r/cripplingalcoholism

I dont know tbh dude but i finished an entire half gallon in one sitting about 16 hours ago. And right now i cant stop shaking physically, I really want to be sedated but I feel literal nerve damage setting in right now

after many many things happened, i attempted to end my shit. i chugged most of a 750 of jamo, took probably 5 ambiens, put a plastic bag over my head, and sat in my bathtub

i live in a studio apartment above a restaurant. i did what i did at about 9-10am during their opening hours. it was not my intent for anyone to notice, didn’t call for help at all, and i know i didn’t leave the faucet on before i started drifting off but the restaurant flooded really badly. like 30-40k worth of damage badly according to my property mgmt. maybe my foot kicked the faucet, idk.

had no idea about the damage, all i remember is maintenance guys coming into my place and finding me. i didn’t call anyone and i fully expected to die. i remember being put on a stretcher then being put on a psych hold.

psych hold lasted 8 days. lied my way home. got back, had to uber because i have 0 friends, came back to an eviction notice on my door.

attempted again. didn’t work. then got hammered enough to check myself into a r*h**. on the way to said *ehab, i stopped into a gas station and drank a ton for one last hoorah i guess. also drank a shit ton before obv

my medical records show i blew a .5 . actually it says “>.5”

did not know i was capable of this yet im not shocked. lied my way out of treatm*nt. so much more to say but im hammed ofc. got out today. all i want to do is drink and lay down and listen to music. fuck. i can’t take care of myself. i lost everything.

if anyone could tell me about their experience it would mean a ton. i’m looking at homelessness within the next week or 2, i’m female in a relatively safe downtown college-town area. thanks ssssssssssssssss

As messed up as I am. Walking up to the restaurant, and saying, so lost and confused. “A table of 1,”. Going to get my regular, a clam chowder and maybe try something else. But, I need to see the sky, the sunset. Before I go.

Naltrexone effective again. I get my Kokanees cold as ice and I can’t even have a sip without gagging. Struggling to cough down the 3rd one on the patio right now. I’ll get some sort of buzz tonight I swear to god.

Even earlier at my favorite sushi place, I had their sake margarita bomb, it’s like slushy strawberry goodness. I could barely finish the jug. Took me like 2 hours and gave a glass to the mrs when usually I down that shit in 20 minutes and order 2 more.

Won’t be hungover tomorrow at work, but fuck I could’ve enjoyed tonight.

I don’t really know what else to say. He wasn’t a boozebag but he partook in every other drug under the sun if it was available. Dead from an apparent overdose. I can’t say I’m in shock about it because we knew his trajectory was heading this way. I just hope he didn’t suffer. It was terrible to see how he was positioned this morning halfway hanging off the couch in the study. Head upside down on the carpet (luckily faced towards the couch). Coroner thinks he had been passed at least 10-14 hours. “Drainage” on the carpet. Fuckkk

I just moved back home after a broken engagement. Fucking hell. I guess I’ll have to play some Phish songs tonight since they were always his favorite.

Chairs.

If you’re at a superstore where the checkout lines are long and you’re the (obviously) only one in the queue with a basket full of a fuck ton of liquor (so heavy the plastic handle of the basket is bending) and don’t want to be judged or ashamed… Just stop by the birthday card isle, and pick up x1 cheap shitty birthday card and x1 bag of shitty balloons or a shitty birthday banner.

Place these items on top of said alcohol and tadaaaa, the people in the queue and cashier instantly think you’re throwing some sort of birthday party.

Works every time.

EDIT: I’m only talking about large superstores. My local clerk knows what I want without even asking.

Chairs.

I know the science says alcohol is alcohol no matter what and the buzz is the same but from my own experience I swear it really is different, I find that wine gives a pretty cold and detached buzz that lacks euphoria whereas beer offers a more euphoric happy buzz and whiskey is like that but x10, it's so interesting

Checked weather.gov earlier and it's going to be raining starting today, through the weekend until next week. Grabbed my phone and ordered a 1.75 l of jim beam and johnny walker, and some truly's.

I'm going to force myself out into the bullshit tomorrow and try to get some last minute sales and then just turtle up with my booze and streaming tv.

I really need to use this little brief downtime and get some writing done. I've been working on my train journey book little by little but I seriously did not take enough notes and since I was in legal weed cities for half the trip so it's all blurry.

Anyway, saw the forecast and got a total wine instacart order. Up pulls up my boy in his white tesla and immediately was like "Michael! I was on the phone with my girl when I saw your order and was like 'i love that dude, he's always right there at the curb'".

He gives me my scotch/whiskey/seltzers/wine and says "don't forget 5 stars!", always make sure to tip him 15%. Chairs to all who keep this addiction going with the last amount of driving in traffic.

