u/DimensionFluffy4615

I cannot stand that the body requires food. Like, I miss my one meal a day, dude. Now that I've been working this job it legit is forcing me to eat twice a day, this is utter bs I'm talking running to the bathroom every 30 minutes in between executing tasks at my job, shit is annoying. I want to go back to neglecting to eat for an entire day until I'm so sauced that I'm ravenous at the end of the night. I guess I just have to remind myself that I'm mainly doing this FOR the booze. 🫩

Official day one of work is OOOOVVVAAAHHHH!!! I have a water bottle filled with Olde English and a shot of Evan Williams, not a bad way to end my morning/night. The day went by pretty fast and the people I work with are pretty chill. No work until Wednesday, so hopefully the last check from my prior job kicks in and I can booze it through these days I have off. About to go demolish this beer and WHIIISSKKKKAAAAYYYYY!!! CHAIRS FACKERS!!!

I was supposed to stay sober as it is the first official day of my job. Did I follow through with said plan? Fuck no. I'm only drinking 16oz Heineken, though, so not doing too bad. I had the worst nightmare, like legit I experienced an anxiety attack IN THE FUCKING DREAM! It was horrible, shit was so bad that it gave me actual anxiety. At least I'm going in, so fuck it. These days all I can expect from myself is the bare minimum. Kind of ironic, because I feel like I'm already living a nightmare. Why would my dreams not reflect my literal life??? Haha. Anyways, I'm more than halfway dressed and halfway buzzed. LET'S FUCKING GO!!!! CHAIRS FUCKERS

I think I was kidding myself, thinking I could abstain from booze entirely. I'm so over giving a fuck, because what even fucking matters anymore? Nothing can comfort me in the way that shot went down my throat so fucking smoothly, I had no care in the world right in that moment. Who gives a shit? Not me. Maybe it will kill me. Maybe it will slowly torture me until I wither away. All I know is it'll be the sweetest torture to ever exist on this god-awful planet.

Why even try when it all is overlooked? No one gives a fuck about any of your efforts, they only care when you make mistakes. I can't think of a better way to go out, anyways. With booze, I'm never alone, it holds me tight like no human on earth ever could, it doesn't judge me, it doesn't threaten to leave me, it doesn't degrade me, it doesn't belittle me. Fuck this shit. I am a degenerate and very possibly will die as one. CHAIRS FUCKERS 💺

These fucking withdrawal symptoms go insane, it's the MAIN reason why I don't want to quit drinking. My chest hurts so bad and my anxiety is through the damn roof. I managed to go all day without drinking, but my entire body is screaming at me right now. I'm going to see if eating will help, if not, I'm gonna just give in and drink. Fuck this! CHAIRS 💺

Well, I woke up at 5:30am and managed to get to my first day (technically 2nd as I missed the first yesterday) of training on time. They want me to come in at a different location to train for my official day 2 tomorrow, assholes decided to change my location and schedule, whatever. All that truly matters is the job appears to be laid-back, it's money in my pocket for booze, I no longer have to feel like a fucking burden to everyone around me, and it is routine, which I miss. I miss pretending to be a functioning member in society.

I made some al pastor, so I will down this Olde English, maybe go grab a King Cobra from the local market and then attempt to eat some tacos, I also have guacamole. 🤭 My girl is always mad at me, nothing new. I love the state I was born and raised in, sue me, not like you would get a dime out of it, anyways. I hope you all are having a fantastic Wasted Wednesday, my only goal is to achieve getting plastered as I feel it will be a reward to myself after this long day of anxiety from sobriety...see what I did there? I was dry for 6 hours, while conscious. I definitely gave myself a pat on the back.

HERE'S TO SAYING FUCK IT ALL CHAIRS 💺

I hate having to drink less in between the day, because I am broke as fuck. I'm so lucky that I landed this job, I am not built to eyeball how much I drink throughout the day, bro. For some reason, if I don't drink enough, I fucking experiences wd's. Shit blows. Back to the survey apps I go. Going to knock down this Hurricane Slurricane and pretend my life isn't fucking shit. CHAIRS 💺

Who can say they got hired and fired in less than 24 hours???? 😄 Literally just got extended a job offer and today was supposed to be my first day of training. Guess who forgot to set an alarm and overslept??? I called the guy, but I'm 99% sure he will rethink his decision, best case scenario he'll lecture me and still let me start the schedule he's given me. Fuck. I'm pissed at myself, but this won't be the first nor the last time. CHAIRS FUCKERS!

Update: He told me if I don't come in tomorrow, then I am fired. LOL

Anyone ever get tired of their stomach? Like, bro, I just fed you 16 hours ago??? Leave me the fuck alone fr. The bitch is lucky to get it's once a day meal. What sucks more is when you are so busy with work-related shit you have to neglect drinking for a few hours, then your stomach decides to start complaining. I just drink through it, because no. We are on a strict diet out here...a liquid one..😉 just got home, so I am about to slam an Olde English and finally respond to my needy ahhh hunger. CHAIRS FUCKERS!

Fuck you 2026, seriously. I fucking hate you, stupid fucking year. I have dealt with depression for as long as I could remember, but this ONE FUCKING YEAR has brought me nothing, aside from grief since it has started. I'm not even an emotional person and yet I have broken down so many damn times in the past 5 months.

