I don't see myself as a husband and getting married. How do I communicate this to my parents?
From India
So 3 days back, it was my birthday, and I turned 29. My mom tried to initiate the discussion about marriage but I straightaway denied talking about it.
**Some background**. I have speech issues and I stammer. This has been a lifelong thing, and has impacted almost every aspect of my life, because you got to talk for everything, right?
My entire academic life was eclipsed by this issue, and I've been extremely conscious because of that. As I grew older, the negative experiences over time had a big dent in my confidence.
Then came a time (COVID lockdown), where I had ample time with me to do something about it. I practiced and practiced and practiced. Got control over it, and the next 2-3 years were the best thing that happened to me. Got a job (I work in the IT sector) after finishing my Post Graduation, and even though the new environment was overwhelming, my confidence with my speech helped me glide through that initial phase (everything being online also helped, maybe).
Over time, I made some great relations there, I was seeing myself achieve everything that I once dreamt of. I was confident, leadership trusted me, I was that go to guy for any tough implementations in my team. And during this phase, it wasn't like I had complete control on my speech. I still stammered badly during phases, but delusional me thought slowly this will also go away since I was gaining confidence in my work.
Decided to switch, and 3-4 offers (big thing for someone who struggled so much with his speech). Joined a big 4 in 2024, and slowly everything started to fall apart.
My speech came back to haunt me, and I didn't have any answers this time.
2024, and till July 2025, it was still okayish, as despite everything, I could still communicate.
But the last 9-10 months have been a nightmare. Took speech therapy a few months back, but managing such tough workload with therapy didn't do much wonders for me.
2-3 years back, I was seeing myself grow in confidence over time, and today, I see opportunities slip away just because I have a defective speech. It's so bad I can't communicate properly with my leadership with any issues. The only thing keeping me alive in my work are my technical skills, which is still somehow respected, I believe. But I've lost the leadership's trust because of this, and this is icking me so badly. Personal life is a mess. I don't have the confidence to call friends and maintain relations.
I have almost 5 years of experience, and everyday I just thank god that I didn't get fired and I earn a decent amount (1 L/M).
Got a surprise promotion in April, but not even for once I thought I deserved it.
Even though my current manager told me he and the teams support me, and credit to them, that they not for once have called out this issue negatively.
But they don't trust me either (and that is understandable).
I've lost all my confidence to go and talk to people. I know I've got to work on this, and get all of it back.
The point is, with all the issues I'm facing in my personal and professional life because of my speech, I don't think I should marry. And I'm not saying it with any kind of self pity.
I think, this is the most practical decision for me, as I have to make sure my career comes back on track first. I can't even think of starting a family where my own career, my own confidence, is so unstable because of something that is a part of me.
With ageing parents, career, health, handling so many responsibilities with a defective speech is a nightmare in itself. How can I think of taking such a big responsibility when I'm not sure about the future.
The point is, I'm into corporate, and I have realised that if you can't speak well, no one takes you seriously beyond a certain point. I've lost opportunities because of this (as I mentioned above).
The point is, I don't have it in me at this point to initiate marriage discussions, where arranged marriage is my only resort, and it's like advertising yourself in the market, where people look for perfection.
I could see an ocean of opportunities 2-3 years back, but with this hitting me like a truck, I don't have it in me anymore to fight it just to be good enough to enter the marriage market.
Without hurting them, or looking like a rebel, how do I make them understand this? I care about them a lot and I don't want to hurt them, but at the same time I want to make them understand my decision.
I see the pictures clicked on my birthday, and I could see so much affection in my mother's eyes, that I want to talk about this very carefully.
**TL;DR**: I recently turned 29, and when my mother brought up marriage on my birthday, I wasn't ready to even have that conversation. I've lived with a stammer all my life, and while months of dedicated practice during COVID helped me build confidence and succeed professionally for a while, the past year has been an emotional and professional setback as my speech difficulties have returned and started affecting my work and confidence again. Although I'm still valued for my technical skills and have even received a promotion, I no longer feel secure in my career or in myself, and I don't think it's fair to take on the responsibility of marriage when I'm struggling to regain stability. This isn't a decision driven by self-pity but by practicality—I want to rebuild my career and confidence before considering such a life-changing commitment, especially when arranged marriage is my only realistic option. My biggest challenge is explaining this to my parents, particularly my mother, without hurting them, because I know their concern comes from love, and I care deeply about their feelings