No ones favourite friend
It hurts so much to not have actual friends. I don’t think I’ve ever actually had a proper friendship and it hurts me so much especially when I ‘think’ I’m friends with someone and then see them with their other friends and I realise that they just aren’t like that with me. Getting ignored, false promises, excuses which I know are lies but I don’t have the energy to point out. It’s humiliating. I feel like if you asked people they’d agree that I’m pleasant or agreeable enough, but just not interesting or fun. I feel like I’ve tried every approach possible and nothing works, and when I tell people how I feel they’re all ‘aww no we love you’, but their behaviour suggests the complete opposite.
I am in a strange trio situation at the minute where we all have things in common but they don’t seem to fully take to me. They sometimes include me and may say oh we should do that, but it doesn’t happen. They give me such mixed signals, I could go into detail but I just cannot be bothered, I’m so tired. I don’t want to be lonely forever and I feel like if I didn’t go to work, everyone would just forget about me and it’s so depressing. I haven’t made an impact on anybody.