came very out of left field and left me very frustrated, annoyed, hurt, all the things.

we planned to hang out that monday and grab some dinner. he then came over to my house with my things and broke up with me. as i was dealing with the initial shock of everything, he said “well you’re not responding so i guess i’ll just go.” our almost year-long relationship was ended in about roughly 3 minute conversation.

i then called him once i had something to say (this was probably 5 minutes after he left), and i asked how this came on so suddenly. he said that there were things that he needs that i can’t give him and there are things that i need he can’t give me. when i asked him to elaborate on it, he said that he didn’t want to talk about it and hung up the phone. about a week later, i sent him a text giving him my piece. he has not responded and we have been no contact ever since.

now in processing all of this, my sister said something that i can’t necessarily shake away. “it sounds like he met someone else or was cheating on you and wasn’t telling you to leave unscathed.” now, ex is huge homebody, but he did just complete a very long run of a 4-man show at a professional theatre in our area (we are both actors). i am currently in a production there later this summer, and there are a couple of people from his cast/team that are in my cast. 3 of the 4 men in his cast were gay (and the 1 straight guy is questionable) and he would regularly refer to one of them as “hot frankie” (character name in the show).

now, do i ask the guy in my cast if he noticed anything suspicious going on? they closed the show about a month ago. would something be going on? i’m not even sure what i would do with this information. this whole situation revealed several red flags about him, so i’m pretty much over him and am not planning on contacting him in any way. what should i do?