I (M30) checked my girlfriends (27F) phone, did not expect what I found...
Hey all - First time posting here, could really use some advice and I welcome any perspective on the situation.
Me and my girlfriend have been together 7.5 years, our 8th year anniversary is February 2027 when I was actually planning to propose. We also have a house and mortgage together.
Recently things have felt off, like she's distant with me both mentally and physically. She had major knee surgery a few months back and was in pretty bad shape, so I put it down to that. I was basically her carer for 5/6 months up to now following the op.
I was packing clothes away recently when I found a vape. This is something she knows I have strong views against, both smoking and vaping. I didn't raise it, but have found a couple since. This led me to look at her phone, as I saw an app flash up that was focused on recovery from the vape issue.
Usually looking at a partners phone is a massive no for me, I felt awful. Whilst on it I came across some messages on insta and Snapchat with an ex partner, who she's continued to speak to. The worst in my mind was around a year back, on her birthday when she was with me, where they're back and forth about how they could meet up at his place or a hotel - but I have no confirmation if they met. This one is particularly bad with me, as it was a week before the year anniversary of my mum passing away in an accident. The thought that she was doing this at all, let alone close to that makes me feel sick... The fact that these messages are on Snapchat too makes it suss. There were also drunk messages to a guy from her home town to pick her up and "go home together", with loads of missed calls back and forth between them on a night I wasn't with her.
I honestly feel awful for breaking her privacy and checking her phone. I'm not sure what to do, we've both been through a lot together. Anyone who's had a similar situation? I plan to confront her calmly tomorrow. Thanks a lot in advance.