r/aspergirls

It always follows the same pattern, I'm quite extroverted IRL (atleast I try to be) so I tend to talk quite alot and try to introduce myself to people, eventually I weasel my way into a friend group in a certain class or job or whatever, and within a few days it starts, "*laugh* never change [Name]" (after saying or doing something that I guess would be deemed off or strange or stilted), or, "you're something you know that?", or some other description that is synonymous to calling me weird, special, socially awkward, whatever.

I understand I'm weird, I get that, it has been verbally beaten into me by essentially everyone I spend time with, please stop rubbing it in my face that people find me strange and weird, they all mostly say this in a nice way or perhaps to say that I'm weird but in an endearing way, but I hate it, even if you find me weird in a nice way no one else does, I'm so sick of not being normal, I just want to be me, why do you have to keep reminding me that I'm autistic and unable to come off like a normal human, I'm trying my best.

I'm making this post because it happened again, it keeps happening, there is no friend group or individual friend that I have spent time with that hasn't called me weird in some way, usually with groups it's worse and they bring it up semi-often in a not purposefully mean way, just what I mentioned above, this group I've been hanging around with recently say it too of course but today's one upset me more than usual, I said something in earnest and all I got in response was "yeahh you're something alright *laugh*", I had to stifle my tears, I feel so pathetic, why can't I just be normal.

I feel like a mean person for saying this but I sometimes get really frustrated with talkative people, especially ones that don’t really “read the room”. When I want peace and quiet to myself but then suddenly an extremely talkative person appears and starts asking me loads of questions or going on a monologue and it’s like leave me aloneeee lol.

Then again, I’m admittedly not the most confrontational of people so I don’t really ask them directly to quit talking to me/I need peace, I kinda just either give one word answers and hope they get the message lol, or I make an excuse to leave the room and settle somewhere else, or I make out like I need to listen to a podcast and put my headphones on. I’m not looking to hurt their feelings. The ones that carry on talking to me despite me having headphones on/reading a book are tricky.

Who relates?

For me i need to cover my whole face except for my nose so i can breathe when im going to sleep. Does anyone do the same? Orrr if you have any other sleeping habits feel free to comment it

I’m not diagnosed with ASD but I’ve suspected I may have it. I also know that rumination can be a thing that happens when you have autism.

I’m wondering if other people get these - where your mind keeps bringing up the bad things that happened to you in the past, bad things that were said to you etc, and it just puts you in a garbage mood lol. Sometimes I’ll wake up in one of those “rumination” phases, and it almost ruins the entire day. I was on antidepressants which stopped these, but since I’ve stopped taking them, they’ve been happening again. I would really rather not be on antidepressants. 

For me, I find that exercise can help. Being around other people can also help to take my mind off it. Deep breathing is good too, as well as journalling. Despite doing these things, it still happens. I’d like to hear from others if they get them, and even more so - what helps them when it happens.

So I'm not really someone who can handle having an unpopular opinion to the point not even r/unpopularopinion can back me up because its usually an opinion so niche people don't bother rebelling against. When I like something everyone else hates or hate something everyone else likes, it makes me feel like I'm in the wrong for something and that I have the "wrong opinion". I usually try to find at least 1 person with the same thoughts as me to at least feel less like an outcast and when I cant find one or it's getting dogpiled to a pulp, it makes me feel like my opinion os even MORE wrong which leads me to making many "Am I the only one who..." posts that I end up deleting after 10 or 20 minutes, sometimes to my dismay getting TOO much attention, not really on my side, and I delete the post in shame of what I posted. It does hurt seeing 7 downvotes on an opinion I commented compared to if it was just a fact I got wrong or me unintentionally acting like a jerk.

I really should stop caring about what other people think and stick to my own opinions without feeling shame, but its really hard cause I get so defensive over things I like that are hated by many, and resentful over things loved by many, specially if those two are pit against each other in an argument. I feel like I should stop trying to seek for someone else's opinion just to prove my opinions aren't wrong. Opinions are subjective, and not everyone will agree and that's fine, it's just that feeling of being excluded that drives me crazy at times.

