u/DifferenceOdd9246

I graduated high school today. I had a good time and all, but my family forced me to go to dinner after. I didn’t want to go because I’m scared of ordering my own food. And yes, I am 18 years old and yes I am embarrassed of myself for this. I mean I can’t even order at a fucking restaurant wtf. I’m so fucked. How am I ever supposed to get a girl friend??

When me and my family sat down the waitress came and asked us if we were celebrating anything. My mom says “his graduation” and pointed at me. The waitress then asks me “what school do you go to?” The moment she asked I knew I was fucked. I couldn’t even get a breath out and I looked to my mom for her to answer for me and she just didn’t. There was no way I was gonna get the name of my school out, so I just gave up and put my head down. It was wayyyyy more embarrassing than it sounds.

What makes this all much worse than it sounds is that I never stutter in front of my family. Maybe once every 6 months, and it’s NEVER this bad. This time was fucking humiliating. It ruined my whole day and I sat there the rest of the dinner staring at whatever the fuck was around while I reconsidered my entire life.

I just can’t imagine living my life with this for much longer. If I can’t even order food at a restaurant how will I be able to work a job? How will I be able to find a wife? How will I be able to be happy?

I just don’t get it… I’m a good person. I try my best everyday to be a good dude, but I get nothing but bad in my life while people so much worse than me get to live their best lives. Somebody tell me how that’s fair please?? I’m usually a religious guy, but it’s getting harder and harder not to curse God these days because of what he continues to put me through.

Something that leads to me not be able to relate to most other stutterers is that nobody else seems to be as covert as I am. When I read other people’s posts on here it almost always seems like they are very open about their stutter to others.

For me it couldn’t be more of the opposite. I rarely ever stutter out loud. It’s only when I have to do a presentation, say my name, if I’m asked a question where I need to ramble on, certain words, and a few other things.

I’m very blessed that it’s not as severe as others have it, but my goodness when I get even slightly anxious everything goes to shit. I can’t even get a word out.

So, I’m able to go through a normal day completely fine, but I avoid and avoid and avoid any and everything that could possibly make me stutter.

The hell of being a covert stutterer at least in my experience is that NOBODY KNOWS. My family knows, but they don’t really know because I NEVER stutter in front of them.

I’ve been lucky enough to make great friends in school, but I’m an awful friend and I don’t even mean to be. My best friend asks me to hangout with him every week, but I always say no because I’m too scared I will stutter in front of him. I’m genuinely an awful friend. I’m lucky as hell to have that dude as my friend still.

I’ve been stuttering my whole life, but nobody knows that it fucks me up so badly that I make Reddit posts about it all the time.

Anyways… just let me know if any of you guys or girls go through this. I’d love to hear about it!