r/INTPrelationshipLab

I'd kiss myself, hug myself, get married to myself, have sex with myself and live happily ever after.

I’d like some outside opinions because I’ve realized that something about my relationship makes me uncomfortable, but I’m not sure whether my feelings are reasonable.

My boyfriend is an INTP, and he has a personality that’s very centered around ragebaiting, teasing, and provoking people for fun. He does this with a lot of people, both guys and girls, so I know that this behavior doesn’t necessarily mean he’s interested in someone.

The situation I’m talking about happens in a friend group/server where several people regularly play together. This girl is part of that friend group, and they’re usually interacting as a group rather than just the two of them. I want to make that clear because I’m not talking about him specifically seeking her out or spending all his time alone with her.

What makes this difficult for me is that when he has this kind of dynamic with guys, it genuinely doesn’t bother me. I can see it as just his personality and the way he jokes with his friends. But when it’s with other girls, I find it much harder emotionally.

In our relationship, I had associated part of that dynamic with our particular bond. The fact that he teases me, provokes me, tries to get a reaction out of me, etc. made me feel like this was a particular way he interacted with me because we were close.

But when I see him interacting with this girl within the group, I notice that he can have a very similar dynamic with her: teasing her, provoking her, getting a reaction out of her, playfully “bullying” each other, continuing to tease her when she gets annoyed, etc.

Rationally, I understand that this doesn’t necessarily mean anything. She’s part of his friend group, there are several people on the server, and he’s an INTP who naturally seems to interact with people through teasing, irony and provoking reactions. I also don’t think he’s necessarily doing anything intentionally inappropriate.

But emotionally, I still struggle with it.

I’ve actually tried to talk to him about this because I don’t want to keep it to myself or become resentful. However, he didn’t take the conversation very well and seemed to perceive what I was saying as reproaches or criticism of his behavior, when what I was trying to explain was more about how the dynamic makes me feel.

I also don’t want to be possessive or tell him that he can’t have female friends or that he has to interact with them differently. That’s not what I want.

I think what bothers me most is that I thought certain aspects of our dynamic were meaningful because they were specific to our relationship, and now I’m realizing that he can naturally create a very similar dynamic with other people.

So I’m wondering: do you think this is simply something I should accept as part of his personality, or is it reasonable to feel uncomfortable when some of his interactions with girls in his friend group resemble the way he interacts with me?

Again, I’m not trying to figure out whether he’s cheating or whether there’s something going on with this particular girl. I’m more trying to understand how to deal with my own feelings about it without becoming controlling or making him feel like I’m constantly criticizing him.

This situation is already in the past, but I’m still curious about what would have been appropriate to do. Of course, there wasn’t enough communication, but sometimes a problem runs so deep that it simply isn’t appropriate to bring it up when you’re just starting to build contact.

A guy from my group (ENFJ) took an interest in me, and we gradually started talking. We could chat for quite a long time and on a daily basis, but I wouldn’t call those conversations deep, more like fake intimacy. On the contrary, whenever I tried to deepen our talks, some kind of barrier appeared. It might have seemed to me that things were moving slowly. One could assume that he’s the type whose communication starts in a friendly form and then turns romantic, but the thing is, he admitted after our first substantial chat that he didn’t want to lose me in a romantic way, so he literally stated this as a fact.

He’s a workaholic; outside of classes, he works, even on Sundays. So of course I wasn’t expecting any dates in rl. But the problem was that even when we met at university, he preferred to stay with his friends, sometimes greeting me only if the opportunity arose. He only really communicated with me in messages. At some point, this started to bother me, and in a joking manner I tried to hint in a way “it would be nice if you told me this story in person when we meet,” after which he got nervous. A serious conversation followed, at the end of which I concluded that I didn’t want to continue. I forgot to mention that he also worked at the same workplace with those friends.