Heck, even making this post I'm already starting to consider just deleting it after 10 minutes, specially if it ends up suddenly blowing up. I just wanna find ways to stop caring about what others think and be content with my tastes/distastes without feeling like I'm stupid or in the wrong.

I love the way mascara looks and makes me feel, but I have a hard time with how taking it off feels. I've tried micellar water, removal wipes, and coconut oil and all of these make me regret having put on mascara.

If anyone knows of any mascaras that come off with just water (mine aren't waterproof but they don't come off with just water either) or know any sensory-friendly ways to remove mascara, I would love to learn from you.

Thank you! <3

Sometimes it's very easy for me to stop thinking about things I can't change or solve. For the last few days it has been nearly impossible to get out my own head. I can redirect myself for an hour at best, and then I go right back to thinking and googling and replaying. I feel this intense urge to "figure it out" but all I do is make myself miserable.

My thing that's bothering me right now is my appearance. Suddenly I felt like I dress too childishly but also too masculine and that my voice sounds weird. I've never been super self-conscious about how I dress and I don't know what triggered this. It's like my brain will pick something to get stuck on and it won't stop until I exhaust myself. I'm trying to stay off my phone and social media, but I get antsy when I'm alone with my thoughts too.

Please tell me if you've experienced this too. I know this is common for autistic people but I don't have any other autistic friends who I can ask. Are there any sensory tricks that I can use to shock myself out of it?

To sleep, but i cant use a weighted blanket because it hurts my hip. Any suggestions?

I’m a trans girl with ASD, and realized I’m just like the other tired stressed out anxious women at the store, but I had to come to that realization on my own 😧, goodbye male thought patterns in public places.Don’t worry Im pretty much in womanhood. So I’m just being an honest girl with ASD, even if my looks aren’t that of a typical girl☺️. It sucks navigating a world with a girl brain and feelings on my own, but I don’t have anyone in my life to talk to about it. And my mom isn’t going to support me on this either I tried with her, it’s harder to navigate life without support from friends and family 😧. And trans girls on Reddit aren’t usually much help for my unique situation either. I have to be careful what I post on trans support communities 😧. I’ve gotten quite a bit of hate in some of my old posts 😔

SO I'm super picky about my pants. Most of them are too loose or too soft, and I like pants that make me feel Supported like I have Structure but also don't scratch me up. I have definitely been preferring denim, but I'm open to exploring more options.

I've primarily been wearing Levi jeans, but they're still stretchy with no pockets and I wear out the inner thighs. They feel two steps above leggings, but not like what I want.

I've been considering getting men's jeans, but they don't have many high waisted options and I read it's best to measure at the hip, so I'd be a 32X51 and I can't find Spongebob's pants store. Plus belts of course. But I want them to be snug on my thighs!

If anyone has suggestions about pants, places to post this question, or knows a man in good jeans shaped like Carl from Jimmy Neutron please let me know

TL;DR: I'm an autistic employee with about six weeks left on a communication-focused PIP. My manager has told me my technical work isn't the issue, but every two-week check-in, he seems to introduce new concerns instead of measuring progress on the original goals, so it feels like the goalposts keep moving. I'm trying to understand whether this is a typical PIP process or whether my autism may be affecting how I'm interpreting the feedback.

Timeline:

- I started with my current employer about 15 months ago.

- About 11 months ago, I received a verbal warning for several communication and workplace professionalism issues that were broader than what's currently on my PIP.

- After the verbal warning, but before my annual performance review, I disclosed that I'm autistic and submitted ADA accommodation paperwork. HR approved accommodations that included periodic performance feedback.

- My annual performance review was an overall "Needs Improvement" rating because of the communication concerns, although my work performance was rated as meeting expectations.

- Between the accommodations being approved and the start of the PIP (about seven months), I received formal feedback on three occasions.

- HR explained that they wanted my manager to develop a plan to help me meet his expectations. They described the current 90-day PIP as that development plan and a follow-up to the "Needs Improvement" rating.

- I currently have about six weeks remaining on the PIP, with formal check-ins every two weeks.

