u/tortoisewazouski

A post to therapists and clients;

I had been going to a counselor before and she was also using the CBT approach.

All it did was give me intense positive limerence to her and anxiety surges because it was getting out of my control. I was just going there to just fulfill the therapy schedules, I literally forgot why am I even going there instead of that?

Now, I am going to another therapist who is also doing CBT and recently she told me she will use a trauma-infromed approach as well with CBT to treat me.

It is also not really helping, I mean, I am alone and I just figure things out by myself because I have long delays, sometimes a month or five-six weeks in between sessions. I also do not talk there, so I write a note when I am regulated beforehand and just hand my phone to her to read.

So.., is this how it's supposed to go, or should I just quit? I have been meaning to quit for quite some time, but I haven't quit yet because I think I should keep on waiting. But, I do not know, it's not actively helping.

Yes, that therapist gives me homework, but I am quite self-aware and the things she's given me for homework, I have already done them before. Like; knowing what ways help me regulate/reset myself etc.

I have been researching for about five years if I am neurodivergent or not. I have read articles, websites, seen videos of neurodivergent people explaining their experiences, related my life experiences with those, checked the criteria of autism and ADHD from the DSM-5 to understand if I relate to it or not.

And I came to a conclusion that I do.

Then, I went to a therapist and they said immediately said I do not have ADHD without evaluating me. That really bugged me and I had a panic attack at home that day. It was the first ever panic attack, I've had never had those before. Also, I was taking 20mg fluoxetine which always made me nauseated after its consumption and I still had that panic attack.

Even when I talk about it with my family, friends about the possibility of me having autism/ADHD, they always reject me and I hate that because I feel unheard and they are all repeating the same mantra that I'm not, I shouldn't be interested in neurodivergence.

Now, my life is at this point that whenever something related to these three words come around, whether it be a random social media post, a mental health awareness campaign post in my university which also uses the word "neurodivergence", a thought or anything at all related to that, I suddenly feel like I am confused and like, twisting from the inside. I feel like crying and screaming suddenly, my mind just begins spiraling into that five-year sprint and then the result (rejection). I feel like I'm suffocated, my chest and abdomen feels heavier and I just want to escape from here and my body.

I just start getting intense somatic anxiety just from a microsecond of the trigger. I hate this.

Hey. So.., I think I actually am quite a difficult person. I used to think I was autistic and that I might have inattentive ADHD, but I guess after five years of obsession with this topic where I did intense research and five years of being corrected and dismissed that I am not neurodivergent from almost everyone makes me feel like, I should now just give up, you know.

Whenever I bring this topic up about the possibility of me having both the conditions, everyone just shuts me up indirectly. They get over me from the top and I feel like I've shrunk.

The fact that I got my sensory profile report where I was told I have low registration, higher sensory sensitivity, higher sensory avoidance and low sensory seeking, my mind is still roaming around me being neurodivergent; being autistic and having ADHD. And also that I do have social communication difficulties since I was a child, I cannot control my facial expressions and don't know how to smile, I speak in a very low, or slow, or incomprehensible voice because I do not know how I am speaking. I forget things, my working memory is very bad, I have time blindness, I go in cycles of hyperfocus, I have pill dysphagia, I may or may not have selective mutism, I have a hyper-fast cognitive processing speed. I have emotional dysregulation. I can be dumb and analytical at the same time and a lot of other things.

These facts about my life just make me feel like I really am, but nobody believes or even acknowledges the possibility of me having these conditions. When I talk to my dad, he just begins his perspective that he got out of his head and took control of his anxiety when he was a child. He says that I have to control my brain, not that I surrender to it. My mom becomes all weird if I say any of those two words; autism/ADHD and her reaction and response makes me feel very uncomfortable. I went to my therapist and asked them if they could assess me for ADHD and autism, and they replied that I do not have ADHD without even evaluating me and just understanding me from my mother's perspective because I don't really speak to them very clearly like I want to (because as I said, I may or may not have selective mutism). So, she often asks my mother about me and I do not know what she tells them about me, but I am pretty sure she just says I'm so lazy and bad now and I was such a good child.

So, I ask of you (therapists, researchers, psychiatrists, people who go to therapy) to say anything, literally anything at all that my brain just stops itself from this attachment. Because whenever someone else rejects me like this, I feel an intense rage and fear inside my body and I want to cry loudly. I just want to stop. I want to finally, finally accept that I am a neurotypical with just some bad traits and habits that I have to change about myself no matter what.

I want criticism, rejection, rude words, and anything at all to make my brain understand this for once and forever that it is not what it's hoping to be.

(Not asking for a diagnosis)

Can any therapist tell me or clients who've encountered something alike?

