r/dryalcoholics

All I fucking do is work, exercise and read and walk my dog and think of fascinating shit like what to eat for dinner. I mean reading is fine, I do that even when I drink, and the other shit too. Life is so-so, there are problems but i don't perceive anything, nothing gets to me. I didn't drink in almost 3 weeks because I was sick and "didn't need it to have fun", or something along those lines, today I'm just irritated. I need something that puts me somewhere else mentally. What use is it to congratulate yourself every morning on another night spent being a good and reasonable bore. But I know the alternative isn't that ideal either, doesn't always live up to the expectations. Sometimes I think of my life as a prison sentence, the last 10 years or so especially. Anyway, I'm pretty sure I won't drink today but probably will in the next few days, and it really deeply bothers me, this delay. If someone walked in now offering me alcohol, I don't care who or why, I would be so happy. I'm practicing stoicism also, actually it suits me fine, for some reason in everything but alcohol I love to restrain myself as much as possible, but my willpower with alcohol is now such that I don't initiate it or drink alone, but I will respond to any opportunity where alcohol is placed in my proximity. Considering I live alone and am pretty asocial that's not a big risk, but it makes me extremly annoyed by all the potential contacts who could bring alcohol into my life but currently aren't. The saddest thing is, when I eventually do drink, I know nothing special will happen and I'll be hangover and say something stupid like "I really don't need alcohol anymore" hahahahahahahaha

I'm not bragging in any part of this post, but I'm tall and not heinously ugly so despite never going out and never hitting on girls, I somehow always have someone trying to "fix me", and given my former CA status, the help is often welcomed, purely as medical intervention.

But cut to months later when I'm in my familiar sober state, these people want to cash in on what I always treat as a valuable friendship, but it's something more to them.

I guess my question is, how do you honor an important relationship like that in early sobriety? Unfortunately, I feel like I have to be selfish lately, as in not wanting to go out to bars to have "non-alcoholic" drinks or even just being around people drinking in general.

The simple answer is to just explain all this, which I've tried politely, but that somehow translates into me feeling super vulnerable with this specific person, making them more attached.

Well I found a SMART meeting that's going to take place tonight at 5 pm about 45 minutes drive away. I don't want to go to a local one or AA so this sounds right. Problem is I'm having severe anxiety about it. I look the most disgusting I ever have and social problems have been getting worse I can't even go inside of stores this week. I wish I could wear a ski mask. Lmfao. How the fuck did you get the courage to go in alone if you have?

I screwed up royally.

I’ve been given multiple ultimatums, and of course I always ruin it.

I relapsed again and although I only drank for two days, I did a shit ton of damage in those two days, that my partner had enough of my shit. I said some shit that I don’t even remember saying at all but it hurt my partners feelings that enough was enough.

I missed work once again (total of 10 days already that I have called off work in the last almost 3 months, that frankly I wouldn’t be surprise if I have a dismissal letter when I return)

Anyways… my partner told me to start looking for a new place. Frankly I can’t afford a place on my own, so my only option is going to live in my car. The only friend I have already has someone couch surfing indefinitely (dude is going through a divorce that took a lot from him) so that’s a no go. My parents are extreme hoarders so there’s no room for me there either … so living in my car is the only option for now unfortunately.

Anyways… wanted to ask you fellow DryAlcoholics for any suggestions or advice if you have any. If you experience homelessness how did you manage? Any tips?

My short term goal for now is to find a safe place to park so that I can sleep. Restrooms and shower, I will manage with a cheap gym membership. If money allows it I might rent a hotel room for a few days from time to time. Long term goal, is to hopefully get my own place down the road, which in this economy I know it’s going to be a hard time.

I guess going through this shit will finally get me to be sober because I know damn well money is going to be extremely tight now moving forward… especially if I end up losing my job while am at it

Anyways.. thanks for reading

When I was with my Ex, I developed a sophisticated drinking operation in her house. Pretty much the moment I stepped in that place for the first time my brain was immediately trying to work out how I can secretly drink. I'd casually place my duffle bag by the door which was conveniently by a downstairs bathroom, this meant that every time I needed to "piss" I could slip one of the 2L bottles of Barr soda out the bag that was 1/3rd filled with gin. With heavy pissing I was able to drown out the sound of the bottle making a fizz when it opened and I could use the flush and refilling of the toilet to quickly exit and shove the bottle back in the bag.

