M22 still living with parents and don't need to pay for anything. Yes, I know I'm privileged. Recently i got a job as a server (Alcohol free establishment thankfully) and i make cash tips. I can ALWAYS afford beer now. The times I've stopped drinking was because I was broke. Now i get beer after every shift. I need to seriously think about ways to stop but I don't know any. Please tell me
I think the definition of evil is doing something bad, knowing it's bad, and still enjoying it. That's definitely me. I have been talking to other women behind my girlfriend's back. I disappear for hours so that she gets worried and spam texts me.
I borrow money when i truly just don't need to. Borrowed a hundred bucks from my friend talkin bout I needed it for bills. Just put it in my savings account. I do it all the time with so many people. I got a job, don't spend much money, still do it.
I mean i could go on and on. I do a lot of bad things. And it's conflicting because I actually do sometimes feel guilty but doing the bad things feels SO good. I'm diagnosed with BPD but I think I show more signs on NPD. Not just cuz I do bad things I'm not saying that's what NPD is. More that i want people's attention and never think I'm wrong and I'm entitled to everyone's attention and i always want more of it. It's never enough.
I don't know i think now I'm just rambling. I just wish I was normal and felt bad TRULY for shit and just lived a good hinest life instead of being a back stabbing two faced bastard who always wants the affection of others.
I just want to get as least of a hangover as possible. It's been gnawing at me. I want to... want to stop. But in reality I don't want to stop yet. Yes I know this is bad. Just please tell me how I can survive tomorrows hangover without drinking again. I'm trying to kind of drink kess because i have a job okay? Just please help me out cuz I'm gonna drink no matter what :(
Just started a new job. ABSOLUTELY LOVED my first day. I know I need to quit drinking if I'm gonna keep the job. I'm a waiter at a busy restaurant. It's going to be Fish Fry Friday tomorrow and I NEED to stay rejuvenated for that. I don't want to stop drinking. But I need to. I want to but I don't want to. It sucks. It's like two emotions in opposite ends tearing at me. I don't know how to live a sober life.
Hamm's is like Budweiser and Coors Light had a baby. Sip tastes like bud heavy and finish tastes and is as smooth as Coors
I did laundry, cleaned, and other chores. Then went with my girlfriend around town and went to thrift stores, ate at good places, went for a walk, and did more. It was SUCH a good day. But right now I'm STILL fighting the urge to drink and it's so annoying that I can have such an amazing day, but when I'm all alone the urge gnaws at me.
My body knows I need to stop. I used to have Panic disorder but have pretty much almost overcame it. Kind of a miracle when you think about it. However, I get VERY panicky during hangovers.
For kind of good reason too. I get sparatic heart palpations when hungover. My skin feels fucking weird. I don't know how to describe it but I think the closest I can would be over stimulation? One day it felt like my whole body fired off at once and I couldn't feel anything but could feel everything. It was terrible!
All this to say I think my mind does it to myself. It knows what freaks me tf out and it makes sure to fuck with me. It's telling me "Hey! Stop drinking or every hangover you have will put you closer to psychosis!" and so that's where I'm at. I'm not quitting for my family, my life, etc. I'm quitting just because I'm so scared right now for no reason other than the chemicals in my brain are depleted. I just want to relax. Truly relax.
I mean being from Milwaukee tells the tale. New Glarus is amazing but it's only in Wisconsin. Hamm's on the other hand is TRYING to expand. And it's actually been succeeding! If you're in a state that has it then definitely get it! It's as cheap as Miller High Life but waaay better in my opinion.
I hate how I constantly feel terrible when I don't have validation from others, but then when I'm in a relationship or something I'm more avoidant attachment than my normal anxious style. I mean yeah they bith aren't good but like it sucks to switch back and forth even more.
I've (M21) been trying to incorporate this quote into my life but it's hard. I try to do new things. I try to be okay with the routine i have. However, there's still no goal no purpose. Nothing im GREAT at.
I feel like Dexter just without the killer tendencies. Like i can fake social interactions, act extroverted, etc. but at the end of the day i go back to laying in bed not happy.
I haven't made a new friend in years. I've tried to get out there, but kinda failed. To most people I wouldn't LOOK like someone who's that unhappy. I actually do oretty well in social settings, I'm decent at my job, I got a girlfriend who DOES make me happy and whom I love. It's just the whole "What am I striving towards?" thing.
Idk it just sucks that I've been trying to wrap my head around this, I'm technically doing the right stuff, and I still feel stuck.
The last two times I've (M21) been with a girl I went to their place driving 2+ hours (I live in the middle of nowhere), we had a great time, great conversation AT THE BEGINNING, and everything seems to be going good.