I haven’t drank in 2 days and I am DYING I want a drink so bad 😭 like I NEED it

I don’t have a car and I don’t wanna walk a mile in the snow so I was gonna do delivery because it’s fucking 2026.

DoorDash won’t let me use my debit card? Are you fucking SERIOUS? I just want a god damn steel reserve 211 and the liquor stores on uber eats don’t have it.

I also live with my parents and they’re out rn but now I don’t know if I can get my drinks before they get home 😭

Im just pissed the fuck off and I know this might be a sign but I DO NOT CARE I JUST WANT A BEER!!!!!!!

I’m a mom that works full time. A partner that feels like we’re drifting apart, but it feels so good when I drink. I have 1+ bottles of wine a night. It’s my escape, it clears my brain from my ADHD and gives me that dopamine rush. I am actually productive when I drink, it clears the ADHD barrier of doing things I don’t want to do. I guess I’m a mess, I need to snap back to reality. But I feel this isn’t my fault. The clarity I get when I drink is amazing. How long can I stay in this bubble? I’m 32 now, I need to get better but it’s staying with me. Real life is shit, dealing with relationships is hard. I just want to be alone in a small place, doing what I want to do. But that’s selfish.

I had a work meeting this morning like a 5 min walk from my house. Went well enough and I felt fine, little tweaky but whatever. On my way out I suddenly started to feel too dizzy to cross the street- was hanging onto various railings.

Decided to sit down on a bench for a sec and try to calm down cuz I spiral into panic attacks easily. Of course it’s 90 degrees out so that’s not helping. I move to a bench in the shade after trying to rally to walk home… like literally just up a hill. But high traffic area and I was worried about passing out and hurting myself on concrete as one does.

I gave up and called an uber. When he arrives I stand up and immediately feel dizzy and shaky and like my legs don’t work right. This angel of a woman stranger escorts me to the car and opens the door.

I told the driver I was sick so he took the longer route that put me directly at my door and helped me out.

My building super sees me leaning on the railing and walking like Frankenstein and helps me into the elevator… he’s new and I imagine he already thinks I’m crazy (not wrong).

Try to eat a pear and vomit on the carpet before making it to the bathroom.

Supposed to turn in a work project by end of day and I’m just in a ball with a heating pad ranting here instead. I’m very grateful that despite drinking am-pm I haven’t blown up my life (yet)

2 heavy pour drinks later I’m feeling better. It’s scary that not drinking enough might have made me sick. Oh to be a weekend warrior puking from overconsumption.

Anyway sorry for the rant, was just very freaked out about not being able to walk 0.5 miles and needed to vent- was nice to know if I’m in a bad way people will help

so you see me, a good looking woman. what you don’t know is i am an alcoholic. deep down destructive. i look at the world like i am sober. trying to be. destructive like i said. lost jobs. good jobs. to the drink. i look at the world like a relapsing piece of shit

3 or 4 day bender which included almost everything under the sun. Lost half the money I made for my year and have no idea how to recoup. I just toasted some health, sobriety, a lot of money, a little more of my dignity and I’m sick as hell.

That’s it.

I feel like i just woke up from a coma. and the intrusive thoughts already were dancing. So ima drink until they shut up.

Any1 else? Chairsssssss

200 characters i said what i wanted to say already tbh

i am getting my second vivitrol shot tonight and i wanna drink but if i drink before i'm not gonna blow a zero before getting my shot like my psychiatrist makes me do for whatever reason and if i drink after i risk wasting the little precious alcohol i have by drinking it and not getting any euphoria because my opioid receptors are antagonized. i do still get social disinhibition and the bodily effects, interesting the biology of that, but don't feel happy at all. lmk y'all's experiences pls

i haven’t had a proper meal in 5 days, but i need to go further into the abyss. What is a better alcohol to drink value and calories wise?

i tried bring positive and going healthy but that was more miserable than the alcohol bingeing. I realise now, alcohol is the cure for everything but I don’t want to gain weight especially if not eating, beer just bloating me

I got it prescribed for bipolar depression.

I'm generally against psychiatric medications but my mind has been so fucked lately that I'm desperate enough to give it a try. I picked up the pills just yet, am supposed to take one before bed. I've been drinking lately but not a lot imo.

Any1 here taking this shit?

Took some Viagra with Vodka before having sex…as soon as I finished my heart started going crazy, to the point that I went to the ER. Was told my heart was in Afib. Ended up staying in the ER for 36 hours and was released. My provider told me that if I continue drinking, I’m probably going to crash out. I have to now take blood thinners for the foreseeable future. Fuckin A. I was clean for over a year and just started drinking again in February. This is fuckin lame.

I drink heavily most nights and chainsmoke when I do. I've noticed the past few years I just get a lame ass cold every couple months. Before covid, I'd only get sick once a year and I've been drinking and smoking heavily since 2017.