My manager has told me that my technical work and planning/KPI performance are not the issue. The PIP is focused on communication and workplace behavior, and it states that I must complete the plan with no incidents to pass. At the end of the PIP, a pass, extend, or fail may be given and failure to complete may result in termination of employment.

PIP goals:

- Was told to use email or Teams for non-urgent questions instead of walking over immediately.

- Was told not to follow up in person on emails or Teams messages until allowing at least two days for a response.

- Was told to avoid interrupting meetings or conversations.

- Was told to keep workplace conversations work-related.

- Was told to follow PPE/safety requirements consistently.

Since the PIP started, my feedback has been:

Check-in #1

- Was told to wear my safety glasses when near a restricted area.

- Was told I arrived about one minute late to QRQC one morning.

- Was told that asking one question about myself during a team discussion implied bad faith and drew attention to me instead of keeping the focus on the team.

- Was told Purchasing reported I appeared drowsy at my desk. I noticed it myself and attempted to correct it before my manager brought it up.

Check-in #2

- Was told not to jump into other planners' queues unless my manager specifically asked me to because he was concerned it could prevent other planners' performance issues from being identified.

- Was told not to wave at an AOG planner before the daily QRQC meeting because it drew attention to me instead of keeping the focus on the team.

- Was told not to participate in the company party planning committee after I asked whether it was okay to join because my PIP instructs me to align with my manager if I'm unsure about something.

- Was told my question about participating would be documented as feedback during the check-in.

Check-in #3

- Was told it appeared there was tension when coworkers came to my desk.

- Was told to be more mindful of interrupting others.

- Was told to arrive at work around the same time my manager does each day.

- Was told to CC my manager on emails I send to coworkers.

- I explained that I believe my coworkers and I are on good terms.

At the end of each check-in, I asked whether I was making progress. Each time, my manager responded that he is "still monitoring."

One thing I'm struggling with is that my experience doesn't always match my manager's observations. I generally get along well with my coworkers, and many of them regularly stop by my desk to ask work-related questions or just chat. Some of the feedback has also come from situations where I felt there was additional context—for example, being invited into a conversation that was later viewed as interrupting, or walking past a meeting that was perceived as disruptive. That leaves me wondering whether my manager, my coworkers, and I are interpreting these interactions differently.

I've also noticed that before the PIP I was regularly asked to help other planners with work outside my own responsibilities. Since the PIP started, I've largely stopped being asked to help the team, and I'm not sure whether that's a normal part of being on a PIP or just a coincidence.

What also confuses me is that every two-week check-in has introduced different, new concerns instead of revisiting the original PIP goals. As someone who's autistic, that makes it difficult for me to tell whether I'm actually improving or whether the expectations are changing over time.

I've also had two in-person interviews for other jobs that would pay more than my current position, but I don't know whether either one will result in an offer.

I'm genuinely trying to improve and understand whether this is a typical communication-focused PIP or whether there are things I should be doing differently. I'd especially appreciate hearing from other autistic employees, managers, or HR professionals.

Does this sound like a typical communication-focused PIP? Is it normal for every two-week check-in to introduce new concerns while my manager continues to say he's "still monitoring"? Has anyone else experienced a disconnect between how they perceived their interactions with coworkers and how their manager perceived those same interactions?

does this happen to anyone else? i feel like im just existing neutrally and people will always ask me if im okay or if im sad. i guess i appreciate the concern, but nothing is wrong, and i dont know how to respond to this normally because its just my face and/or im just thinking about something. im autistic and have a bit more of an inward/serious demeanor and im always thinking so maybe thats it. but does this happen to anyone else and does it annoy you too?? and what can i say/do to make this stop

I’m 25F and I feel like anytime I have a close friendship with another female, like best friend level, it ends in disaster. I always feel unheard and misunderstood, or like I’m giving too much, or my boundaries aren’t respected. I feel guilty that I can’t keep a close friend other than my partner whom I’ve been with for 6 years and am married to.

