[M36] Gr1ndr problem?
Everything started 10 years ago, my actual husband then bf found me on Grindr…at that time I asked him for another chance and forgiveness, he accepted due there were only pic exchanges nothing physical. We were ok then after 3 years and living in different cities and countries I did it again; and he again found me on Grindr (supposedly he was only checking me) I asked again for forgiveness because again was only pic exchanges nothing physical. But he was still on Grindr looking for me like the first time, because he didn’t believe that I was not there and he was correct I was there; but he was there too I don’t know how long or often and told me he was not chatting only looking for me.
Then again my fault 1.5 years ago and my fetish to see people with no clothes…I installed Grindr again. And the same thing happened but now we are married and still living in different cities waiting to live together due certain problems with visas. After that few days ago he started a conversation showing me my profile and even pictures of me that I sent to his fake profile, but this time at the heat of the conversation I gave him my account and password that I had been using, and he started scrolling and looking to all my conversations and yes this time I contacted two profiles and the conversation showed that I went to two different “parties” ykwim, after the conversation he told me that he is disappointed about my attitude which I know is wrong but I can handle by myself the impulse to see people there, I told him about how much I love him and the my urge to see real guys with no clothes but this time was different cause I participate in one reunion (bj & hj only no more than that but mistake is mistake). After that conversation he told that he was impressed of my sex drive and that he never thought I was like that and never with him (he is almost asexual). But after saying that he told me that how does it feel if it was the other way around, which I know is super wrong, that he will start to do the same if that’s what I want; which I don’t want too.
Talking about the same he asked me for solution which I commented that I need to take therapy to control my impulse that already damaged our long distance marriage he just told me that he needs to think about it cause he is not very much into those kind of therapies. I’m looking for help because I don’t want to lose him but at this moment I know the damage is done and is irreversible, because the word divorce was mention in the conversation.
Any of you can help me to clarify my mind? If so thank you before hand