support on security in myself
hi everyone. this is my first time posting here! i am 14 and for the past 6 months or so i have really been noticing some differences between me and my friends. the past couple of years my friends have been talking to me about boys and how much they want to date them and i just felt nothing. imagining boys in a romantic way made me really uncomfortable and all boys just kind of look th same to me, not attractive at all. then i moved school and have developed what i now know is a massive crush on a girl a bit older than me. she has a long wolf cut and a beautiful smile and is so kind and everytime i think about her i get butterflies. i tried to test myself and look at photos of boys compared to girls and there was such a difference, i finally understand why my friends love talking about boys all the time. looking back even as far as my primary school years i can remember one of my friends cutting her hair and me really wishing she was a boy so i could ask her out. 🫣.
anyway, i think im just so scared to tell my parents and friends because what if it’s a phase? and i really want a family and kids when im older. i dont want to tell people that i like girls so much because i dont want to give up on the expectations everyone has for my future. everyday its like im bouncing between feeling so free and happy that i have understood this about myself and could maybe have a girlfriend but also so scared that im lying to myself, will ruin my future, or that no girl will ever want to be with me. i’m not really sure what im looking for, i think i needed somewhere to let this out and ask for someone else’s opinion without them thinking anything different about me. thank you for your support xx