The problem is I am very sensitive and it seems when I try to talk about how things hurt me, people will say I’m overreacting, or that it’s something that they would never be bothered by so they can’t understand why it’s an issue for me. Most of the time I get hurt by people not understanding I have a low social battery, and get burnt out a lot and have only recently been able to up my working hours from 18 to 30. The friends I pick seem to want to hang out 2-3 times in a week and I feel guilted or hear a lot of pushback when I can only manage once a week but really I would prefer maybe once every 2-3 weeks because of my social battery. I understand you have to give both ways in order to have a friendship so calling and FaceTime are things I’m open to and love to do multiple times a week.

Recently I got into an argument with my closest friend because she said I was controlling a situation (which she never told me she only told her partner) even though I asked multiple times for her input and opinion. She never communicated with me her opinion, while I was being vocal on mine. I value open and honest communication, which is something that we have been able to do in the past. I later found out that she was extremely upset with me but I had no idea and she never communicated that she was in the moment. I found out later that she was talking poorly about me in my own house. ( her partner was the one that told me)

Anyways, this started a whole argument that also involved her partner, whom I am also close friends with. We all hang out at my house, including my husband too. I was very angry with how things played out, and their partner reached out to me, and I vented to them that I was upset with how she was acting. Immediately, she threateningly messaged me to not speak to her partner, and I do recognize that was wrong for me to do. I was angry, and I didn’t want to take my emotions and anger straight to her, so I was trying to get another’s perspective of the situation and calm down about it before I came in hot at her. I can now understand that was completely inappropriate and something that I should not have done. So I know I am not perfect in all of this, and honestly, I worry I might be manipulative or an extremely bad person. I am aware of triangulation manipulation methods, and I’m scared that it’s something that I did in this situation.

I felt threatened and triggered by the way she texted me, and it opened up my feelings lately about how I’ve been feeling like she doesn’t care about my feelings. I told her I don’t like that she was talking badly about me in my safe space, which I already feel like she is at way too much, which I’ve communicated to her before. She claims I have never set this boundary, even though I have talked about not wanting to hang out as much, and that I have a hard time saying no to things. So when I do say no, she pushes back, and I feel guilted to just go along with the plans anyways. It doesn’t help that this night I was supposed to hang out with my uncle and meet his dog, and she said “fuck uncle **** fuck his dog.” She said this jokingly, but it still made me feel guilty, and I cancelled plans with him so she could come over. Again, my fault for not sticking with my boundaries, but I can’t help but feel violated that she pushes back on them anyways when I say no or that I have other plans.

I told her maybe we should take a break from this friendship or end it if she can’t respect the way I want to communicate (she was saying she only wants to talk on the phone, while I preferred to text out my feelings first as I have a hard time communicating them unless I can reread them and make sure I’m clear with what I’m saying and not being pushed to agree or say something I don’t mean) she guilted me by saying she cannot believe I would even say that and that she would never consider taking a break from our friendship because we are bigger people than this. It felt condescending and again felt like my boundaries were being pushed and violated.

I ended up blocking her because I reminded her I don’t want to talk and I want to take a break and she said that me saying that wasn’t me setting a boundary. I made sure to send a text telling her I don’t want to talk right now and that I feel like we won’t reach a full conclusion so I am taking a break. (This was after being on FaceTime with her trying to work through everything, where I was talked over, talked to condescendingly, got halfhearted apologies by her saying “fine okay!!! It’s not your fault god!!!”, and when I would say I felt a certain way she wanted me to give her exact examples and times that she did something to make me feel that way, when I would tell her when she would tell me that she never said that or that it didn’t happen, or that I’m overreacting)

My husband and therapist both have told me I have a problem where I fall into a parenting role with my close friends. I grew up having to parent my parents and now find myself doing the same in my close friendships. Am I a bad person? Is it bad that I feel so hurt by someone pushing back on me wanting to feel respected, even if it’s something that doesn’t matter to them? I really don’t want to continue this friendship because it’s too much drama for me and I value peaceful time home with my husband and being with my cats, watching YouTube & knitting, working out, and other hobbies which I feel like I haven’t had time for since our friendship has gotten this enmeshed.

I do have other friends and I have two D&D groups I’m apart of, I’m starting to take part in more community clubs, and have been going to more group fitness classes. I don’t have any issues with friendships that are more focused on activities/hobbies/shared interest rather than talking about our emotions every day, and expecting to be hanging out all of the time and having the pressure of being a best friend. I’m thinking going forward I should just keep my friendships at this level.

