u/Devilsweeping

I'm finally bothered enough by this memory to tell others, lemme state that no, I didn't do anything,

but why? why would she say that.

for context, my older sister had a terrible case of encephalitis and she was in a coma, thankfully she recovered and was allowed to leave the hospital, she was unable to move or really communicate when we brought her home, she was still reliant on a trachea tube and stuff.

she was sat In my old room, as we moved to our second house to be closer to her hospital, when she was released, we all moved back to the old house and she took my room, so I was pushed to the guest room outside the laundryroom, technically my room had a door to hers.

fast forward a bit and I noticed my sister was tearing up as I walked past the door , the normal door, so I told my mom , she checked her out and then the incident happened.

I find alot of my worse memories come from telling her normal shit and then she takes it as a way to villainize me

why? does she just wish I wasn't born or something? was it genuinely not enough that I was born early and the doctor's were like "he has a decent chance to not make it through the night"

I understand that her daughter was literally comatose and it caused her a lot of stress even when she was at home and considered stable, but why did I have to catch strays and why did it have to be something so disgusting

it's been 5 years since then

in the same day, she was also talking about the mother dog having an issue with her milk, making her puppies sick, yet can't fathom that I wouldn't be responsible, and could NEVER fathom that unvaccinated puppies outside in dirt, drinking bad milk might y'know, be bad for their development.

this started when I was like, 8 years old, I let one of my mom's puppies, a Chihuahua puppy mind you, sleep in my bed, I woke up in the middle of the night and found that I rolled over the puppy in my sleep , I was scared and ran to my mom for help as soon as I saw what I'd done

I expected solice and she insisted I did it on purpose and from that day onward she would tell me I'm sick and going to hell anytime a puppy or kitten died of a cause she wasn't even remotely sure of.

"well I don't think it's parvo, so you probably did it"

can you imagine having your own mother accuse you of this stuff for no reason and then having to dig a grave, Im sure my relationship with death got worse because of this, it made me numb or something idk

I let her tell me that for 17 years until I just lost my mind apparently