u/Difficult_Item9836

This is a message someone sent me in a recent game, trying to recruit me to their coalition. I had joined the game with friends, so I politely declined, but I told them that we could “stay out of each other‘s way“.

Of course, this person suddenly became public enemy number one. By the time we invaded on turn 10, he had built about 20 coastal batteries, including along rivers. He also built a lot of units of various types, though most were away from home. It looked like he had about 80 units, including those coastal batteries. But, we had a coordinated attack, and he was broken by the end of the first day.

While he built a lot of cool toys, he didn’t have a plan beyond just outspending everyone. This happened a few days after another game where someone suddenly had a massive army overnight. They overwhelmed a teammate of mine while they slept, but the rest of the coalition teamed up and beat him, too.

The only time heavy gold use leads to victory is when people who know what they’re doing and operate as a team open their wallets. That also happened more than once in recent games. And, yeah, that’s a sort of thing that makes you want to quit playing. Still, the satisfaction of beating somebody who thinks they can pay to win far outweighs the frustration of losing to somebody who does that.

I remember being excited to get a machete in the early days of playing Spelunky. You want to mess with me? Come get some!

Then, I figured out that one of the keys to the game is to not get hit. In order for me to hit something with 2 points of damage, I have to get up close and personal, exposing myself to damage.

I do roll my eyes when I get a web gun, too. But in rare situations where I’m not already carrying something better, the web gun can at least stop most creatures…so I can get past them and find a better thing to carry. But, I wouldn’t drop a web gun for a machete.

I admired the never-say-die attitude but…it did not end well for them.

I thought it would be a great idea to build satellites, so I started the research, only to find that I have to be in the security council for a certain amount of time. I had decided a long time to go to stop building missiles, because they are expensive and wasteful if I just want them from planes.

Anyway, I decided to start building missile launchers. I found the cruise missile launchers on the planes have very limited use: short range, modest damage, and easy to shoot down. But, surely, the missile launching platforms were bigger and have longer ranged warheads, right?

The SCUD launchers definitely have that long range. But, they can’t hit ships. I was looking forward to chipping away at an enemy task force with my newly built cruise missile launcher. Checking the range of the missile, I found out… It looks the same as it does for the planes. But, surely, it will do significantly more damage, right? And, the missile will be bigger, right?

Wrong and wrong. After spending half a day watching the launcher crawl across the landscape to get to where I wanted to shoot it, the missile was no different from the ones I launched from my planes. And, same results: they get shot down before they get to the task force.

What am I doing wrong here, other than wasting my time researching and building these useless things?

I’ve decided that Dirk Yamaoka performed under the stage name Ninjiana Jones, so I don’t see a conflict of interest.

A cobra wandered into a shop, and spit in the face of the shopkeeper. The shopkeeper, in a panic, grabbed his shotgun and started blindly shooting. Then, he put the word out to the other shopkeepers. He has venom in his eyes, so he didn’t get a clear look at the punk that did this. So, naturally, they blame the drifter who’s just passing through.

Do the shopkeepers need glasses?

When I first heard the female human damsel, it sounded like a weird bird. I definitely didn’t want to go to rescue whatever that was.

But, I happened to have a female pug, named Winnie, at the time. I’ve included a picture of her with her sister, Oreo. Of course I’m going to rescue Winnie!

Now, the only time the damsel is set to anything other than the pug, it’s because I’ve just installed the game on a different device.

Hurray…a shop! I could use some extra bombs, and maybe a jet pack is for sale. Then I see…crap…it’s a hired hand shop.

While I love paying money for a hired hand to steal my boomerang, then immediately fall into a spike trap, I think I’ll save my cash.

You throw the vase at them, and they’re supposed to catch it. Instead, they always explode into a shower of blood.

Another fun game is “Hot Potato“. In that one, you need sticky bombs. Unlike Vase No Face, the one you’re playing with does not have to be good at catching things. This one is extra fun when you have pitcher’s mitt.

Here, we have a perfect place for a bomb to mine some gems. But, a cute little froggy is hopping around, enjoying himself. So, I pick up the froggy and give him a new home. If possible, I find other froggys for him to play with.

It’s possible I’ve been playing this game for too long.

I’ve found that I get a bit cocky when I get a jet pack. I feel invincible, and I basically am. But, carelessness has lost me the game more than once.

I started using these on the times when I don’t even have climbing gloves at the last level obviously, it’s a tough jump across a pit wide enough if you don’t have any special perks. It’s nice to know you have a rope. You can catch to save yourself from oblivion.

And, yes, I do this even when I have a jet pack. Like I said, I can get cocky and not pulse the jet to use the fuel the way I should. It’s just as nice to have a way to safety.

The conference finals are going to be such a circus, with two of the best clowns in the business.

This one hurts almost as much as Pistons losing to the Lakers right as the bad boys era was getting started. The worst part is that all we have now is Tiger baseball.

When does football season start?

I’ve been scratching my head about all the minutes that Caris is getting. He was great in game 1, but I still had my doubts. But, today, he’s been the best player on the court.

I still want Paul Reed to get more playing time (Duren needs a break…please), but Caris is really the right guy against the Cavs.

Paul Reed’s 2026 playoff game log:

Orlando game 3: 7 min, 4 pts, 5 reb
Orlando game 6: 11 min, 6 pts, 6 reb, 3 blks
Cleveland game 3: 10 min, 11 pts, 3 rebs
All other games combined: 3 minutes

I know they play different positions but Caris Levert scored 21 total points in 70+ minutes in the playoffs, and 8 of them were today. Maybe he needs a break so Paul Reed can stretch his legs?

I really like the guy for how he plays, and I hated that the Pistons didn’t resign him. But, wow.