Could I have handled this better?
My Q is my husband. We share a car. We often have to work together on carpool logistics and it is not often related to drinking. I also occasionally need to be dropped off somewhere He never drinks and drives.
Q wanted me to drop him off at golf. It wasn’t convenient but there was no teal reason I couldn’t do it. Like I said above, we often do drop off logistics and I, in turn, also rely on him. The difference this time was he made it seem like it was a favor to me (“so you can have a car with the kids”) but in my opinion, it was so he could drink. Unless there is an emergency, I wouldn’t need the car in the particular example. But whatever. I agreed but we’d be leaving straight from an appointment I had so in the spirit of not disrupting my day, I said that I would need to stop for food because I hadn’t eaten yet and wouldn’t be able to when I got back due to my work schedule.
Long story short, we were late because the appointment ran over and I firmly stood behind getting food and Q decided to prioritize me dropping him off instead of just driving himself. He was upset (though he clarified not at me) and driving as fast as he could to get there but not enough to where I felt unsafe. It was mostly just annoying with the braking and speeding up.
Due to this, I told him very plainly that he could have just taken the car when we noticed the appointment going over and that I wasn’t going to be using the car. I said to just take the car next time because it was stressful for both of us now. He was laser focused that we had a plan and it was the fault of the appointment starting late. He said he didn’t want to worry about the car. I said, “and you can drink,” and he said that wasn’t the point, there was a plan yadda yada.
I am not sure if I handled this correctly. Usually, he will drink at home, when we’re both somewhere and I’m driving, or when someone else is driving him. If I drop him off somewhere, it’s because I need the car. I am not usually asked to drop him off like this.
I felt like I could have just said no I can’t do it full stop but again, due to our shared car, we both rely on each other for car logistics and I didn’t want this to turn into a ‘well you didn’t drop me that one time’ situation. He is careful about how he drinks so he doesn’t get in any trouble so I couldn’t say no because X and Y always happen when you drink. On the other hand, I’m glad I didn’t let it disrupt the rest of my day given I hadn’t eaten even though it caused frustration for him. I also didn’t try to help solve the issue for him. I didn’t ask the appointment to hurry up or to skip an extra thing I needed. The frustration and stress he felt was all on him. Is this enough in this situation from an al-anon/detachment POV?