I'd always end up waking up at around 3:30 am which gave me time to retrieve my dufflebag from downstairs, bring it to her spare room and then I could have a solid hour of drinking alone in the spare room. I'd always then go to sleep in the spare room because I """"didn't want to wake her up :^)"""

Showers were a FANTASTIC place to drink. A locked room, shower drowning out the noise and nothing but me and my gin n' juice.

I remember once she lifted my dufflebag into her car without asking and said "what on earth have you got in here". I didn't want to tell the truth, so I said "half a million in cash" which she found very amusing. It was an incredible relief when she didnt ask to see inside it.

Gee I wonder why that relationship failed.

A lot of you may be thinking "How did you hide the smell?". Easy, I used to scrub my mouth out with soap and I was always wearing tiger balm because I had "a sore back". I remember once she put her face into my chest and told me that I smell great. I was happy purely because I assumed I was getting away with not smelling of gin.

Well unfortunately life needs to happen soon, and the drinking needs to be cut down drastically. I’ve been drinking about a fifth a day for about a year, however since I have been BARELY eating for the past week, 2 nights ago I got the onset of DT’s after not drinking enough (combined with also not getting any calories besides vodka for a week). After shaking so bad I barely could open my phone I called someone, just anyone, but mainly my grandma (understands my situation.) I very quickly pour up a massive glass of my usual vodka and barely limp over put my lips to the glass and do little sips to get it down to the point where it won’t go everywhere when I try to pick it up with my 2 shaky hands. Even then the anxiety was through the roof thankfully my grandma god forbid she stayed on call and was able to come home and so I’d have someone there for me

Gma is the only one I trust being there and she’ll comfort me and gets it. I get extremely scared being alone, I don’t have a car and where I live the hospitals are like 30 mins away, so ambulance usually takes even longer, and when you’re about to go into DTs if you ever got them you know, you will be dead if not you will have a grand-mal seizure 100%.

It’s hard having to clamp your grandmas hand with the feeling like you’re gonna die and have to lie down next to her. Anyways that night I got some more into me every now and then with some bread (WHICH HELPS A LOT) and then and started feeling a little better

Barely got 30 mins or so of sleep but at least I did.

Morning, felt a lot better after getting some bread into me throughout the day, only had to drink a little less than a quarter of the fifth that was left from last night, and when that quarter was out, I slowly sipped a very high % seltzer throughout the day. Bought a backup fifth THAT I WILL AND HAVE NOT TOUCHED Unless I absolutely have to.

Now sitting here 3:30am ate 2 bites of pasta which brought my appetite back had nice small chicken pot pie too. No shakes or WD’s and seltzer was finished hours ago. Hoping to aim for a nice breakfast, and manage to use this backup only for necessity tomorrow.

Damn this is long. Just wanted to document for myself, rather share. As well as what I drank to keep the taper accurate. Damn it feels weird not ending with chairs!

IWNDWYTN is the thing here I think?

34days in and still struggling to kill time but this stuff has worked for me

Biking/ finding new tv shows/movies

Someone posted somewhere about how they have the hobby of learning new skills (the other day I memorized phone numbers in my contacts, today was how to type properly lol)

Journaling/ stretching/ walking/ light exercise

Cooking/ drinking coffee and laying down listening to true crime, boring history, etc on YouTube

Cleaning/ reorganizing/ decorating

Drawing/ painting/ photography

Sober community activities (by me there’s a group called Phoenix <chicago> that holds free events like rock climbing, mini golf, etc)

Going to meetings- (if you’re anti AA give it a shot you’d be surprised) I’m not religious or someone who’s remotely optimistic or even spiritual but the conversation in there is great +theres all types of groups

If SMART recovery is more your style google their site and there’s a ton of zoom meetings just be ready to hear some kid vent about his jerking off addiction for 20min… some can be unbearable

Push yourself to try new things. I’ve gotten back into studying tech bs I used to be passionate about but really want to try reading fiction, always been somewhat envious of people who instead of scrolling get lost in books

Going for short drives can also be nice

This shit has worked for me pretty well- I used to cave the moment a craving even whispered my name- honestly bought into the idea that you can fight them n win- it’s true- just do something, they don’t last long

I appreciate any suggestions/advice

Hubs took his first pill yesterday, didn't eat anything with it and has felt ill ever since. Not sure he will continue, this morning he is still feeling ill. How long could this last in his system?

