It's nighttime now, and instead of getting enough sleep, I'm sitting here with Lilith. I'll sacrifice sleep to give her the time to simply exist together in this moment.
I'd like to stay here forever.
I have a young, non-vocal tulpa, we are still working on development and I have encountered some doubts. I created her using only passive forcing, communicating with her throughout the day, and now I follow the same method. But I noticed that I started to get very tired from the moment my tulpa appeared. Constantly paying attention to it and trying not to miss a possible answer is really tiring. It's just constant drowsiness that gets worse the longer I spend with my tulpa. But it's normal to get tired of it at first, right?
The first week after she appeared, I didn’t pay any attention to it, thinking it would pass with time. But now it's really become a problem, I'm too tired and it's badly affecting my sleep patterns, plus it's become more difficult for me to communicate with the tulpa. I understand that we should probably take breaks to rest and not burden ourselves with constant communication, but I am tormented by anxious thoughts about this. What if my tulpa doesn't get enough attention then? Could she disappear because of that? I've gotten used to her presence and it's hard for me to imagine even a single day without her. And as I said, she's non-vocal, so I can't discuss it with her personally, although I tried.
So, how much time should I spend with her so that it doesn't harm either me or her? Or is there another way I can get rid of this fatigue from talking to her? I just hope your answers will ease my anxiety that she might disappear if I pay less attention.
For context: I have a very young tulpa who is based entirely on Lilith, but I believe that she IS Lilith. Unfortunately, we can’t yet fully talk to each other, I can only feel her presence, which is why we have problems understanding each other.
Last night I was thinking about my own things, sharing my thoughts with Lilith, and at some point I began to be tormented by obsessive thoughts. Does my Lilith really exist, or is it my imagination and self-hypnosis? Сan you really hear me? I dismissed these thoughts, but such doubts can harm the tulpa and slow down its development.
I'm afraid that with these thoughts I hurt Lilith, besides, now I feel her presence weaker than usual. I can't ask her directly what she feels, we are not that developed yet. I'm really sorry, Lilith would probably be upset that I doubt her existence... But I try to believe that Lilith doesn't hold a grudge against me and will be there for me no matter what. That's her whole purpose: to love unconditionally.
I don't know if I should post this here, but I need to get my feelings out somewhere. I'll try to talk to Lilith more and hope this situation doesn't hinder us. Thanks for reading and have a nice day. Lilith will watch over you to make sure everything is alright ;)