u/Weirdeye999

I noticed strange pattern. When I find the person with whom I can talk about everything non stop and it would be the most interesting conversation, I then get tired and don’t want to see them for a long time, by that I mean no contact, even in social media. And if we plan to meet again I need to prepare myself emotionally if it makes sense.

So umm, I had kinda negative almost romantic experience with an ENFJ guy (I’m INTP fem) from my uni class. He took interest in me, I let him get a little closer to me but we weren’t dating. Our conversations were happening in messengers, never tried to approach me in rl except the first 2-3 times, he was always with his friends. He was also dedicated to his job which took his time even on Sundays, but I wasn’t demanding to spend time with in rl except the days when we had our classes. I noticed that our everyday conversation seem like fake intimacy, like the ones that usually romantic partners have like “did you today?”. There were other aspects that bothered me and then I tried to discuss it, first in a joking manner, but my jokes got him nervous a little, so then I tried to be straight-forward. We had a looong conversation. I honestly was baffled by how he always appeared like a strong leader but came out that he was kind of a whiner. Maybe it’s cause he has a lot of friends and doesn’t go deep in relationships with them, cause for me it seemed like he maintained kind of shallow relationships. Like he cherish those people but cares more about fun and light part and not the serious and deep part.

So it is clearly a no-no for me but because he was the first guy I let to get closer to me and I actually liked him at first and still like his certain traits, I still can’t stop thinking about what might’ve been done, and maybe I should have approached it in a different way?

Sorry, the post is kinda messy and I made a mistake in question..

This situation is already in the past, but I’m still curious about what would have been appropriate to do. Of course, there wasn’t enough communication, but sometimes a problem runs so deep that it simply isn’t appropriate to bring it up when you’re just starting to build contact.

A guy from my group (ENFJ) took an interest in me, and we gradually started talking. We could chat for quite a long time and on a daily basis, but I wouldn’t call those conversations deep, more like fake intimacy. On the contrary, whenever I tried to deepen our talks, some kind of barrier appeared. It might have seemed to me that things were moving slowly. One could assume that he’s the type whose communication starts in a friendly form and then turns romantic, but the thing is, he admitted after our first substantial chat that he didn’t want to lose me in a romantic way, so he literally stated this as a fact.

He’s a workaholic; outside of classes, he works, even on Sundays. So of course I wasn’t expecting any dates in rl. But the problem was that even when we met at university, he preferred to stay with his friends, sometimes greeting me only if the opportunity arose. He only really communicated with me in messages. At some point, this started to bother me, and in a joking manner I tried to hint in a way “it would be nice if you told me this story in person when we meet,” after which he got nervous. A serious conversation followed, at the end of which I concluded that I didn’t want to continue. I forgot to mention that he also worked at the same workplace with those friends.

Besides his passivity, I was also very puzzled by his interaction with a female friend of his, to whom he’s closest in their friend group. In general, he has many friends, including female friends. But with her, he interacts differently. First, she clung to him like a leech, they are always together. Second, they often have these “games” and physical interactions—like walking arm-in-arm, trying to tickle each other, and other things they don’t do with other people in their company. For a long time, I actually thought they were dating, and not just me. But I wasn’t going to bring up the jealousy issue, since I didn’t even know how to approach it from any angle cause I wasn’t even his girlfriend.

I am the person who thinks that boundaries are important at any stage of your relationship, especially how they interact with opposite gender. He already showed lack of boundaries when I noticed that he practically friends with everyone which isn’t good cause it lessens the quality of one on one relationship.

So I wonder if I missed something, though I still think that our final conversation unleashed the crucial thing about him that I couldn’t accept. But still. It’s the first time when I let someone to make a step toward me, and even if it’s negative experience I still want to learn from it the most. I also can’t stop thinking that it would be a good idea to just wait and watch a little, cause basically we weren’t even dating yet, so I wouldn’t loose anything. But I decided to be straight-forward and practical about it which maybe was too much, idk ?

the question above

Sometimes you wake up and you can’t find the purpose of anything. Very irritated. Don’t want to do anything. You wake up the other day and it’s normal again, poof

You can also change Edward’s type and imagine how it would be. You can write a fanfic, I don’t mind

the question above