How to move forward in this situation with my mother in law?
So basically the situation started this time last year. My partner and I did a weekend away with his family. Before this weekend we were both under the impression that I was invited with my bf on their summer holiday. While away for the weekend, it was bought to our attention that his mother no longer wanted to invite me.
His mother wants him to be enmeshed with him. I think the uninvite was probably prompted by the fact he spent more time with me than her on this weekend.
So on this trip, it upset me that she rescinded the invite, we talked, I told her I was upset and she said she will go away and think about things. Months later my bf comes to find she has booked this holiday behind his back without me on the booking and she only told him because he had booked a concert for those dates.
Since then, my bf had to give up his flat with his roommate and moved back home to his mums. He lived there before (we have been together 5 years) and I used to spend every weekend there and some week nights. But now, she has 2 new rules that are essentially stopping me from going over there. I can’t be there if he’s not, and I need to leave the same time as him in the morning. My bf has a driving lesson on his one day off so I’m not allowed to be there that day. I have a chronic fatigue issue which makes it impossible to get up and drive home at 6am.
I always got the vibe that his mum was frosty with me from the beginning. But now it feels like it’s being slapped across my face. It’s so hurtful because like many I have been bullied and excluded my whole life, including from my own family, and now it’s happening with my partners family too. It’s causing issues with my bf too because while he is on my side, he has the like guilt of not being enmeshed with her. He panders to her a bit. I also tried to explain to him how neurodivergent people get mistreated and singled out their whole lives and my alarm is going off that it’s happening here again, and he just tries to defend her and tell me it’s not personal.
I have no idea how to move forward from this because I can’t ever imagine feeling comfortable around her again.