I'm looking for ideas on where people like us can find and keep a job that won't suck the absolute soul out of us. Especially if we're starting later in life...I feel completely lost and it's draining my self-esteem
I havent spoken to my mom in years, i literally have zero friends other than my fiance and i was one of the kids who rejected girly things as a kid so now at 25 i dress like im 12🥲 like how can i french braid or dutch braid or use the eight products to style?
There are so many psychologists/therapists and types of therapy to choose from, and this can make it hard to know who to see.
The therapists might get good reviews because they are kind, good listeners, but are there types of therapies that have actually produced lasting results for you--as in a noticeable reduction in depression and/or anxiety that lasts longer than the interval between appointments?
We've seen a couple therapists, for years even, where it just did not feel like we were making progress.
We're also not big fans of all of the homework involved in DBT, even if we respect it as the best choice for others.
Please share what has worked best for you!
Thanks!
What kind of non-verbal language do you have? Do you look confident, proud, or do you have what we could define as a "beaten dog" look?
This term was given to me by my middle school classmates, during years of intense bullying and being targeted.
Once on the school bus, I was waiting for it to leave while looking out the window, and the driver said, "Nooo, don't start crying." I was simply minding my own business.
At a music festival years ago, I was with a guy, and another guy in his 20s walked past us and told me to give him a smile.
Last year, I walked into a bar and heard the bartender say, "Come on, give me a smile." Out of frustration, I left them a negative review on Google.
A few days ago, I walked into a pizzeria I frequent often, and one of the people there asked me, "Are you sad?"
I am a woman in my 30s and this shit makes my blood boil. I'm a people pleaser and insicure to react. What should i do? Why are men like this?
Boss says today as I’m departing, “See ya! Have a great weekend!” because it’s the end of everyone’s workweek except the Saturday person, who works a couple of hours in the morning, which is me.
“Oh, well I’m working tomorrow.”
Him, looking at me quizzically. “Right, and after that is the weekend.”
“Oh, yeah, thanks then!”
In and of itself this one interaction is NBD of course. But more often than not, I’m totally missing what they’re saying and am so out of sync, and it gets clocked and scrutinized and it’s so uncomfortable because I just will always stand out with these absurdisms my brain makes me say. Now take these interactions to the Nth power and what is this life.
I don't know if this is an autism thing or a me thing, but I've realized that whenever I express that I'm in distress or that something is wrong, people just sort of stare at me blankly and don't really care.
I think it may be autism related because maybe I'm not emoting in a way that elicits enough of a reaction, you know? I mostly just use my words, and I'm not very overtly "dramatic" like many NTs. But I'm also wondering if it's my family of origin (where the issue is the worst), and then me subsequently choosing relationships and friendships with the same dynamic.
Anyway, what's weird is that I know these people know what emotional care looks like because they turn to me for it all of the time. People always bring me their problems, and I listen and ask questions to learn more. I ask how I can help. I remember and follow up. I'm engaged because I actually care what they're going through on an ongoing basis.
But when I share something that's worrying or an issue in my life, people don't even ask follow-up questions. They're seemingly incurious, like "Oh... okay" like I've just made a statement into the air that goes nowhere. And even more mortifying: I feel myself having to volunteer information almost forcibly, like, "Well, you should probably know that I did eventually find out why I was having those really scary dizzy spells for the past few months. I actually ended up in urgent care. But I'm not dying...heh....It was anemia the whole time, if anyone cares, you know..."
And then, on top of that, what I've shared will also be forgotten. So, when I do share a follow-up, they'll be surprised, like they're hearing about it for the first time. "Ohh yeah, you had that thing, right? What was going on again?" Over and over...
Also, for the record, I'm careful to only share information about myself pretty rarely, mostly because I want to hold space for the other person. So, I'm only volunteering information when it's something that's important or scary, like health stuff, big moves, or BIG things. But that goes nowhere, like how my mother somehow forgot that my partner (whose house I lived in) and I were breaking up even though I mentioned it several times. She asked no questions. Barely commented, but when I finally found a new place, she was like, "Oh! Why are you moving?"