Man, I hate myself, I hate the little bitch I have become. Always whining about everything and you'd think it was because I wanted to be saved, no, I just cannot fight how I feel any longer. Life fucking sucks so bad. I've never felt like more of a piece of shit in my entire life, which says a lot, because I have ALWAYS been a piece of shit.

I'm just IMPATIENTLY waiting for this nightmare to be over, I miss the old me, the one who gave no fucks about anything, the one who never got sad. What are emotions? Not currency, I'll tell ya that. Emotions only slow you down and prevent you from handling shit that needs to be addressed. If only, if only I still had motivation to do anything in this life of mine. I don't care anymore. I have my last double shot of New Amsterdam and I'm gonna try to enjoy it. CHAIRS FUCKERS!

The left side of my mouth is numb where my impacted wisdom tooth is. Not going to lie, I have been putting off it's extraction, but this something I've never experienced before. It almost feels like I've been given novacaine on the entire left side of my mouth.

I went to a homeless program and they requested a few documents. My question is: who all can sign off on confirmation of homelessness? Have any of you ever had someone sign off as a witness? I had an appointment next Monday with my therapist, yesterday we talked about her looking over the paper during the appointment, but I have an interview for that date and time now. The program stresses that it needs to be a third-party and they have to be part of a company/organization. My next appointment for therapy isn't until June 30th now. Plus if I do get hired, who even knows if I'll be off on that specific date? It's already difficult to have a scheduled with her as it is, all we have had is an intake. I need to consider other options and I appreciate any advice on this matter.

Kinda getting over this life. If you read my last post, you know that an altercation occurred at my job on the first day of my starting. I asked if I could just patrol the store until things blew over, but she was adamant about how it's mandatory to stay stationery, then asked me if I wanted to be removed from schedule and placed on-call. Idk I mean this friggin guy was on my route back home??? Heard last minute a supervisor should have been there to train me the first day, too. Hah. That never fucking happened, even the company manager seemed surprised.

Anyways, whatever. I accepted her offer, because I know they have better fucking locations. Still leaves me back to square one, because I am not staying idle and just waiting for them to find a post if that shit takes forever. Also, haven't talked to my girlfriend for nearly 24 hours (if I still even have one, that is), I just didn't have it in me to tell her that I may be unemployed...again. We had plans for her to move here permanently, but I dunno. I don't know anything anymore, I just feel numb and like I don't want to keep living this shit life. Anywhore, I have a bit of OE left and a half of cup of sangria. That is all my broke ass can afford. CHAIRS FACKERS!

Nothing went right, besides me arriving to work on time. I woke up late, because I was so tired from drinking too much last night and my stupid job decided to change my schedule during evening hours. Like, no business operates after 5pm, for the most part. How the fuck was I supposed to know to check my schedule at 5:30pm when I just left orientation with what I thought was a confirmed schedule?

Woke up in just enough time to walk to work, I had mad anxiety all day at work, I couldn't even talk to my girlfriend who is my happy place. Right before I was about to leave, legit 20 minutes before, this stupid kid chases another kid inside the store, hits the poor guy in the head two times, screams profanities to him and runs out. That means I have to call my job and initiate an incident report. Stupid dude apparently threatened to have a machete, like wtf bro.

Then I get home and all my girlfriend wants to do is fucking argue. Thankfully, I had enough to scrounge up for a cheap, disgusting beer (barely because I was 8 cents short), but aye, fuck it. It's something. I just can't seem to drink this shit fast enough to numb my mind. What a first fucking day. Nothing like arguing with your girlfriend through video chat when you know that the problems would be resolved if not for long distance. I gotta get my shit together asap, I'm so tired of this bullshit. We never argue when I fly out to her. Fuuuuuuuccccckkkkkkk my fucking life, man.

Anyone ever find themselves falling asleep at the most random times? I do it all the time and it makes me feel like my time is coming to and end, honestly. Even my girlfriend has found me in the bathroom, passed the fuck out.

Orientation was a success! Initially I was told to come in tomorrow at 3:45pm and they changed the shift time to tomorrow morning at 7:15am, but what can ya do? As annoying as that shit is, a job is a job. I'm happy to start making money again and got into another argument with my girlfriend. We love that, don't we? Gotta take the good with the bad, I guess. I'm making money and have a 40 of Olde English to keep me company, so who gives a fuck? CHAIRS FUCKERS!

Well, I'm back. Turns out I may not be single, after all, same bullshit, but I love her to bits. I went to the uniform fitting and I'll be going to orientation tomorrow morning, then starting on Wednesday. The schedule ain't too bad tbh and leaves room for me to work more, maybe a part-time job or something. Anxiety is still at a mad high, but it comes along with having a fucked life, I suppose, nothing a buzz won't fix. CHAIRS FUCKERS!

How many all-nighters have you degenerates pulled? I'm going to get ready for my uniform fitting and I want to prepare myself. I've never stayed up all night before an important job event. I have gum and perfume, I am also going to get a beer to sip on as I head there on the bus. What else do you all recommend?

I'm probably going to pull an all-nighter and go to a uniform fitting for work after, because why the fuck not? Cheers everyone!

I'm single and I don't give a fuck. I have a uniform fitting for a new job that I have to be up for in less than 4 hours, trying my best to keep it all together. I have a 40 of Olde English, so that's all I care about. CHAIRS FUCKERS!!!