Financially Tenable
My husband and I have been together around 10 years, married for 2. He makes about 3x what I make. I make just above the cost of living for my area, and below the median salary. We both work at least 40 hours a week. No kids.
We have no combined assets except for our home.
He is generally very rational about money. We have a home that we are paying a mortgage on. We used to split the mortgage(80/20), but as his income has continued to increase, he has taken it over. He usually pays when we go out to meals. I usually pay for groceries.
We both have our cars paid off. I am still paying off a minimal school debt with a low rate. I do all of the house work and yard work. I buy the things I need to do these tasks, and for home improvement. I pay for and care for our pets (I was the one who wanted to adopt them) He works from home, so he lets them out during the day.
I’m finding I have a lot of resentment for our situation, and just don’t know if I’m being unreasonable. I don’t know exactly how much money he makes, or has. I know he just inherited a not insignificant amount of money as well. I am worried about my retirement savings, as I am putting away about 10% but when you’re starting with a low number that only means so much.
I understand that I’m in a lower paying job, but we both work the same amount, and then I feel like a housekeeper when I get home, even when I ask him to do tasks, he doesn’t. I feel like he thinks it’s okay because he brings in the money, and maybe that’s fair in his eyes?
Personally, I would prefer combining our incomes, and paying everything equally out of that pot. But of course I would, because I would benefit from it. I totally see where he’s coming from, it just makes our lives seem inequitable, and doesn’t feel much like a partnership.
Do I just need to get over [the financial part of] it? (Listen, I know the chores are going to be a bridge we have to cross).
tl;dr is our marital financial situation reasonable and I need to reassess?