First time meeting a metamour went poorly, now my husband's guilt is killing me.
First off, I want to bring up that I am not new poly. My husband, lets call him J, and I have been practicing for 10 years, but we had a recent style shift. He identifies as demisexual, while I am fraysexual, so I tend to have more casual connections while his will be deeper, more emotional, and few and far between.
For the past 2 months, hes been long distance dating a long time friend who lives on the other side of the country. Since he hasn't had anyone he wanted to get this involved with since the early days of our relationship, I was incredibly encouraging and supportive. When he said his new partner, let's called them C (they/them pronouns) , was coming over for the week so they could see what their chemistry was like, I was over the moon excited for them. I knew J wanted to shift to a Garden Party style of poly (we had been practicing parallel since day 1), so I pulled all the stops to make this person feel welcome. I cooked all the meals, set up all their favorite snacks in the pantry, I work at a Sephora so I gave them a skincare consultation and gifted them a ton of training product, I arranged clay workshop to give us all any activity to do together. Unfortunately, my efforts to get to know C were not reciprocal, so I felt a bit hurt for the whole week because i was putting so much effort into a person who gave me so little. With that plus my heavy workload, I ended up sobbing and breaking down due to stress on the last night and final morning
C left for back home 2 days ago, and J and C came to the conclusion that they would prefer to just be friends. For our post visit check in, my husband and I talked about our experiences, and I told him how I felt, and how I do not want to spend time with a person who obviously does not want to spend time with me. Next time, I think I'd rather get a hotel or an Airbnb to take care of myself more. He did not react well at all to that. Not that he was upset at me, he has overwhelming guilt that he put me in a situation that hurt me. He's still dealing with that feeling and I dont know how to support or console him. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
UPDATE; I hear what folx are saying. I will bring up that I was at work majority of the time for about 15 hours a day. J really wanted us to become friends, and when I was trying to set up a play date to give them more space, i was told I wasn't giving this dynamic a chance so I changed back to hanging out with them. Unfortunately this is how I host any guest in any relationship to me when they are in my home, so i think I'm right that I should have just removed myself from the situation