r/cripplingalcoholism

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Boy my brother. Who is highly respected as an executive type etc … is coming off a year+ long hidden addiction to that and is royally fucked up ha.

I mean that’s a nasty nasty withdrawal. Almost like …. It was engineered on purpose to be highly addictive and say all natural! Who would have thought

I'm joking, I fucked up on day 7. I woke up to a missed phone call from the plasma center and my drunk ass called them back and was like, so is it hepatitis or HIV?

She said, do you not remember I said I'd call you today to check on you?

Nah, I don't remember that, at all. But good lord y'all are sweet, and probably the best plasma center I've ever been to.

I'm supposed to be doing laundry and all my meal prep for the week, but I can't risk everyone in the house smelling how drunk I am, so the only appropriate thing to do is finish this handle in my room, black out, then wake up and cook everything in the dead of night while doing laundry.

Which honestly, that's pretty much the best way to do it right? No one in the way, and I'm not in anyone's way. And if anyone gets in my fucking mashed potatoes, I can just straight up kill them.

No one sees murders in the dark. And no one should be touching my mashed potatoes either.

Idk, I'm rambling. I don't know how else to say it, but if this one retarded dude keeps touching my food, I may actually hurt him. But he looks like a hedgehog. A really fucking dense, dim hedgehog.

I don't think I could even hurt him.

We've told him several times to stop eating our food. He does this to everyone. But every time we do,he comes up with these insane rambling parables to explain his actions.

"Well, if I saw a ditch, and there were frogs in it, well that would be a ditch of hippity bottoms? Ya know? That's all I'm saying!"

No! Tyler, fucking no, I do not know how that is supposed to explain why you ate all my goddamn fish sticks!!!

Dear Lord, I probably deserve this.

happily going to sleep. whatever. okay got a voucher for some new pads and held up the whole queue because my drunk ass knew i would pick up the wrong ones so i asked a worker for help. turns out she did anyway so everyone behind me was angry regardless. but i got home and put on a new pad for bed and somehow that meant my body gave itself permission to piss myself. sure fine nothing new.

but what is this?? what? candle wax???? where the fuck did you get this?? i go to the bathroom (for a proper piss) to see my spiritual flatmate still has a plate with incense on intact. okay, didn’t wreck that.

WHERE THE FUCK DID IT COME FROM. maybe it isn’t candle wax?? oh my god

I literally cannot stand to be alone with my thoughts and sadness without drinking to cope at this point. And I’m sure the alcohol itself is making it worse but I’m stuck in a viscous cycle. I feel like the only thing to look forward to in the day after work is being able to drink. I’ve given up all hobbies or even any care for myself and my surroundings.

Don't worry, I'm not upset. My heart problems have gotten substantially worse to the point that small activities are making my heart race & even a not so busy day at work is getting more challenging. I am going to a doctor on Monday and maybe it won't be as bad as I think, but I can't help but feel like it's going to be bad news.

Oh well. I haven't really much enjoyed this life for years now. Unfortunately I might have to rehome my dogs to insure that they get a good life. That's the only real bummer.

But I can’t fill my script until the morning so I’m drinking tonight!

Chairs!

I have bottles of wine at my disposal

This is my last hoorah as they say

I’m going to try and enjoy it as sick as I am

Also, I started my fucking period which sucks when you’re already living like a trash panda.

have a complete shoulder fracture and pulled muscles. i was only walking the dog as a favor for the family i babysit for and she ended up yanking me (arm went completely over my head) onto my back and dragging me through a yard. i screamed for help for 20 minutes trying to get her under control. i ended up going to work at 9:30 still and couldn’t move my arm period. picked up a sling on lunch break and stayed at work until 6:30. too late for a dr when i finally got off. went to urgent care yesterday and since i lost my teaching job i lost my fantastic insurance so that was a $150 copay of money i don’t have. i do all these other odd jobs on top of working all day. i was feeling so sick over the money because i was sure i was just being dramatic and it was just some sprained muscles. nope. referred to orthopedic surgeon. i cannot afford surgery. i’m still in debt from my two kidney stone surgeries from when i HAD that great insurance. i’m literally panicking over it so i guess i’ll drink. i don’t do pain meds.

I finally got an appointment at a university hospital, best in the state for pancreas,to go under and have a endoscopy. It took 3 months for my shit insurance to cover it. The doctor was going to remove cysts but didn’t do it and straight up told me it’s because of alcohol and stop wasting his time, he was annoyed and cold.

Somehow my liver and kidneys are fine. The photos are pretty horrifying. Im not sure what the next move is. No more vodka, just beer so I don’t get withdrawals. Place near me can’t sell beer in a refrigerator so warm beer it is 🪑

I cant take this damn anxiety I get after drinking. Im talking non stop pacing and sobbing feeling like my heart is about to explode. I went sober 58 days then started drinking for like a week with 2 days off in-between. Im 31F and been drinking since 19. I but hey, drug abuse, gang rape, nudes getting spread of you, and a few forced abortions will do that to you 💁‍♀️ it started out with beer but turned into a whole different monster in 2020 when vodka came into picture. Its not fun anymore. My entire life is a mess. The vodka hammer isn't working amymore.

im having closed eye hallucinations. almost like dreams but i feel like im awake. just trying to sleep and this shit is stressing me out. is this normal for withdrawl?

iv never had an extreme withdrawal. it still does not feel like im in any danger. but this is my first time experiencing this.

Chairs everyone!

I’ve spent maybe my whole adult life teetering between functioning and crippling alcoholism.

I’ve had my years of sobriety and I’ve had many, MANY years I don’t recall.

Genetics & all that, when I was young & dumb I vowed to not be like my dad and not let alcohol control anything in my life. Wishful thinking, obviously.

Everyone has a reason why they drink and I’ve never dealt with my reasons until recently. My father was a “provider” but he drank so much he ended up abusing me. Then my brother (also CA) started abusing me.

When I get sober I have to face those problems head on. I have to concoct a reason why I don’t talk to my family.

It’s easier to say when I’m drunk. The men in my family abuse the women, sexually. Idk if I’m breaking the rules by saying this.

I was abused before the age of 5, it didn’t stop til I was at least 13. That’s a lot of formative years. My father and my brother weren’t always drunks. They were always abusers though.

This is my last night (hopefully) being a CA. I just wanted to shout into the void that the reasons I am the way I am weren’t always my fault. There’s an action and a reaction to everything anyone’s been through. I’ve got to start holding myself accountable for how I handle my past.

Shots of crown royal to all of you, chairs.