I've been trying to get some insights from others who are also going through Perimenopause and what you are doing to manage, especially while juggling autism.

After my diagnosis, I went through a major burnout. My threshold for stress has been pretty low. Over the last 4 months my sleep started tanking. I was constantly waking up in a panic and was struggling to get restful sleep. Being sleep deprived, I started having a lot more panic attacks and anxiety all the time. Then the classic hot flashes.

I finally got some answers and that it's hormones. Perimenopause specifically. I was prescribed Pregesterone to start 100mg. I'm just nervous to start because I'm sensitive, but I feel like it's time to start.

Just wondering about others experience with HRT and if you have any advice.

Thanks!

Note: I'm also looking into MCAS, as I guess that can create similar issues. My OB GYN even suggested that to me.

Literally the thing that would fix 95% of my problems IMMEDIATELY would be getting a second job to alleviate a lot of the financial pressure and I just literally cannot get it to happen. It’s insane. It’s actually insane what the employment landscape is like and it’s doubly insane how everybody acts like there’s something deeply wrong with me for being so constantly stressed about it. Like I’m ungrateful (what?) or in some way unhinged for wanting to pick up more work so I can live comfortably. Literally people act like I’m defective for articulating this desire and it’s like are you all actually okay?

Severe financial stress is a PRETTY neurotypical thing and we don’t all need to clutch our pearls and be concerned that people experiencing it are some freakshow monsters for crashing out about it. Not everything is a disorder. Some things are a PRETTY REASONABLE response to prolonged exposure to stress.

I’m also so sick of how the hiring landscape is basically an elaborate humiliation ritual. And I know some people are just refusing to participate in it but I am actually going out there and debasing myself because I actually want the work and it’s still not yielding any results. And when I crashout about it people either (1) act like it’s a disproportionate reaction (it’s not besties, it’s not), or (2) like I’m just failing to be grateful for what I have. I AM GRATEFUL.

JUST

HIRE

ME

PLEASE

AND

THANK

YOU.

I’ve posted about this before. But this particular scenario gets on my nerves - when I really want to hang out with people, and I’m feeling the social pull, but the only people available to me are the “polite, small talk, acquaintance” types, or people who (for whatever reason) I can’t fully relax and be myself with. So I want social interaction, but then it also drains me because I can’t be myself. I’m also an introvert, so that definitely plays into it. 

In general it’s actually very rare for me to feel a pull towards a particular person, and to really want to be around them. With most people I’m kinda like “eh”. I don’t mind them being there but I would also prefer to be alone. It takes a rare kind of person for me to actually choose them over being on my own. 

My ideal scenario is to be around people who fully accept me, and don’t get weirded out when I’m quiet or in my own little world. People who let me, be me. 

Well, who relates? I’m not really looking for advice as such - I guess this is just “one of those annoying things”. 

Because of the world we live in and how we're born is it not inevitable. I have realised it's very unrealistic to expect depression to go away fully. As long as I can take care of myself and eventually sustain myself financially, I'm not going to ask too much of myself. True happiness or being "cured" depression is only possible for those whose values happen to align with society's.

I'm just curious and genuinely want to learn more about this since it's not really talked about as much

Specifically pigeons - I found a little baby on the ground that seems to be hugging the cusp of nestling and fledgling and I would love for someone to info dump some tips at me.

Little guy latched onto me and was following me everywhere trying to climb onto my shoe and into my pant leg 🥲 I was worried about the stray cats nearby so I scooped him into a makeshift nest (box with tissue) and taped it up into a tree near where his mama was waiting, but now I’m worried about whether that was the right move.

I’ve moved to a new city and I guess I’m lost as to how to make new friends. I see people suggest bars but not sure how to make that happen tbh. What have been things you’ve done or places you all have gone to meet new people make friends as someone with autism? I find it hard because people describe me as monotone and I don’t emote very much so it’s more difficult for me to seem interesting I suppose. I do ask people a lot of questions about themselves but I feel like I am missing something