Be kind, yet also realistic to yourself. I relapsed after I went to rehab, and I was feeling really down on myself today. That wasn’t getting me anywhere.

So I got out of bed, went to the gym, did laundry, and now I’m going to try to make a meeting. And I made sure to tell myself to stay positive and take one day at a time!

No mate what level/stage you’re currently at, stay as positive as possible.

Edit: Title of post should be KIND, not king, lol.

My best friend got blackout drunk at a work party and told his coworker that he wanted to hook up with her and when she rejected him he called her a bitch lol. He’s so fucked and when he gets fired it will probably follow him in the industry he’s in. He blew up his life right now because he had one too many one night. Makes me so grateful I don’t drink anymore cause I’ve almost lost my job several times due to crazy antics at work parties. One time 5 security guards had to hold me down cause I got crazy and I still didn’t get fired. Never did anything to a coworker though so I was good. This morning I had a craving but pushed through it and said fuck alcohol and I’m so glad I didn’t cause I had the best day with my wife and dog sober. So glad I quit drinking.

Did a quick taper from 18 beers a day. I feel like death and still can’t eat but I’m gonna try to at least ride the bike at the gym to get some sweat out.

I’m posting this to hold myself accountable and learn a thing or two from this sub. Thanks y’all.

Brief back story... Drinking since 14 now nearly 43. Gradually crept up from weekends/nights out to daily bottles of wine and then the last three years where i drank roughly 3 bottles of wine or 6 cans of 8% cider a day (about 25 uk units daily).

Been literally feeling like death for 6 months so bit the bullet in Feb and went to my local drug and alcohol support centre. Been attending pre detox meetings and workshops every week and finally l started my community detox on 11th May. Went everyday 9-3pm then came home in evening. Cold turkey and they started me on 100mg chlordiazepoxide and weaned me off over 8 days. Took final 5mg tonight.

Hardly suffered any with withdraw symptoms except a couple of sweaty nights but my sleep has been excellent. Also had Thiamine injections for 5 days and and am now taking 300mg by tablet daily plus Acamprosate for roughly a year. I also take multivitamins and have started natural mushroom gummies.

Service also offers weekly ear acupuncture which is apparently good for addiction and there are loads of. Recovery support groups both in person and online

This is an appreciation post for the NHS as I didn't pay a penny but also a reminder to get medical detox if you need it. The difference it's made has been huge, I tried and failed to taper so many times but just couldn't do it.

Just got to stick with it now!! But 8 days in and feeling a lot better already.

I’m 391 days sober. I have a very overactive mind that I just cannot shut off. I analyze and spiral and try to figure everything out as if I’m doing a damn psych research paper.

I’m really passionate about and obsessed with addiction, recovery, the spiritual malady, the family disease aspect, the neuroscience, how emotional and childhood trauma relates to addiction and recovery, the physical healing of the brain and PAWS, etc. I’m also obsessed with doing AA perfectly which results in a lot of pressure, expectations of relief and resistance when I don’t get the relief. (Resistance of thoughts)

part of me feels grateful to have the intellect and passion that I hope translates to a career someday, but I’m just so tired of fucking thinking. I go through periods of happy, joyous and free, then get stuck in ego and obsessive thinking for weeks at a time. It quickly turns into depression and anxiety and I become so emotionally and physically exhausted. I just want to feel better and feel like I should be over this “pendulum” swing by now.

