MIL Dynamic PostPartum
My husband has made me feel very valid in my emotions but he’s also very quick to forgive and more level-headed than I am so I need to post this here, mainly to get it off my chest to people who hopefully understand.
My baby is 6 months old tomorrow. This is my husband (28 M) and I’s (25f) first baby, and he is the light of our world.
My husband has a very high needs sister (25 f) who is very codependent, and, hate to say it, majority of the time, attention seeking. She has a son who is a few years older than mine and she is a stay at home mom who lives almost two hours away.
I work full time from home 8 hours a day 5 days a week and my husband works 10 hours a day 4 days a week. I don’t have any family here.
My husbands family (the women) were planning a Mother’s Day brunch and my MIL, SIL, and his grandmother never responded to the group chat. I said I was going, my MIL said she didn’t think so. My son got sick and so I texted the host and said I wouldn’t make it. Lo and behold my MIL, SIL, and his grandmother go to the brunch and text me after about me not being there. They never told me they were even going and never even offered for me to ride with them or anything.
I have always been very close with his family and my MIL has always referred to me as another one of her children.
Everything has changed since my baby was born.
In the past five/six weeks, my MIL has flaked on me 5 times in helping me with my son for a couple hours while I work so I don’t get behind in my work. Each time either my SIL comes down here and then my MIL won’t come, or she just never says anything until she’d be over here during his nap time so therefore, no use in coming. She constantly talks about coming to see him then on the weekends, but never does and then complains or makes comments about not seeing him.
My SIL will get her son watched down here while she goes and does whatever it is she does. I can’t even get help to get two hours of work done.
My mental health is struggling because
A) I feel like we (my family) are totally unprioritized. His mom has always made the comment that “she doesn’t have to worry about us”. I don’t think that should mean we get left out, and put on the back burner. That seems incredibly unfair to my baby.
B) I feel like a horrible mom because I cannot work and give my baby the attention I feel he deserves because I can’t do both at the same time but we have to pay the bills. He’s a happy and beautiful baby but I wish I could do more. Daycare is not in the equation. My mom is moving here in a few weeks to help out during my work week. I know this is another thing that will have my MIL never seeing my son but feeling like a victim as to why she hasn’t.
I think I am being overly sensitive but my feelings are so hurt and I have resentment now but my MIL is very sensitive. My husband tried to explain that last week was a mentally hard week for me without any help (she didn’t offer any help last week or check on us) but I don’t think she even has a clue.
Anyone go through anything similar? Do I just let it go and begin to lower my expectations and accept my new ranking in the list of priority for them?