I [M23] and my partner [M22] have intimacy issues and I don't know what to do
I've been with my boyfriend for 1.5 years and its been an amazing and loving relationship, this is someone im considering spending my life with, so I feel very conflicted about our intimacy issues.
We barely have sex, I can count a handful of times in the past six months and I'm very understanding of a low sex drive and this wouldnt be such an issue except there have been circumstances surrounding it that made me feel very unwanted and honestly frustrated.
- We don't have any sexual intimacy at all. Like no second base, no grinding, no making out, no sexual flirting at all. When I suggest we should just make out and kiss a little in bed he agrees untill I iniate then he backs off and rejects and I dont wanna push it.
- He waits until Im gone or asleep to jerk off. Ive explained that this is hurtful to me. Especially if Im asleep next to him that feels like such a betrayal that Im right there but he doesnt want me. I suggested masturbating together but he hasnt really been open to that. It just feels super shitty that he basically needs me gone to get off.
- When we go out partying and get home, he always wants just wants to sleep. Unless we find a guy to have a threesome with, then he's suddenly up for it. It makes me feel like he doenst want me unless someone else is around and makes me search out for guys to hook up with just so I can have his attention. This feels awful.
- A couple of occasions when we do do something sexual, if I get him off before me, he'll just just turn around and forget about me. I don't have an explanation for this, we talked about how this is not okay but I havent gotten a proper answer on why this happens.
This all sounds super negative, but I do need to preface that I know he loves me, we have a very loving relationship and his family is now practically my family. I have access to his phone and were together all the time so I know he would never cheat on me.
I dont want something as superficial as sex to be a dealbreaker but I cant picture my forever like this. How can I approach this? And when do I just choose myself and break it off?