Watching my dad drink himself to death.. and now he's alone (long post)
TW: Abuse/Suicide/Sexual Abuse
My dad has been an alcoholic since I was a kid. I'm 31 now and he's 69. He verbally and mentally abused my mom since I can remember. Last year, he got his bloodwork back and his PSA doubled and something about a questionable result with his stomach. He's a narcissist so he lied and said his bloodwork is great. He also has had high BP for 2 decades (not sure if he still takes his meds) and a heart doctor this year on a stress test said his aorta grew and only 40% of his heart is working.
He's rapidly declined since those tests and drinks more than ever before. He calls out of work very frequently (idk how his boss is ok with it). I haven't lived at home since I was 18 but my mom still did. He drinks all day and night. Lately, he goes to bed on the couch (which my mom prepares for him) around 6pm, moans and moans, wakes up around 1am and starts to drink again. He then calls for her all night, barks if she doesn't come downstairs. He's constantly saying he's doing to die and that he has stomach cancer. He also got lost driving home from his daily bus stop back in the fall and didn't know where he was. That's only happened once that we know of.
He calls her all day long. We had dinner a few nights ago and he called 60 times. She was staying with me for a few nights while I was visiting and he could not stand he was alone. She does everything for him -- cooks, cleans, brings him his drinks. Everything. He keeps asking what time or day it is when he calls nonstop back to back within seconds even. He asks if he has to work tomorrow then complains he's almost 70 and working. When I came to the house a few days ago, I saw how insanely drunk he was and a piece of his private area was hanging out on display. Complete loss of self awareness. He just eventually takes off his pants when he's wasted and is just in his underwear. He doesn't even go on the computer anymore or watch tv the last few months. Noises also severely bother him. He cried when he drove us a few days ago and there was traffic (he was sober, we think). Fecal stains are all over the bathtub (unclear why), and he often says blood is in his stool. He is also nauseous daily for like 2-3 months now and it keeps getting worse. I also noticed that he shakes if he doesn't drink. I do believe he also has hallucinations with his short term memory loss.
My mom slept with the door barricaded nightly and I did too while I was visiting. She gave me a fire blanket and told me which window to jump from if I had to because of a nearby tree. I slept with a huge knife and pepper spray next to me. She sleeps with 2 pepper sprays, car keys, and phone in her pockets for years now.
We've had to run several times because of his abuse -- we got scared, he threw plates, etc. But my mom always came back. We don't have any family in the US. This weekend was the final straw when he got fully nude and tried to do what you can imagine, verbally saying what he wants to do. She just ran out the door with just her phone, car keys & pepper spray. He used to sexually assault her when I was a baby, lying next to her.
Now, he keeps calling and texting me he is alone. Making suicidal threats (he's done this since I was a child). Every time he feels sick or says he will die, we ask if we should call 911, and he says no I'm fine. He refuses to seek help. He has a huge belly and when he moved up & down, you can see like this what looks like a tumor or something on the top middle of it. He's incredibly weak. He's lost his leg hair too which I think could be related and has very skinny arms and legs.
My therapist recommended today that I go no contact. I just don't know how to move forward with it. He is a monster and I know that. I love my mom deeply and care for her safety. What I'm sharing barely even covers half of the abuse both of us experienced but I'm finding it hard to understand why we were sucked into it for so long. Change is obviously hard to navigate and the fact that his body is failing makes it all the more difficult to watch.