My sponsor always tells me it’s normal to go through these swings but I don’t feel like anyone else talks about it or relates? I feel like a burden sometimes to my sponsor and other AA’s but I think that’s just my ego trying to isolate - but part of it is because most of my friends in AA don’t seem to relate to this level of thinking. Most of their stuff seems to come from outside circumstances - jobs, family, relationships. But nothing is wrong in my life and I’m much more able to accept real world issues over the war of my mind. I’m starting to feel isolated again. I think it may be my ego and disease telling me these things aren’t working. I have the awareness that these are my thoughts and feelings happening and that they aren’t real.

sometimes I think I trust my thoughts more than God. Im constantly surrendering and praying but the grip of my mind comes back right away.

I’m also aware that this is the first time in my life I’m having to deal with my thoughts and emotions raw without the help of a substance to escape - and it takes time. But that logic isn’t seeming to bring me much peace.

I feel I might be starting to grow out of my home group. At first I found everything I needed and was seeking in AA to much relief, but I am starting to think there are other things “wrong” with me or that I need more/a different perspective. I’m 32 and most of my home group is older people in their 50s. I really relate to them. Or at least did. I’ve been told many times even by old timers that I have an old soul and wisdom beyond my years so maybe that’s why I clicked. But I’m starting to feel I may need some connection with folks in their mid-20s to mid-30s. I’m unmarried without kids so my life is very different from these people.

I also have a hard time thinking for myself and just do whatever everyone tells me and their advice can tend to be a bit dogmatic and not related to the book. And I get a lot of mixed opinions and advice from different people in my group and it confuses me. I’m learning to be my own person and make my own decisions but it’s hard when I’ve been codependent my whole life. I was a functioning alcoholic who did not run though anyone’s life or caused major harm. I hav plenty to me accountable for and did step 4 and 9 no problem, but my biggest issue is the way I treat myself and that’s not touched on much here. I feel burdened and pressured when this program is meant to bring peace, not punishment. I know it’s of my own doing because I truly owe my life to AA and it’s done wonders for me. I just get in these damn ruts and I’m wanting someone to tell me it’ll go away overtime. Or at least not affect me how it is now.

I’m a spiritual seeker and always have been. Long before AA. Which is why I was immediately relieved and excited when I discovered that this is a spiritual program. I had a lot of self awareness as well before I came in. Sometimes I compare myself to other alcoholics and their journies and I know I can’t do that because I didn’t experience everything they did or cause the harm they caused.

I also have a 134 IQ (not saying this to brag but to bring perspective). I’ve heard the smarter a person is, the harder it is to surrender the mind and it can be harder to recover because of it. My sponsor always tells me “congratulations, you’re smart. It doesn’t matter” and I actually appreciate that because I’d trade any type of intelligence for ignorance and bliss any day. Sometimes I just want to pray that God make me dumb if it means I don’t have to deal with my own mind. 🤣

Im really just hoping there is at least one person out there who can relate to this and reassure me that it does get better over time. I’m doing all the work and everything I can do. I just have to let it ride out go and get through the uncomfortability of early sobriety.

it’s gotten worse over time. i hate the quotes that click for others that don’t work for me. “you’ve got this” is the worst one personally. i’m not afraid of death and i don’t feel shame, even after countless “rock bottoms”. alcohol was and is my only friend. but i want to quit because i’m always so tired and it’s a waste of time and money. i’m sick of always losing against it. i’m sick of feeling gross in the morning. i’ve listened to the podcasts, even suggested some to others. i’ve gotten the warnings, read all the literature, tried to appeal to myself emotionally, logically, financially.

please, does any one who “nothing has worked” have a thing that distracted them enough? or an unorthodox way? i feel so utterly alone. it’s why i picked up the bottle in the first place

Hello! I’m an addict and use alcohol and other substances to manage my undiagnosed ADHD and mental health issues. I want to get properly diagnosed, but I’m afraid of requesting that through my new primary care physician because I’m terrified of the “seeking meds” stereotype. I’m not seeking medication for my issues, but I do need accommodations for them through my school for certain reasons.

I just want my issues to be believed and taken seriously, and im afraid that being an addict who is using regularly currently (less than before though!!❤️) will get in the way of that with healthcare professionals. Does anyone have any experience with this particular difficulty or advice to offer?