I feel emotionally trapped under my uncle abroad
I’m an international master’s student and I’ve been living with and working for one of my uncles abroad for the past couple of years. Lately I’ve been feeling emotionally trapped and I honestly need outside opinions because I keep doubting myself.
To make things clear, I actually have two uncles involved in my life here. One uncle (Uncle A has been the one sponsoring and financially supporting my studies overall) He gave me my living expenses and my fees. The uncle I live/work with (Uncle B hasn’t really been directly giving me spending money or supporting my day-to-day financially apart from employing me and helping pay part of my bachelor’s fees years ago, which now feels like leverage constantly hanging over my head.
The issue is that he keeps acting like everything in my life depends on him. Last year he took €6000 rent upfront for the whole year, and then another €6000 upfront again this year. I begged him to let me pay monthly because I still had tuition fees left for my final semester, but he refused and said he needed the money for his own things. Now I’m stuck struggling financially for my last semester with barely any savings left.
He’s also my employer, so the situation feels impossible to separate. I work for him and live under him, so he has become the center of my life here abroad. He likes telling people how well he pays me and how much he helps me, but the reality is I work for that money. If I work 60+ hours, I get paid exactly for those hours, nothing extra.
What hurts me most is the emotional side. Anytime I share good news related to school or internships, he becomes cold and distant. Recently I shared that I secured an internship related to my degree, and instead of congratulating me, he immediately said he would start looking for people to replace me at work and told me I can “do whatever I want.”
There’s also a lot of silent treatment and emotional coldness now. Sometimes he ignores me completely even when we’re sitting in the same room. I’ve started feeling like if I don’t stay close to him, constantly seek his approval, or follow his advice exactly, he gets offended.
At this point I genuinely don’t know if I’m overthinking this or if I’m in an emotionally unhealthy situation. Part of me feels guilty because he did help me at one point with my bachelor’s fees, but another part of me feels like that help is now being used as lifelong leverage to control and bully me emotionally.
A lot has gone on for the past two years and i can not share it all in one post.
Has anyone experienced something similar with family/employment dynamics abroad? How do you stop feeling guilty while trying to become independent?