Glass child as an adult
Hi,
I have a younger brother who had complex medical needs. I was often alone or left with family members for months on end in middle school and high school while my brother got treatment for his illness.
I got married and moved away asap. I still have a decent relationship with my family (it’s cordial and whatever). But now my brothers living with my family again. And my parents have zero time for me. I have to beg them to come visit and spend time with their only grand child.
We never ask anything of them. Except to dog sit a few times a year so we can get away. We recently went on an anniversary trip for our 15 years. Our 5 year old came with us because we have no support or child care. We had to beg my parents to take the dog. They agreed and now they’re making it extremely difficult. They texted us seconds after we pulled in our driveway from our trip to come get her. Because THEY were planning a last second get away.
I guess I just need to vent because friends don’t understand how shitty it feels. It’s almost retraumatizing. To ask to have help or a need met by your parents and you’re immediately a burden. Meanwhile my siblings are constantly taken care of - taken to dinners, help with moving, shopping trips. Etc.
I don’t perform the way they want me to anymore so I get nothing.
I know I should just stop asking them to keep the dog twice a year but I keep holding onto the fantasy that they’ll want to show up for me in some way.
They wouldn’t even properly quarantine so they could come help when my son was born in 2020. They said they had to keep working but meanwhile they were out at the neighborhood bar every night. It’s also painful watching everyone around me get so much love and support and help. Meanwhile I have to pay to outsource it all (sitters, dog sitters, help when sick, etc).
It’s just a weird and shitty grief when your parents are living and right there and capable but choose not to. While also pretending like they’d move heaven and earth to help you.