Exploring non-monogamy with my boyfriend, but now it involves my cousin and I’m confused
Hi, I’m 22F and my boyfriend is 23M. We’ve been in a loyal long-distance relationship for 6 years.
Over the years, we’ve both been curious about exploring fantasies involving other people. We’ve talked about these things and sometimes incorporated them into our conversations, but it would often lead to insecurity or fights, so we never really figured out how to explore it in a healthy way.
Recently, I noticed that my boyfriend was generally losing interest in sexual conversations and we weren’t having those kinds of conversations much anymore. Then I randomly told him about a hot dream I had involving someone from my office. He became really interested and excited, and we started talking about it together. I genuinely enjoyed it too, and it felt like something changed between us.
Because of that, I suggested that I could try talking to other people too. I installed Hinge, spoke to a few people, and discussed everything openly with my boyfriend. Honestly, I really enjoyed seeing that side of him and also enjoyed the attention I was getting. Eventually the conversations became boring, so I deleted the app.
I then encouraged him to explore too. I wanted him to experience that excitement and hoped it might also bring some of that energy back into our relationship.
He asked me if I would be okay with him talking to my cousin.
I said yes because I trusted him, and I genuinely wanted him to explore something he was curious about. He started talking to her, and apparently she is also attracted to him. She had apparently been interested in him for a while but didn’t make a move because she didn’t want to hurt me.
They’ve now talked about keeping things casual and seeing where it goes, potentially flirting online or meeting if they both feel comfortable.
I knew this was possible when I agreed, but now that it is actually happening, I feel awkward and a little jealous.
At the same time, I don’t want to restrict my boyfriend just because I’m experiencing feelings I didn’t anticipate. He has been transparent with me about it, and I’d rather have honesty and communication than cheating or secrecy.
But I’m struggling to figure out where my boundaries actually are.
How do you deal with jealousy when you’re genuinely supportive of your partner exploring other people? How do you distinguish between a normal uncomfortable feeling that you should work through and a boundary that is telling you something isn’t okay for you?
I’d really appreciate advice from people who have actually navigated consensual non-monogamy/open relationships.