Am I going crazy? 20M struggling with 25M bf
I (20M) met my boyfriend (25M) on Grindr in November 2025. We were talking a bit and then moved to instagram pretty early. We had our first date in the beginning of January and have now been officially boyfriends for 6 months now.
He is my first boyfriend and I had never had sex before him either. From the beginning I got jealous of his past relationships/sex life and recently it's been getting a lot worse and has started to affect my mental health. Something that really bothers me is that he is best friends with his past situationship (they never slept together but it really gets to me). Every time they hang out, it eats at me. I dont want to make him choose between me and his friend either so I feel stuck. I have brought it up before and my bf reassured me but his past sexual history still haunts me. I stalked my bf instagram posts and comments from other men in his past really gets to me.
Also, he is 25 and I am 20. He obviously has more experience and he knows a lot more about general life things like tax etc. whilst it's helpful, I sometimes feel incompetent or childish. I am still in university and he has a full-time job so we are in different life stages and sometimes it does get to me a bit because I feel like I am still figuring out who I am. I have no idea who I am and I feel like I am changing myself for him (this might just be in my head though). Alas, it still kinda bothers me.
I have really been struggling with my mental health recently and ruminating a lot. I overthink everything as I am scared of him not loving me as much as I love him or settling for me. I have a lot of healing to do and I find myself engaging in kinda toxic behaviours but need advice on what to do about the relationship and how to fix myself. I have been stalking his socials, location and going through his phone. If he doesnt text back fast enough I j feel so anxious and my replies become dry to "punish him." then I feel bad and guilty. I have realised I acc don't like anything about myself and I just need advice.