u/Diligent-Wave21

Please don’t be mad at me.
When I’m quiet, please understand…
I’m hurting and broken right now.
I’m isolating from everybody.
Trying to recollect my thoughts
and keep it together.
I’m sorry if I’m making you feel like I don’t care.
It’s not even like that.
I do care.
Way more than I ever show.
I am not seeing or talking to anybody.
I promise.
I’m not being reckless.
I’ve been using exercise and music as my coping mechanism outside of work and my household duties.
How about you?
How are you doing?
I hope you’re okay.
I miss you and I love you. 🫶

What the actual fuck lol
I swear I was schizo posting
and overdosing on that copium that you were here.
But you really are.
I found your reddit account. Or one of them at least.
I saw how you talked about me months ago in your posts.
You defended me and spoke really highly of me.
You criticized him and called him out on his shitty behavior.
Had no idea you felt like that.
And I think I’m gonna cry. 😭

I just wanted you to know. I’m leaving him. I can’t keep the facade up any longer. Tired of faking this perfect image to the community and our families. I’m tired of protecting his image too. He has everybody fooled with his charm but he’s a monster behind closed doors. He’s hurt me physically and emotionally so many times and I hid it, never told a soul to protect him. I am so done.

The last time I saw you. You were so caring, kind and loving. You went out of your way to do things for me. Always checking in on me if I was okay. Trying to make me as comfortable as possible. Things he should’ve been doing for me. If any outsider saw they’d think you were my bf and he was the friend.

It made me remember how things used to be and I missed your tenderness and sweet nature.

I’m sorry it’s probably not what you want to hear because you respect him and glaze him so much but it’s the truth.

By the way, HE KNOWS. He’s brought it up so many times. Especially during arguments. I denied it at first but then I admitted it and told him I didn’t give af and had no regrets whatsoever. lol.

I’m not saying this because I expect anything from you. Just want you to know the truth before it all comes crashing down. ILY.

No, I am not fucking okay, okay? You think the guilt of leaving and not choosing you hasn’t been eating me alive? I was just a scared little girl, who ran away when things got too real because I didn’t want to get hurt again. I thought you’d break my heart just like everybody else so I left and went to what I perceived as safe.

There’s not a day I never thought about you. I’ve been wearing a mask this whole time. Faking confidence, happiness but inside I am dead. My life looks so perfect from the outside but dig deeper and it isn’t.

I died when I ran away from you. I can’t even function everyday without alcohol and need it just to cope because of the thought of you hurts so much.

You think I’m happy with him? Lol. If only you knew. At the end of the day, he is NOT you.

Is that what you wanted to know? The satisfaction you want? That my life is hell? Enjoy.

You say I’m shallow and just used you for sex, but you couldn’t be more wrong. Before I messed with you, I actually liked you as a person. Your personality, your smile, your laugh, your humor. Your style. Everything.

I saw myself in you. You were just like me. A super flawed person with demons inside. Craving validation and attention constantly, due to daddy issues. Broken inside.

I saw the pain in you and felt it on so many levels. I connected with you and felt we truly understood each other, even if we never said it.

Despite all you were fighting inside. I still saw the beauty in you. The real you. I respected you so much.

But our circumstances prevented us from ever being together. We were always seeing other people.

It’s been a while and I still think about you. Although we can’t be together, I still love you and will always love you silently. Hope she makes you happy.