r/INTP

Feeling stuck + lots of family expectations are on me so I thought I’d ask on here cuz I honestly don’t have a clue

I'm using this place and maybe the INFP place because they're the most useful. Anyway, see, I still can't type myself. Several people suspect high Ti dominance, and while I agree with them, there are still some things that suggest strong Fi when I look back on my earlier years. However, even with those things that suggest high Fi, there are things to contradict it! I cannot stand contradictions, so this has become more of a puzzle game then a self-discovery journey.

Allow me to lay it out: Firstly, when very young, I greatly prided myself on being logical, unemotional, unbiased, restrained, and sensible. Impulsive, emotionally expressive, and people who were open and firm about their desires repelled me. Yet at the same time, I judged those who disregarded the 'human element' and felt turned off by things that seemed apathetic or emotionally distant. My upbringing focused strongly on morals, so I felt like I had the high ground over many people. I was also quite sensitive and took criticism hard, though whenever I felt anything strongly, my first instinct was to suppress it or think myself out of it ('I have no reason to feel this way, therefore, I won't/shouldn't/don't'). I've never coped well with emotions- others' and especially my own.

Secondly, I prided myself on being 'real'- though, it wasn't me being myself, it was just me not doing what everyone else did, not trying to fit in. I found societal norms ridiculous and felt irrationally superior for not conforming to them. Yet at the same time, I felt like I had no identity or sense of self and sought those things in external sources.

Thirdly, when it came to forming values, I would observe the external consequences of certain actions and judge them as 'good' or 'bad' based on the harm they caused (in the long-term, mainly to other people).

Because of certain circumstances, this caused me to have a set of people-based 'values'; be kind/empathetic because being mean hurts others and damages relationships (and it hurt me a lot), be honest because lying creates unnecessary inaccuracies, have integrity because people seem to appreciate it. I always had to rationally verify them using a set of criteria (typically measuring harm and impact) before deciding they were worth sticking to. And once I concluded that they were worth sticking to, I'd feel super guilty about crossing them. Though, even when I felt bad for crossing them, I would wonder if it was objectively harmful or not to have crossed them in the first place.

I think the main theme was me trying to think my way through everything in order to verify or disprove something. I just couldn't rest unless there was an internal consistency in everything that caught my interest. This is why I suspect high Ti dominance. However, the sensitivity, the taking things personally, the desire to avoid doing to others what I didn't like done to me (though, I could never figure out how I wanted to be treated, and even now, I only have a vague idea), it reminds me of Fi.

One thing I will say to counter the Fi argument, however, is their firm stance in their beliefs. I never had anything like that, really. Never knew who I was, what I wanted, what I believed. So in that case, Fi may be ruled out. However, there is a very slight chance that if I used high Fi, my upbringing stifled it, and instead the other functions took over. This I doubt, though, because the presence of Ti has always been clear in many ways.

Anyway, that's everything. Like I said, this is more of a puzzle for me at this point because there's just something so satisfying about surfacing every question and exploring every angle and watching everything click together over time. If you made it this far, thank you for reading! Let me know your thoughts.

I want to know what yall think.

Context: Work setting. I’m (F)ENTJ, and the assistant of an (M)INTP a Doctor. We work very smoothly together, too well. My cryptonite is my *fawning response*. His seems to be not being able to give me clarity verbally(?). Please help both your INTP peer and your ENTJ bestie in high distress. I can’t tell what up or down anymore.
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There’s this slow-burn, weirdly charged dynamic for OVER A YEAR between us. At first I thought it was just my imagination. I also seem to be subject to ‘If you don’t verbally confess, I’m going to think that’s just your personality or I’m over thinking it’. I’m not trying to pursue anything because not only do we work together, but he’s not aligned with my faith/values and I don’t want workplace drama. This is non-negotiable.

At first he used to stare, A LOT. Over time he became more nervous/controlled around me, but yet ‘knows me’. Repeated tiny moments exist: accidental hand/finger touches, him standing close, me leaning in, me accidentally crashing into him, him hovering near my work area, small vulnerable moves from his end, but yet we haven’t gotten to conversation level(Except for short random small debates - I tend to win lol). We’ve had the most intense eye contact moments, following by blushing so hard we both avoid eye contact now, but we still drift towards each other physically. At work outings, he just ‘happens’ to end up right next to me, or sit next to me. However, anything he does, can be ‘deniable’. I feel like I’m in a situation where I’m in that toy you put on your finger with someone else, where the more you try to pull away, the tighter, closer, and more painful it gets.