For context: I was going to a counselor in my university who after taking three screening tests (CATQ, CATI and ASRS), referred me to a psychiatrist. When I went to that psychiatrist (who is the head of the Autism Center; CAMHS), gave my case to a psychologist under his supervision to whom I am going to now for quite some time.

(I know why you would think I am going to CAMHS being a nineteen year old, is because the psychiatrist just gave my case to that specific psychologist for whatever reason I don't know of, hence.)

In the first appointment I had with that psychologist, she kept using my name in almost everything she was saying or asking me.

Like, (suppose my name is Emma) and I am 19;

Does Emma like going to university? What kind of food does Emma like? So, Emma likes the color pink, I see!

So, is this normal? It felt like how adults talk to little children how she was talking to me with the specific tone and all.

I thought about it because it made me real uncomfortable that time, but I assumed that she did that because the Autism Center has a lot of children coming in and out, so she must be used to being around children. But, a little while ago, I just got to know that she has other clients similar to my age group ( e.g. 17, 18 year olds).

To Level 1 Autistic folks!

Do you guys ever feel like you are proving your autism as proving to a design jury/a visually clear triangle in math like in theorems etc?

Whenever I come across talking about my autism, I feel like I have to constantly prove to others what is real for me when they can see it as well, but are blind to it and say, "Oh, you're not autistic, stop it."

I'm a design major and I have design juries where we have to present to the jurors what we made (products) and prove to them what our designs are even if they are perfectly visible products like lamps or chairs that we have to prove to them why it is a lamp or a chair.

So, I went to a psychiatrist I've gone to two times before. Every time, I would just sit and he would ask me questions and I would (due to my anxiety, I suppose) just nod and smile even if I didn't fully understand what he said or if I want to disagree with him.

This time, I went in prepared with a full mood log (from end of July till yesterday) and I wrote answers to the questions I could think of that he will probably ask me. I even mentioned that if he has any more questions, he can write them down and I can respond via typing.

That all said, he read everything, perhaps he skimmed, and he didn't respond the way I had hoped he would. He was still the same like he was in the first two short interactions. I wrote about how I think I might have OCD or that I'm in burnout and how my memory is a wreck, and he just didn't address anything explicitly.

He just said that it's just my personality and we can't change that, however, we can tweak the things that are impairing our life. He said that assuming an illness isn't the right thing... or something like that (I forgot. I was in somatic anxiety in there.)

He changed my medication, though because I was experiencing severe nausea after its intake daily. And he resumed my CBT sessions with a clinical psychologist.

I feel like, I am communicating in the best ways possible I can communicate and still I feel like I am not being fully heard or understood. I wrote pretty clearly, everything. He didn't address all the things still. I do not know what to do, really. I could communicate via writing A LOT better than I usually do (my default: nodding and smiling), yet nobody still understands me. Not that therapist, not this psychiatrist. No doctor, no family member, no friend, nobody. Or is that I cannot understand what anybody says?

I feel like a fool, fully exposed in a jungle of hungry lions and patient vultures.

Hey, so I was wondering that how do all the MBTI types actually feel before, during and after reading any sort of a novel or watching a movie?

How do you react to all these genres:?

1. Psychologically Twisted (Verity, The Silent Patient, Fractured)

2. Dark Romance (Haunting Adeline, 365 Days)

3. Purely Fictional (Hobbit, Harry Potter)

I'm not sure if it has anything to do with empathy, but I legit want to detach, disconnect or make me alexithymic (I know I can't, it's just an expression)

I have always been able to suppress, or hide my emotions in front of people. I never cry or feel anything vulnerable in front of people, I mean I try to really mask it. But lately, I think I've lost my ability to do this. I'm just pouring out like I'm punctured all over my body and those holes are seeping out my vulnerability in the most intense forms whenever it gets a chance to come out.

For context, I think I have been through grief of something I believed and tied with my identity and I found out that I've believed wrong for five years. It is not big a deal for anyone else, but for me it is like I'm lost and foreign in my body and mind after this. I've been through all the stages of grief, except the acceptance phase. The thing is, whenever ANYTHING comes up related to that identity, I feel a sudden drop in my stomach, like I am not in the right atmosphere, my body has changed feelings, I feel like I am going to puke out any second. I want to not feel that again, I want to just go on autopilot or become an emotionless person just doing the jobs required of me with no feelings at all.

I want to detach from my body, like I want to just get my feelings lost. I want my brain smashed so that it can't process emotions and my gut taken out that I can't feel anything there.

What do I do? (I have tried CBT, it doesn't work)

I want an online friend (preferably female).

I am 2 decades old, a female.

I like to read, write, learn, draw.

I am in burnout right now.

I have a question!

