WIBTA for calling out my friend's ungrateful behavior and setting boundaries?
Hi everyone, I (M22) need advice regarding a long-time friend.
I have a very small circle of friends; it’s basically just one group. One guy in this group is the person I’ve known the longest. We met through gaming and found out we lived close to each other. Over the years, we got along well. However, as time went on, I wanted to go out and experience things more, while he just wanted to stay home and game. Nowadays, we play card games one evening during the week together with some other friends.
I feel like this guy is incredibly ungrateful. He’s an only child and was definitely very spoiled by his parents growing up. Over the years, we went on vacation together a few times. We always took my car. I never had an issue with that, and I didn’t even mind paying for gas since I prefer driving anyway. But looking back, he never once offered to split the gas with me.
This year, for the first time, we went on vacation using his car. I offered to pay for half of the gas. He kept saying, "We’ll talk about it later." Since he didn't bring it up again before the trip, I figured we were good.
During the vacation, things got weird. On the drive there, we stopped at a gas station. I went to buy chips, and when it was time to pay, he just tossed his items onto the counter with mine, as if it was completely obvious that I was paying for his stuff too. I was a bit perplexed, but since he was driving, I just paid. This kept happening throughout the trip. I’m pretty shy, and I just can't bring myself to address things like this in the moment.
After the trip, I thanked him for driving. A week later, he asked me what the plan was for the gas money. I told him that since he never got back to me, I thought it was settled. Okay, you could argue that was just a communication breakdown.
But then last week, I won tickets to a sports game and asked if he wanted to come along. All I got was a simple "yes." No "I'd love to," no "thanks for inviting me"—neither before nor after the game.
It's the same thing during our game nights. When I bake muffins for everyone, every single person says thank you, except for him. Recently, I invited everyone over to my place and cooked a 3-course meal. Everyone else asked if they could send me money or bring something along. He didn't. I declined the money anyway, but the others still brought small gifts to be nice. He brought nothing.
I truly enjoy doing these things, and I have no problem baking muffins or paying for gas when I choose to. But would I be the asshole if I tell him that I’m going to stop doing certain things for him if I never get a "thank you" or any sign of appreciation? Is it wrong of me to expect that? I always say thank you for everything because that’s how I was raised, so I’m not expecting anything that I wouldn’t do myself.
WIBTA?