I know I’m attracted to him, and my body language has probably given him those signs, even though I don’t want to open that door. I freeze when he gets close because I don’t want to reject him harshly, but I also don’t want to feed the situation.

What’s the cleanest way to shut down the ambiguity without embarrassing him or making work weird?

Now for the plot twist: I overheard he might have a fiancé, which would be wild and extremely disrespectful. But, key word is “might”. I don’t actually know anything about this man’s background - which makes it even more terrifying and confusing.

I’m begging for solutions. Because I was told to not flick his finger when he grazes mine, as it can cause him to like it instead? I’ve tried to ignore him before, and he got very moody and started to act weird. So I’m a bit afraid of the repercussions if I outright just tell him: “Hey, I want to keep it professional” . I asked the ripped maintenance man some questions one time, and then afterwards the INTP Dr. shows signs of jealousy? He made sure afterwards to thoroughly explain a work related concept to me even though he hardly ever speaks to me.

Should I just do nothing and wait?
Please halp me…

So i the Concept of "Hell" as a controlling system that some put up to manipulate others, to behave how they like.

And reddit is the perfect place because it's anonymous and everyone has a take. In order to strengthen my views, I need to duke it out with other people. Either I feel more confident that I was originally right, or it turns out i am wrong on at least one aspect, and I can update my world view. Its a win win.

I will still try to defend an idea if someone blows a chunk in it, like a little boat that i am riding to shore. I will still try to win that argument with the original premise unless its obvious that its just wrong, and then I will easily admit i was wrong. But its better if the battle is murky and I can quietly update my view with a new little trinket.

My friends and family do not love to argue. They do not see building a useless kingdom of knowledge as important, and they often cannot separate belief and identity.

For me, I will happily shed layers of identity if it means I am getting closer to a correct and comprehensive world view.

I believe there are two distinct types of people, those who verbalise their thoughts (External) and those who internalised them (Internal).

I have friends, family and work colleagues that will immediately verbalise a thought and apologise after, if what they have said is either irrelevant or offensive. I on the other hand go through an internal review process of my thoughts and qualify whether verbalising them would be both relevant and inoffensive, sometimes several times before verbalising it.

Because of this internal review process, it may seem that I have no opinion or knowledge of the subject matter when in actual fact, more often than not, the review process takes so long that either I have convinced myself that the comment is not worthy or the conversation has moved on.

Although not causing offence and ensuring all verbal communication is valid could be seen as a positive trait, I do feel this holds me back and has hindered me both personally and professionally.

All of this constant reviewing and overthinking is hard work mentally and can sometimes even take place hours or even days before a conversation has taken place in anticipation of the outcome.

So, are you an internal or external thinker and what are the pros and cons in your experience?

I have heard it said that any MBTI can be any enegram and I believe it to be true. I have two sides of me that seem to always be at odds with one another. I have learned to accept it and live with it as my strength rather than my weakness.

I was looking through reddit and these r/s with random letters keep showing up like this one. What does it mean, it doesn't say anything about it in the descriptions. I believe its that thing with the 4 colors and it's like a buzzfeed quiz, but what do the diffrent letters mean?

I could give you example but I'm afraid I'm going to confuse you. The thing I'm thinking right now is something I wouldn't share here. To give you example, let's say a car consuming a lot of gas. Okay? They would never say something like oh Make tire thinner Long story shorts they wouldn't do(think technical way to improve something) instead probably they will say go work, or the be political question and secretize the person responsible for the high gas price, in first the reason they have to worry about gas. Anyway, I hope you get what I'm trying to say

I’m not saying this is bad, or that all XXFJs do this. I’m just wondering if this is a real cognitive difference

Fe heavy people tend to look for social or responsibility based explanations?

I recently saw a post asking why an INTP would choose to become a parent. Most of the comments were from people who weren’t interested in having children, and I completely understand that perspective.

I never had the natural “urge” to become a parent. If I’d been born a decade later (I’m an older millennial), when being child-free felt more like an acceptable choice, I may have chosen that path myself. But I did have children. I waited until my mid-thirties, and I’m glad I did. Life is long should have many chapters. Those chapters don’t have to include children, but they should involve growth and new experiences.

Parenthood has taught me more about myself than I expected. It has helped me better understand who I am and has given me perspectives on some of my most complicated relationships, especially with my own mother, but also with friends and coworkers. It didn’t change me as an INTP, but it deepened my understanding of both myself and other people.

