I’m kicking my family out of my house, should I be doing anything differently?
I (21) am kicking my family out of my house.
I had a surgery that went wrong when i was younger and was awarded a few million pounds, the settlement was transferred into a trust set up by the legal firm that handled the case.
Using 2/3rds of this settlement my parents purchased a house on behalf of me and moved my family in (siblings and themselves) the rest of the settlement was invested.
As I was below the age to consent to anything or know anything about this settlement originally the trust said that they can’t spend that much of the settlement on a house but my parents argued that I needed the space and the amenities the house offered and after some back and forth it was agreed that the house would be purchased.
part time wheelchair user, Mostly use crutches.
The days before I turned 18 I was informed that I had in fact received a settlement for the surgery that crippled me and I was overjoyed of course but as time has gone on starting after the age of 20 i have slowly started to believe that I have been taken advantage of, the bills for the house are all handled by my parents and I draw from the remaining settlement amount for an income.
When we moved in my parents took the master bedroom with its own bathroom and toilet, this bedroom is the first room when you go upstairs and is the size of all 3 remaining rooms combined. The other 3 rooms share a bathroom and are all much further away from the stairs, 2 of which are up an additional 3 stairs and I was placed in the second smallest room up the second small staircase, I was told I was given this room as it was the closest to the shared bathroom, the biggest room of the 3 was given to my sister, this room is about 30-40% larger and the remaining room is where my brother is.
I have been asked multiple times that I should be contributing to the bills of the house but I never have as I believed im contributing enough by owning the house and saving them from paying a mortgage.
I had said to my parents last year that I would eventually want to sell this house and live on my own and have a smaller house with a nice car, as my passion lies with cars. but at the time I thought this would be selfish and would wait until I was a bit older to mature and really think about it properly, by this time I was very depressed with my situation and had thoughts of ending my life. I just wasn’t happy with how it was going and was contemplating just wasting the remaining settlement over a few years.
However after some thought I decided I would use some of my money to buy a car, as I am still young it was very difficult to find a good interest rate for financing one and I wasn’t being helped by my parents to get it as they thought It was either a waste of money or would kill myself in it Intentional or not, So I just bought the car outright as I’m lucky enough to be able to do, it was the most expensive thing I’ve ever bought but this car brought me so much happiness I truly never believed I could be that happy, I had so much fun driving this car I even took a road trip across Europe in it with friends.
at the end of that year I met someone who l really fell in love with fast. I had never had a girlfriend before so this was a new experience for me as this is a throw away I will also mention that I have multiple other medical conditions that would have a big effect on a relationship, Or so I thought.
Me and her became inseparable since then and have only spent a hand full of days apart, she is the best thing that has ever happened to me and is the most understanding kind and genuine person I’ve ever met.
Before I met her I was never taught how to do anything for myself such as cleaning, cooking, washing dishes, cleaning clothes, or doing anything really. I can’t place any blame on anyone but myself for this but i just have a feeling that I was raised to be totally dependant on my family for help even down to having water bottles brought up to me and my room cleaned, I am disabled but I can do all of these things myself but my dad has always said to me I can’t do certain things that I can now do with ease.
This shift in becoming independent has sparked a lot of ill feeling in the house as my parents believe that my girlfriend is forcing me to stop asking for help and to do it all on my own when in fact I have just realised that I need to do things myself I can’t keep living with everything being done for me which I believe now is a big reason for my feelings of worthlessness and depression before.
My parents believed that my girlfriend was only here for my money and I was doing everything for her.
When this just isn’t true in the slightest, I believe she loves me for who I am and she would never take advantage of me. She has never expected me to buy anything for her and would sign a prenup when it comes to marriage.
It was only after being with my girlfriend for a few months that my parents caught me when I was by myself and asked me what was going to happen with the house, I said I would want them to move out.
This was a big shock to them as they had set this up as the family home and had decorated the whole house over the almost decade we have all been living here and have made it home (all big projects around the house I have paid for)
both my parents work and make a good salary they also have their own home, a much smaller house very close by and they rent this out to a family, they still have a big chunk left on the mortgage and are nearing the age where they can’t apply for a new mortgage. As they have come to terms that I am in fact serious about this they have made many comments and remarks about it and have sat me down and questioned if I am mentally sound and not being controlled by my girlfriend to do this, they are saying they don’t want to move back to their old house as they want to ‘hold their heads up high’ and don’t want to live next to a horrible neighbour we had.
They have said they will get a 10 year mortgage and move hours away, my siblings are totally unaware the house is mine and have not been told about anything.
My parents have constantly struggled with money for years and even came to me to pay off a loan for my brother when he lost his job. I paid this loan off when I was 18, I’m now almost 22 and have only received 5% of this back even though my brother has had a new job for over 6 months now and makes the loan amount every month, instead of paying me back he decided to buy a
Car on finance with the loan amount he owed me as the down payment. This really upset me and I felt very betrayed that he was allowed to do this of course we are all adults and my parents can’t control what he spends his money on but they have never charged him rent for staying at home late into his 20s and he never faced any consequences for doing this to me. bearing in mind my brother has no knowledge I have any money and that I just claim benefits for an income.
Even after talking to my parents about it all I got was ‘yes its wrong and we’ve spoken to him about it’ and ‘do you really need that money back’
My parents have also had use of a motability car from my disability for the past decade, when I finally started to learn to drive at 20 all I got was what are we going to do when you pass are you still going to let us use the car, to which I said no because I didn’t want to share my car with parents or anyone for that matter.
After my most recent time talking to them about the house situation when I mentioned that my siblings should be told for them to prepare for this huge change they said they wanted to wait until they are settled into their new house. And that when my siblings find out they would side with my parents as they would ‘say it how they feel and how it looks’
For timeline sake the move won’t be happening for a few years to give myself and them time to sort everything out financially and life wise too.
Of course I still love my family and want the best for them but I can’t have 2/3rds of my settlement tied up as the family house for them if I’m looking to start my own life.
Nothing would change if me and my girlfriend split up
Am I doing anything wrong here?