Another time, I was on the phone with a family member while walking at night. I involuntarily screamed because I thought I saw a snake, and a few moments passed while I was catching my breath and trying to slow my adrenaline down. The person I was on the phone with didn't even ask what happened. Like, what if I had been attacked while walking? But the vibe is just... indifference?
It's so bizarre. Does anyone else go through this? I'm trying to unpack this dynamic and figure out if it's autism related first. Thanks!
I’m curious if this is an autistic thing or something else. There is one person that if I am around my brain shuts off (scared of said person). Does that happened to people with autism? I know other stresses do the same but not to this extent…. my brain just goes to complete mush.
Let’s say you really like LIKE a guy but his previous relationship status doesn’t seem sufficiently resolved. Like, he says it is but little things don’t match.
Let’s further say that you have never experienced a real long-term relationship so you actually have no clue about any of the rules, and you aren’t sure if you are being paranoid or not because your “gut instinct” is heavily compromised by dating-related trauma. I’m using the term “trauma” here accurately. I’ve experienced awful things while out here trying to find my soulmate.
I guess what I want to know is have any of you successfully navigated a similar situation?
I need advice and I specifically want advice from other girls on the spectrum because if I ask NT women I know the responses are going to assume I have some inherent ability that I don’t have and I’m too tired to defend myself.
Can anybody help?
Thank you if you read all of this.
Any semblance of a friend group I had disintegrated in high school- I heard from everyone that's what happens, but I didn't expect that I wouldn't ever be in one again.
I started college earlier than most of my peers, which for me, meant my last two years of highschool were on a college campus, and my first two years at uni were my last two years of my degree.
After my friend group disintegrated, I really wasn't seeing much of anyone anymore, and of course it didn't help that halfway though all of that covid happened. Sometimes I wonder if I didn't try hard enough in uni to have friends- but I did try. I did make a few friends, but at the end of the day most of us never really hang out and we barely speak now- how do you even maintain friendships when life gets busy and things get in the way?
I feel like that's when I started giving up on having friends. I would describe myself these days as being social but at a distance, I just watch other people being social and sometimes I'll say something- but otherwise I really just have nothing to give. I'm learning now that being autistic really isn't helping my case much either.
During that time I also discovered that I could just get my needs for intimacy and connection met through hookups. Of course some of these experiences weren't great but even now it's a consistent way to get not only my social needs but my emotional needs met. I genuinely like these people, and excluding the context of sex: they all have something to offer, insight and other. Being able to spend a moment in their lives really allows me to reflect on what more I want for mine, and how much better life has to offer.
I kind of came to the conclusion last night that maybe this was the type of life that I was suited for. All of my relationships have been difficult and painful, and I don't mind having a few partners here and there, but in the back of my mind, theres just one thing that's been keeping me from really being happy with my life. What's bothering me is the fact that these are the ONLY relationships I'm having and I don't know how to have friends without that underlying expectation of a sexual encounter.
I just don't know how to have proper platonic friends anymore. I don't think I'm that bad at being social in situations, I can talk to people, be friendly- but I don't know how to properly make or keep friends.
What do friends even talk about? These days I feel like I have nothing to say anymore, I don't have drama i can gossip about, I wouldn't say I'm really interested in anything enough to be able to gush and bond over it- and even if I did, there's only so much you can say about one topic.
How frequently do friends hang out/text? This one I know even less about- the spattering of friends that I do still have don't really talk to me anymore. I might hear from one or so every few months and there's never really much to say. Since I moved states, they're too far away to hang out with and honestly I don't even know what we could do. Walking around and talking had always kind of been the only thing to do, and after a while there really is just nothing to say anymore.
I could probably continue on about this forever, and I know I'll mull on it, but if anyone has any advice I'd appreciate it. I'm trying but as with everything, figuring out the first part is the hardest. I hope I manage to make it work out someday.
Tldr: I don't have consistent friendships and don't know how they work or what they are supposed to look like. Advice appreciated.