Lastly, just my opinion: I think INTPs make great parents. We tend not to hover, encourage curiosity and exploration, have very few preconceived expectations, and value open, honest communication.

Our kids may not always be super polished or put together, but they know they can be themselves. I’d rather nurture their individuality than dull their enthusiasm. I’ve always told my kids, “I don’t care what you do in life, as long as it’s respectful, kind, and legal.”

XO,
Me.

PS I’m not suggesting anyone should have children but I’m asking for those who are able to consider it, but only if you feel you could help out our world by bringing up a human who isn’t a POS.

Edit…Little dyslexia I my INPT v. INTP. I’M NOT PERFECT.

It might be due to my fixed 1 in 641 tritype, makes me more pedantic and idealistic about my beliefs. I can be more tactful and gentle than Fe users. In other times I can be very pedantic and detached from other people emotional comfort. Sometimes I question if my Ti is actually Ni. Or if I have high Fe

THE TEXT BELOW DOESN'T HAVE ANYTHING IMPORTANT

Honestly I don't despise it as much as some of you guys do.

For me personally it feels like taking too much of an effort to actually explain what I've been thinking about and I'm a bit scared that details on my daily life will come of as weird (Maybe it's hard for me because I'm looking for actual conversation topics instead of commenting on the weather?).

But as I'm getting better at it with experience (trial and error) it sometimes feels fun? Like a minigame I guess.

Maybe people mean the "American" small talk where a complete stranger starts a conversation for no reason and then you never meet again? (I've always thought it's a myth but if it's true it does sound terrible)

Sorry for bad grammar I've been on my phone during English classes.

I hope it's not screaming on the top of my lungs until my hair glows and becomes spikier.

I think the title is pretty self-explanatory.

I'm currently facing this year's finals and I need to ace them in order to get into med school this year. I'm talking maths, chemistry, physics, biology, etc.

My biggest issue is procrastination. My finals are in 2 weeks and I'm struggling to focus on them effectively. My thoughts keep drifting to other things like music, cooking, drawing, or just day dreaming, and I keep planning ahead, as in planning the next 15 years of my life like they're bound to happen.

I'm overanalyzing all these things instead of actually focusing on the moment.

As an INTP-T, I know this is the analysis paralysis phenomenon, but I don't know how to manage it.

So, as INTP's yourselves, how do you deal with this issue and how do you prevent further procrastination?

I would really appreciate tips or shared experiences or just ways to stay properly focused.

I just need these two weeks of productive effort, so if you could just help me out, it'd be great.

Oh, and thanks for reading all this :>

Some days I'll look around at othe people and I feel like I lack a distinctable identity. I dont wear the same close all the time. My identity doesnt feel themed like all the other people i see dressed around me when I go out. I don't lack friends nor do I not know how to socialize but its like I dont fit inside a box with a label. Do anybody else relate to this feeling? And if you did, how did you form a identity for yourself? Especially for intps. All I can think of is Fi demon at full effect.

Hi, I’m an INTP 5w4 459

Frick my life
Frick my talent
Frick my brain
Frick my pain
Frick my accolades
Frick my so called intelligence

FML.

same as the title

I know the answer is yes, because any MBTI types can be religious! But I've noticed Ti doms/aux types tend to lean towards not being religious/spiritual and I'm wondering if any of you INTPs out there are or what your guys experiences are with that.

Edit: why downvote me? I'm only curious ;(

Not saying you will always pick the same choice no matter what but you how you actually come to your decision might be a good way to determine it.

For example I feel like most INTPs would pull the lever because Ti (5 is greater than 1) and Fe (how will the community recover from the loss of 5 people vs 1). And pulling the lever doesn't really redefine who I am as long as you had a good reason (Fi demon).

However when Fi is involved, that skews the probability towards not pulling it as the choice is no longer obvious. If you do pull it you become a murderer in your eyes and that realisation is more disturbing to an Fi user who might struggle with their new identity. Even if they're a Te user, the weaker Fi might still eat at them in the back of their mind and thus still create friction.

For me it's a no brainer and I was always baffled by some people would say they would not pull the lever to save more lives.

Edit: To keep it simple and avoid confusion, assume you have time think it over, you don't actually know who you are saving, why they are tied to the track or any other external information. You simply have to choose between 1 or 5 lives by pulling the lever or not.