How many of you are INFJs, INFPs, ISTJs, INTPs or similar?

I NEED ADVICE!

I want to write a book, but I can't put my pen down on one genre.

I want to write one as a autobiographical novel, a sci-fi thriller, a psychological horror, a bittersweet facade/reality.

WHAT DO I DOOOOO???

Okay, so this is in regards to one of the post, "Have you felt crushes?" I asked in this subreddit.

I could have said, "my cousin liked some male actor from a series" but instead I wrote the entire thing very honestly. The actor's name as well as from the show my cousin liked that actor.

I thought about writing it like "some actor" but it felt not that "correct" enough that you guys will understand what I was trying to say. With using the real name of the actor and the name of the series my cousin started liking that actor, I felt peace that I have thrown everything related to what I was asking, it is enough.

Does this happen to you often?

When I am lying on my bed and my monologue is 24/7 on and so I am talking about a fictional conversation, a future conversation that hasn't happened yet, a storyline, just random thoughts in my mind.

But, when I am thinking of stories, and I shift my position, suppose I was lying straight and then I shifted to my right, and suddenly the whole storyline I was thinking about just vanishes. It feels like a changing of channels in my mind. And it's hard to get the storyline back. I can't think of it on my right side, I would have to lie straight to think about it. With a little more effort, I can resume the story I was thinking about, but it still feels like I have to really focus on it on my right side.

Does this happen to you as well?

When I was young (f, 14-15), me and my cousin (f, 1.5 years younger than me) were together because we both live in different countries. And she would tell me about her crushes and I would just be with her because I copied her a lot and felt very lost, anxious and awkward without her. But, I didn't have anything to say because I never felt love/limerence/crushes.

She told me she liked Lucas Jade Zumann from Anne with an E and I adopted that I also like him (I didn't like him at all!) but, I pretended that I liked him.

I literally googled hot actors/guys and still I didn't feel any kind of a crush.

Can someone relate?

There are certain sensations in me that I feel at certain times where I literally feel like a fictional character.

I feel like Forrest Gump; that specific feeling when he just keeps running and running. It's like, what he feels in that specific moment, I feel that feeling at certain times when the situation is right or my internal state is somewhat like that.

I also feel like Charlie from Perks of Being a Wallflower; and that specific part when the movie is ending and he is standing on the back of the car his friends are driving and he feels a certain kind of "relief" or "freedom". I feel like that at times. And also when he is calling his sister telling her while crying. I feel like that too.

Similarly, I feel like Finch sometimes and sometimes like Violet from All the Bright Places. The scene when both of them are at the cliff and Violet is screaming Finch's name. I feel like that when I feel like Violet and I feel like Finch when there's a scene where's a dialogue is happening in the background and he is just shown as a loner, and sometimes when the movie ends and the finishing scene happens that Violet is feeling healed.

Pls help!

I usually go for talk therapy. The sessions are planned for once after two weeks initially. Then the PA calls and reschedules it for after another week, so making a three week gap.

When I began my therapy with this therapist, the rescheduling happened after the first session. Then the same happened after the third session. Then it happened in the fourth session.

I had my therapy session planned for August 5 after my fifth session on July 22. It's a two week gap. Then it got rescheduled to today. And today the PA called and rescheduled it to July 26.

Is this normal?

I mean, I thought that rescheduling is okay for once, twice or maybe three times. But it's just happening again and again.

Hey! I've been going to a therapist and i feel severe nausea. My throat dries up, I feel a lot discomfort in my chest, my limbs feel suddenly heavy, I feel super sleepy, I can't feel good at all.

And this happens every single time.

I usually have my sessions once every two/three weeks at about 3 PM and all of the above starts happening the second I wake up in the morning at about 10/11 AM or 12 PM.

Is it the same for you guys too? How can I stop feeling this way? It is wrecking me and I am so tired of dealing with this every single time.

Hey! So, I am an infp 4w5 and I have used daydreaming since I was a child.

Firstly, I daydreamed about a teacher whom I was very attached to caring about me. I would think that she is babysitting me and helping me around and feeding me my favorite meals.

The themes of my daydreaming that time was **nurturing**, **caring**, **happy**

Then, as I grew older, especially when I was around 13-14 years old, I just started thinking about themes of abuse, neglect, humiliation, power, control, helplessness.

And it still happens.

So, is this normal?

So, I am in university and I use an e-bike to commute to and from there. It is not that It gets really confusing to me riding in the traffic as there are so many things to be careful about while riding

In less traffic, I just ride carefully and easily, but in traffic, it really gets me anxious and scared. I don't understand if someone is giving me way or is asking me to give them way. I don't understand if it's my turn to go or stop.

Is it confusing for you guys too?