u/Electronic_Laugh_168

fuck this disability.

All this suffering just to die in the end. Like what the fuck god? seriously?! life’s already hard enough. but NOOOO you decided to fuck me over even worse by giving me a disability only 1% of people have.

I FUCKING HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!

I don’t wanna hear “don’t let your stutter hold you back“ or some bullshit like that. because this is different. it’s literally pointless for me to try because I can’t use it regardless. ill be limited to just reading and writing and that’s not fun.

fuck stuttering

guys im not trying to be negative, but literally only 1% of us out there have a stutter... this is bad guys like really bad. like... ineffably bad.

I've never felt this much despair until now, but it has finally dawned on me that I will never achieve my full potential because of a physical limitation, So I give up man, idc what happens to me, idc anymore. Stuttering has finally won me over man, i fought as long as i could.

that's all i had to say really, because words are starting to lose meaning for me. I feel the spiral of depression getting ever deeper. and im on medication too.

Also depending on the language youre speaking in... 15 seconds irl is enough to say 2 sentences at least.

my life would be so differently if i was fluent. Im still searching for the answer to this stutter despite being constantly told it isnt fixable.

Title.

I keep thinking, and i keep trying to find repreive from my suffering. Especially from a philosophical standpoint because that is all i have. But im starting to realize... that there is no answer... there's no philosophy that just makes the pain go away. It's like im forced to "thug it out" and that's all i will ever get. I keep asking why? why me? how do i live with this? but the ony answer is that i just have to. And that doesn't help at all.

Im trying not to spiral even deeper into my depression, but at the same time when i try to cry. nothing happens... no tears fall. They used to, but not anymore. I wonder if there is truly any depths to depression? is there a rock bottom under the rock bottom?

Im scared this is going to be my enitrely life.

A lot has changed since my last post on Reddit... I uhh, I discovered something that was kept secret from me for a long time.

And I'll share it with you, and fortunately atleast my message will reach 1 person who may get it.
Now before I say this, I want to make a big disclaimer. I'm not claiming that this will quote on quote "fix" your life, but it will hopefully put in some perspective.

I have come to fully believe that Happiness is a choice. It's a choice we must actively choose every moment that we can. And I know this might sound like "cope" or just "wishful thinking".
But if you look at it from a more philosophical perspective It starts to make sense.

Humans are animals... we are not special, we are not better, we are not anything... we just "are".
The difference between Us, and an Ant is physiological (obviously). but on a metaphysical level i beleive there is no "difference" on the hierarchy. Our worth is just as much as theirs.

I'm not trying to push any weird spiritual stuff on you guys, I'm actually not spiritual at all, I'm not Religious at all. I think that Humans are largely wrong about the reality around them. I think that our minds are limited to our biology, therefore making truth claims on things such as religion makes little sense to me. It's like putting the cart before the horse.

If you can change the "vibes" you can change the logic. Imagine being on a beach listening to some of your favorite songs in a beautiful sunset... that doesn't make you depressed does it? Because you're experiencing something that changes your vibes. versus being alone in your room late at night having an existential crisis because you are part of the 1% who can't talk "properly".

What happened with me was that i realized that my vibes... led directly to my thoughts... my extremely dark and pessimistic thoughts. So I choose to think happily... imagine myself on a beach... i listen to uplifting music. Younger me, would be laughing at this post rightnow. And hearing myself say "Think more positive thoughts" sounds crazy. But I truly mean it. This is not some attention seeking post, this is me being genuine. like I seriously intend on thinking positively instead of negative.

This is sort of how CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy ) works, you go to the therapist... and overtime they make you change your perspective on things, but they let you lead yourself to that.

I'm still a nihilist... I don't think any of this matters, but I most definitely refuse to be miserable. If I could go to the beach and be happy... why can't i sit in my dark room at 1Am on reddit... and choose to be happy?

I wish you guys well, Im not sure if i will make another post on here.... Im not sure about many things. But stuttering is one of those things that.... you could choose to be fine with... even happy about.

It's okay to feel emotions... just don't let the bad ones take over your life. Remember you are just human... not perfection.. and that's okay.

Farewell, my friend. 🙂

Completely defeated by stuttering.

All of my hopes and dreams were contingent on me being able to speak fluently, and now that ive tried EVERY FUCKING THING to make this stutter go away.... and it CLEARLY plans to stay. I now know that i will never be happy. So im not fixing to lie to myself and trick myself on any metric to stop hating stuttering "as much". No, fuck that. FUCK STUTTERING DUDE! like what planet are you guys in this sub living on? What makes you think someone can learn to "accept" something as embarrassing, and limiting as a fucking stutter? This sub is treating this like IM THE PROBLEM. lol, that makes no sense. IM not CHOOSING to suffer because i hate my stutter. no, im being FORCED to suffer BECAUSE of my stutter, which MAKES ME hate my stutter.

Im not trying to spread any negative ideology by the way, Im just being honest about my thoughts and my opinions. This is philosophical not some weird movement im trying to start, so stop brushing this off with basic platitudes, no i want real answers that aren't absurd.
Newsflash (All of them will be.)

So really im just here to see if anyone agrees with me.

Title really, but I want to address the elephant in the room with this community.

To put it as bluntly as I can, there is no one-size fits all answer to the problem of stuttering. There is no solution I could offer you, and that is what most people are here for. But if we were to be honest I don't think that trying to get people to like their stutter, or not view it as something bad is not reasonable either. Pain is not some choice when it comes to the embarrassment and frustration of having this disability.... you can't just ignore your natural proclivity, of not liking how your speech sounds to others.