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But eventually through time they get less interested in conversation. Usually after sex. I mean both said it was the best they had, and I genuinely did not think they were lieing. For reasons of course that I don't want to go to in depth with lol. But like waking up the next morning they don't really seem as interested.
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It feels like a date because I'm very forward I make moves while making sure the girl is comfortable. I always ask permission before doing things, but like by the end of it it's like we were just friends who had sex. Like I can feel the attraction has vanished on their side and they don't even really want to talk to me.
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I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Sure I may yap but I CONSTANTLY ask them questions. And I definitely talk about their interests more than mine. I basically never talk about myself cause they never even ask me any questions. And I'm not trying to ask questions just to ask them. I remember because I'm genuinely interested in them.
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I got her a light blue rose (her favorite color) always opened the car door for her, took her on a very nice date to a botanical garden. Was a man and made moves on her. Even though it may not sound like it through text I have a lot of confidence. I talk very highly of myself. Not in an arrogant way but like I really do know who I am and what I want.
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So I don't think I was too pushy, too self centered, or even gave off friend vibes instead of relationship vibes. Like it's driving me CRAZY I don't fucking understand. Why do these girls keep blocking me IMMEDIATELY after I leave. It was AMAZING at the beginning and then they just get less and less interested.
Do any of you guys live in your vehicle and go from city to city using DoorDash as your means to pay for it? Or know of anybody who has done it? I've been thinking about this for a bit now and I'm really considering it
Didn't know where else to post this but I've been thinking a lot about how I used to look and I feel so depressed
All pics I was 5'7. First two pics were from 2021 at 145 lbs. Third pic is in the end of 2023 at 170lbs. And last pic was taken today at 215lbs.
In two and a half years I gained 45lbs. 25lbs of those since September 2025. That's what have me such deep stretch marks. My goal is to get back to 170. Maybe 165. That's where I felt and looked the best I think.
I'm tired of looking like this. I feel so depressed anytime I look at myself. I used to be well known in my town for running, and now I can't even run for more than 10 minutes. I WILL get back to where I used to be. I HAVE to.
Both hangover experiences and also what your life was like when siraling down into alcoholism. All the negatives of alcohol. Especially hangxiety which was my main symptom.
I'm experiencing such bad cravings right now. And I can tell if I do relapse I'd binge hard. I just need some support and reminders please. Thank you.
At the eye doctor RN cause I broke my glasses. I feel bad for the lady who is fixing my glasses cause I tried to glue them back to together instead of coming right away to get the screw replaced (yes quite dumb)
She said she had no problem scraping out the gunk and that it's her job but she's been at it 20 minutes already (currently still here)
So a lesson I have learned in just fuckin come right away to the eye doctor to get em fixed. Don't try to Jerry rig a fix. Cause it's a lot harder to do it aftery dumb glue job that didn't even work
Do you guys have experience with alcoholism? Previous or current? I think it's finally time I get treatment but I would love to hear what worked for y'all
In highschool when I was surrounded by friends and hung out with people everyday I constantly made jokes and had people laughing.
Now that I've been more isolated I get in my head and don't even know what to joke about with the people I meet. I've been TRYING to put myself out there more recently but it's hard when I'm being so logical and not joking much.
The jokes I have been trying to do just don't land right. I don't think my delivery is too bad but they just aren't funny 😭
So basically it's a loop. I make more frequent and better jokes when I'm more social but to actually meet people and have them stick around I need to have good humor.
What should I do?
I'm very much always in my head and thinking. I am a 21 year old man who is diagnosed with BPD and I think I finally want to try some medication. But I'm afraid on how it'll affect my mind you know? I also have panic disorder and while I almost never get panic attacks anymore I'm just pretty nervous about taking mind altering substances. I've taken fluoxetine before and my inner dialogue was slower and it was just harder to think.
The main question: Are there any medications you've tried that were more light and not as noticeable while you had your inner dialogue?
Please for the love of God I just need a squad to play with you don't even have to be good lmao
I keep on getting absolutely SKULL FUCKED by the most horrendous sweaty no life people this world has ever seen. And what do my teammates do?? NOTHING FUCKING NOTHING. I never get people with mics. I never get a support player who actually revs. I only get assault players who think it's COD and go running into the open 😭
Please DM if you are looking to squad up. I'm not the best player of course but I'm alright I'd like to think lol. I normally play support but can play any class the squad needs at the time. Engineer is normally my other favorite. I play Xcocks but if anyone plays on Gaystation or BBC that doesn't matter to me it's just nice to have an Xbox party