I’m so ashamed of myself.
As the title says. I was off 7oh for 4 weeks. It was hell getting off of it. I had to do a rapid sub taper the first eleven days of quitting and the first week was so hard mentally. When I finally made it out of the clear I got off the subs and used kratom powder to help ease any withdrawal from that and continued to use the powder. I was hooked to the powder before 7-oh but after going through the hell 7-oh put me through, financially, physically, and mentally I figured it be easier to quit the powder this time around. And when I got cravings that where to intense I would buy a opms black or cryo shot and it would help big time. Well a couple of weeks ago I started hanging out with a friend I haven’t hung out with in a couple years and she gave me a few of her vyvanse medication. I myself have adhd and used to be prescribed adderall for it but got off of it because I would abuse it. When I took the vyvanse it reminded me a lot of adderall and when I would use adderall I would mix it with kratom powder or extracts. I made the bright decision to take 7-oh to enhance the vyvanse euphoria. I didn’t take 7oh again after that until a couple of days later. And then I hung out with that same friend again and ended up having a night of doing coke and well to come down off it I ended up taking 7-oh again. And since then I haven’t stopped taking 7. I have been back on it now for a couple of weeks and that’s all it took to get me dependent on it. I’m considering doing a rapid sub taper again for five days but it’s my last resort. I’ll give kratom powder a shot again to help ease the withdrawals. I know it might not help fully but if it helps just a little I won’t have to rely on subs. I know people say just to do a taper with the 7-oh but I know myself, that’s not possible with me. I’ll just end up using more because I’m not getting the feeling I want. That’s my addict brain for ya. I won’t resort to cats claw because it’s just as bad if not worse than 7-oh. I’m already feeling the depression and anxiety 7-oh brings even while using. And even though I know it’s the 7 making me feel this way I still use it. I hate this. I hate that I relapse and makes me feel so hopeless and bad for myself. It’s a never ending cycle it feels like. But during those weeks of being off 7-oh it felt so freeing. I’m now seeing my triggers to make me want to use again. With all that being said I feel very ashamed of myself and now I have to work hard again at getting off this shit again. Any advice will help but please don’t be disrespectful. I’m already feeling like shit and don’t need to add on to it.