u/DiegoSNZL

Hey everyone! I'm back with my third attempt. I received a lot of valuable feedback on my previous post and applied it to this new query letter. For reference, here are my first attempt and second attempt

As always, I would really appreciate any feedback you have. Thank you in advance!

Dear (agent’s name):

I’m seeking representation for FIX HER, a 93,000-word psychological horror thriller. Told from multiple perspectives, it follows a grieving mother lured to an isolated mansion by a teenager obsessed with replacing her dead daughter. The manuscript combines the unsettling exploration of motherhood found in The Push by Ashley Audrain and the toxic family dynamics and twisty suspense of What Lies Between Us by John Marrs.

One year after losing her thirteen-year-old daughter, nurse Emily has convinced herself she has moved on. She spends her days helping online strangers move past their grief, yet she ignores every call from the teenage son she refuses to admit she blames for the tragedy. When an online friend begs Emily to care for her sick fifteen-year-old daughter, Luna, Emily agrees to spend a few days at the family’s isolated mansion in the woods.

But Luna isn’t just sick. Her body is covered with bruises and cigarette burns, and Emily becomes convinced that she’s being abused by her own parents. Trapped without a car or phone service, she searches for a way to get Luna out. She won’t let another girl die.

The closer she looks, the more Emily realizes that child abuse is not the worst thing happening inside the mansion. The supposedly cruel parents begin acting like prisoners instead of abusers. They’re suddenly terrified of their own daughter.

When her own son is kidnapped and dragged to the mansion, Emily finds out far too late that she isn’t there to rescue anyone. Luna lured her there. Luna chose her. Emily will be the mother Luna has always dreamed of. They’ll be together forever.

Now Emily must play the role of Luna’s loving mother—or Luna will kill her son.

I’m a Chilean author with a degree in screenwriting. FIX HER is my debut novel.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Hey, everyone! This is my second attempt. I think my previous attempt didn't really reflect what the story is about. I was too afraid to spoil a plot twist that happens 44% into the novel, but that twist recontextualizes everything that came before and changes the story's trajectory, so I feel it's necessary to include it. I also added a one sentence pitch at the beginning, but I'm unsure if it works or not. I would really appreciate any feedback. Thank you in advance!

Dear (agent’s name):

A grieving mother is lured to an isolated mansion by a troubled teenager determined to become her dead daughter.

One year after her daughter’s death, nurse Emily has convinced herself she has moved on. She spends her days helping online strangers move past their grief. If she could do it, so can they. She ignores her son’s phone calls, but not because she blames him for his sister’s death, obviously.

When an online friend begs Emily to care for her sick daughter, Luna, Emily agrees to spend a few days at the family’s isolated mansion in the woods. But she soon realizes that Luna is not just sick. The girl’s body is covered with bruises and cigarette burns. She’s being abused by her own parents. They’re killing her. Emily won’t let another girl die. Determined to save Luna, Emily searches for a way to get her out.

But Emily has it all wrong. It’s not Luna who needs saving. She lured Emily into a trap. The cruel parents aren’t abusers, they’re prisoners, unwilling actors in the girl's sick story. Luna isn’t a victim, she’s the one in control. She’s a traumatized, disturbed teenager obsessed with replacing Emily’s dead daughter.

Emily will be the mother Luna’s always dreamed of. They’ll be together forever.

Now, with her surviving son kidnapped and dragged into the mansion as part of Luna's twisted fantasy, Emily must play the role of a loving mother to an unpredictable killer—or risk losing the only child she has left.

FIX HER is a 93,000-word psychological thriller that combines the unsettling exploration of motherhood found in THE PUSH by Ashley Audrain, the toxic family dynamics and twisty suspense of WHAT LIES BETWEEN US by John Marrs, and the isolated setting and emotional depth of THESE SILENT WOODS by Kimi Cunningham Grant.

I’m a Chilean author. FIX HER is my debut novel.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Hey everyone! I just finished my first novel and I'm getting ready to send it out to agents. I would really appreciate some feedback on my query letter. Thank you so much!

Dear (agent’s name):

Emily's daughter is dead, but she's fine. She really is.

A year after losing thirteen-year-old Mia, Emily, a 38-year-old nurse, spends her days helping online strangers move past their grief. She ignores her son’s phone calls, but not because she blames him for Mia's death. That would be ridiculous.

When Christina, an online friend, begs Emily to care for her sick daughter, Luna, Emily agrees to spend a few days at the family's isolated mansion in the woods. But as soon as she arrives, everything feels off. The mansion is dirty and neglected, scratches scar Luna's bedroom door, and an unmarked grave sits near the house. Worse, Emily begins to realize that the warm, empathetic friend she thought she knew never really existed. Waiting for her is a cold, menacing woman who refuses to even give her the Wi-Fi password.

When Emily examines Luna, she understands why the girl seems on edge all the time. Emily discovers that Luna’s body is covered with bruises and cigarette burns. She’s being abused in her own home by her own parents. They’re killing her. Emily can’t let another girl die.

Without a car or phone service, Emily needs to find a way to get Luna out before her injuries are beyond healing. What she doesn’t realize is that child abuse is not the worst thing happening inside the mansion—and that Christina didn’t bring Emily to heal Luna, but to fix her.

FIX HER is a 93,000-word psychological thriller that combines the unsettling exploration of motherhood found in THE PUSH by Ashley Audrain, the toxic family dynamics and twisty suspense of WHAT LIES BETWEEN US by John Marrs, and the isolated setting and emotional depth of THESE SILENT WOODS by Kimi Cunningham Grant.

I’m a Chilean author. FIX HER is my debut novel.

Thank you for your time and consideration.