Am i 1E or 3E maybe 4E?? or It's all 3V's fault.
I've tried to think about it, and I still can't find a solution. During my elementary school years, I'd guess I was a 3E, maybe even a 1E. Back then, people saw me as smart. But whenever a new lesson came up and nobody in class could do it, including me, I'd suddenly burst into tears. The emotions would completely overwhelm me and ruin the rest of my day. I was deeply ashamed of crying like that, but I couldn't control it.
I often lied to my mother about why I cried. One time, I told her I had fallen down, when in reality that wasn't why I was crying at all.
In middle school, I had a friend group, and that was when I started experiencing feelings of being an outcast. I constantly tried to hold back my tears. Even something as simple as a friend raising their voice at me or ignoring me could make me cry. It was embarrassing. There were two times when I had emotional outbursts, and when people asked why I was crying, I refused to explain. The reason was them. I felt resentment toward them, but I didn't want them to feel upset over something that probably seemed small or ridiculous.
There was also a period where I genuinely believed my friend group hated me. One friend would yell at me constantly no matter what I did, and during that time, I cried all the time. Strangely though, once I got home and changed environments, I wasn't sad anymore. I'd just relax and play on my phone like nothing had happened. Human brains are ridiculous like that. One location turns into a psychological war zone, another turns into “hehe scrolling peacefully.”
But there was another period that affected me much more deeply. I knew there would be school activities where I'd have to stay away from home and spend long periods around people whose feelings toward me I couldn't read. Their behavior felt erratic. They borrowed my things, yelled at me, acted unpredictably. During that time, even when I was at home, I became extremely depressed, to the point where my parents noticed. I'll skip the details of that part.
I'm much better now, probably because my environment changed.
Back then, I typed myself as 4E-2 because I liked listening to other people's sad stories. I felt that listening was a way to make people feel less alone. At the same time, I thought it was easy to fake emotions, whether laughter or sadness. I also typed myself as 3V because I saw myself as “third-level” in every aspect, so I blamed almost everything on 3V instead.
Recently, something happened that made me reconsider the concepts of 1E and 3E again, though I won't go into the details for now.