u/crypticfirecat

Just trying to think of a title caused me to stare in space for a good 10 seconds.incant think. I know it’s always been the booze. I’ve been told that many times. I’ve noticed the improvement when I stop for a few days. But here I am. After losing eve try thing.

I’ve been taken to the hospital many times, doc visits, benzodiazepines for withdrawal, many chances to stop, all that. Now I’m stuck in a hotel after losing my life, haven’t been able to eat for months really, just small bites. I exploded on my partner and stepdaughter. Finally got kicked out by the roommates we were living with. I don’t have my cat or dog, not that I’ve been very good at taking care of them anyway. But now I’m alone. Threw up blood this morning, but still having a Long Island ice tea mixed drink so I could stop the shakes.

I can’t do anything. Lost my job back in March from drinking, only had a few days off from drinking fb since then. I was warned this would happen. I couldn’t stop and I still can’t.

Idk what the point of this post is other than just to not feel so alone

I’m in a very rough spot right now. Lost everything again for the millionth time, but always found a way to get back. To again be with my friends, fiancé, pets, a nice home. I am moving out of state to live with a relative I don’t get along with very well, because he’s the only one who will take me in. My actions are my fault. I’m just trying to find some people to relate to while I’m stuck alone in a hotel for another night. Thanks in advance

Edit to add that not only am I losing people, I’m losing my animals

I kept drinking. I thought everything was OK. I was given multiple chances and then when things happened outside of my control the only thing he would hear was that I have been drinking at the time I have to move away to a different state with a family member that I don’t get along with I have to lose my animals. I have to lose myself. I don’t know how to put my pieces back together his whole thing exploded because my 10-year-old stepdaughter lied about me, but nobody cared that she was lying because I had been drinking. That’s all over. I don’t know. I don’t know what to do. My whole life has been chaos for like a week. I’ve completely lost everything. I’m so alone. I don’t know what the point this post is other than that, I don’t know how to sit alone with myself trying to be sober alone anyway I’m moving to DC soon so if anyone lives around DC and wants to like be my friend, I don’t know maybe help me adjust

I have $0 left. I owe the local store like $40. My partner got fired and spent all his money over the weekend. So here’s day one.

I have gabapentin, zofran, and all the vitamins. I only had one double shot and one beatbox wine yesterday with the last of my change. I was pretty shaky and awful. I actually slept okay last night with some Benadryl. Don’t feel as shaky today, but we’ll see how it goes. No money or gas to even get to the hospital, plus I have to hide that I’m withdrawing again anyway.

I was doing like 6-8 of those 99 double shots a day for quite awhile so hopefully the gabapentin will be enough to prevent any seizures. Kept an apple and some crackers down yesterday, not ready to try food yet today though.

Wish me luck

I could clearly see and feel the energy i wanted to draw and when i did, it ended up looking like a drawing of an alien. Because I’m a terrible artist. And I did some simple outlines with my eyes closed, and when I opened them I just laughed. What I saw, what I felt, is very similar to many artistic depictions of the soul and body with the inner eye above. All these beautiful images I’ve connected with, other people had the ability to create them in this life.

So it got me thinking, maybe that’s all ancient drawings were, right? Humans having spiritual moments during meditation and trying to draw them, and they end up looking alien figures. And now we have Ancient Aliens, conspiracy theories, etc.

I’m writing this frantically so not as much detail as I would like to provide but I had to get this out of my head somewhere before I lost it.

Any thoughts or insights I would appreciate. I’m sure I’m not the first person with this thought and it hit me as a truth to the point of hysterical laughter. Thanks in advance, love you all

He lived away for almost a year, and in that time I still drank, but only some evenings and weekends. Had a great relationship with my roommates (also his friends, but he decided to leave). We didn’t talk for 8 months. When we reconnected, we had both grown and it seemed to be working.

I pushed for them to let him move back in. To get him off meth, to help my stepdaughter be safe and not waking up to gunshots.

Since he moved in my mental health has deteriorated. He has “brain zaps” and is always sleeping or angry at me. The only time we spend together is him crying or sleeping. But I watch him spend time with my roommates and invite friends over all of the time without inviting me. I’ve been drinking more to just deal with this.

I have my own struggles. I do. He just ignores me when we’re around each other, or starts a fight and tells me I started it, but he’s completely animated and happy when anyone else is around.

I’ve tried communicating this to him. It hurts my feelings when you don’t include me… he says he doesn’t include me because I always say no. Yes, you’re right, I don’t want to wake up at 1am to do drugs with you. He plans DnD gatherings and specifically does not invite me. Because lately I’ve had a. “Piss poor” attitude. Because I’ve been grabbing a couple shots again lately

Could that possibly be because you’re a fucking dick to me behind closed doors and the best persona ever when you plan group things without me? IM THE ONE THAT HAS TO DEAL WITH THE. RUBT OF TOUR METH WITHDRAWAL yet you paint me as this monster to everyone I know?

Help, please I need help

I’m exhausted. Mentally, emotionally, spiritually. I came clean and detoxed at ER a month ago, kept on my med regimen for a week, but as soon as it was out I went back to drinking. Because I can’t get away from this noise. Constant dogs barking, kids yelling, people over. For a brief month, life was peace and bliss.

Then I got fired. Then my “partner” moved in with his kid, while withdrawing from meth, roommates are constantly doing drugs. But theyre all succeeding at work and being social butterflies and I started drinking again because I can’t stand the constant noise without something to numb it, now they al hate me. But they’re all succeeding. I have no where to go, no family, no where to turn.

I can’t go to the doctor’s anymore because they canceled my insurance, I can’t get a moment of peace, I’m an introverted alcoholic stuck with extroverted ketamine and meth users, and everyone ignores me now because I’ve just been hiding so they don’t see me cry every day, I can only interact with booze, I’m drowning and I’m dying and no one cares

Specifically, a video that highlights the extreme feelings that can happen when we are at odds. It completely breaks me and I’m unable to get out of that feeling for awhile.

We both have severe childhood trauma, but in very different ways. We’re working on our communication and I’m trying to find new language to express what I go through when he yells. He’s working on his own issues as well, I’m hoping that some new language to explain what I go through will help improve future communication

Thanks in advance

I’ve recently realized I am now a “snob” when it comes to jarred tomato sauces. Sure, I can get a pretty cheap jar for a quick pasta, but once I learned how to make it with fresh or even canned tomatoes, veggies, plus control over spices… I can never go back, the taste is far superior, and it’s much healthier!

So it got me thinking, what are some cheap & healthy things that you’re okay being a “snob” about?