Besides his passivity, I was also very puzzled by his interaction with a female friend of his, to whom he’s closest in their friend group. In general, he has many friends, including female friends. But with her, he interacts differently. First, she clung to him like a leech, they are always together. Second, they often have these “games” and physical interactions—like walking arm-in-arm, trying to tickle each other, and other things they don’t do with other people in their company. For a long time, I actually thought they were dating, and not just me. But I wasn’t going to bring up the jealousy issue, since I didn’t even know how to approach it from any angle cause I wasn’t even his girlfriend.

I am the person who thinks that boundaries are important at any stage of your relationship, especially how they interact with opposite gender. He already showed lack of boundaries when I noticed that he practically friends with everyone which isn’t good cause it lessens the quality of one on one relationship.

So I wonder if I missed something, though I still think that our final conversation unleashed the crucial thing about him that I couldn’t accept. But still. It’s the first time when I let someone to make a step toward me, and even if it’s negative experience I still want to learn from it the most. I also can’t stop thinking that it would be a good idea to just wait and watch a little, cause basically we weren’t even dating yet, so I wouldn’t loose anything. But I decided to be straight-forward and practical about it which maybe was too much, idk ?

I’m super conflicted. This guy just gives me the butterflies at 29 years old. I don’t want to make a move and make things awkward if he doesn’t like me in return. I don’t want him to feel uncomfortable in his own home. We live in the same building. I show interest in him but I don’t want to come off overbearing. He’s super smart, when he’s nervous it’s so cute 🥰 Are there any ways I can test if he likes me? Or what are the signs? Is shooting my shot my only option? I don’t want to make a fool of myself and I don’t want to make him uncomfortable.

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INTP 18F here, if that even matters for this curiosity lol. I have basically zero experience with relationships and honestly have no idea what I’m doing when it comes to this stuff. I don’t really feel like asking people I know about it, so Reddit feels like a safe place to ask 😭

I’ve talked to one ENFJ online before, but just as friends , and to be VERY clear, I didn’t have a crush on him or anything lol. I just noticed that we got along pretty naturally and he seemed to understand the way I think, which made me curious about whether ENFJ might be a type I naturally click with.

I’m also kind of weird. I have a ridiculously active imagination and I roleplay a lot on random apps, so sometimes I wonder if an ENFJ and an INTP like me would actually be compatible or if I’m just overanalyzing one friendship and building an entire theory around it 💀

I know I’m technically 18 now, but I genuinely have zero idea how relationships even work and still feel like a confused kid half the time.

So ENFJs, what do you actually think about INTPs? What qualities do you appreciate in them, and what parts of the INTP–ENFJ dynamic can be difficult?

And be honest: am I being a little delulu for thinking an ENFJ could potentially be my type based mostly on one good friendship, or is there actually something to the compatibility people talk about?

I’m genuinely asking out of curiosity, not trying to find someone here 😭

Hey all. This isn’t my first time posting here, I posted a few months ago asking about the same coworker:

https://www.reddit.com/r/INTPrelationshipLab/s/hXTGquaWAT

He is 31M INTP and I am 22F INFJ.

Since my last post, we’ve gotten much more comfortable with each other and banter constantly. We text a little both during and outside work, usually accusing each other of being lazy, dumb, having no life, etc. We remember oddly specific things the other person has said and constantly make callbacks to old jokes.

We also notice each other’s absence. Sometimes one of us will ask where the other is when we haven’t seen each other, only to immediately disguise the tiny bit of affection with an insult.

Despite that, we actually know surprisingly little about each other’s private lives. We had maybe 2–3 deeper conversations months ago, including one about religion, values, and friendship, but otherwise there hasn’t been much vulnerable disclosure. Our workplace makes that difficult since it’s usually full of people, and those deeper conversations happened during very rare periods when we were alone in the building.

When we pass each other at work, we almost never simply walk by. We’ll stop what we’re doing, make eye contact, smile/laugh, or say something to each other.

There’s also this weird nervousness when we’re alone. Sometimes he will literally text asking where I am, come find me, throw out one mediocre insult, and then go right back to his work room. I can’t even say I’m any better. Once he followed me to the break room while I got water. After the work conversation ended, we were standing across the room silently making eye contact, and I suddenly realized I had absolutely nothing work-related left to say. My hand started trembling slightly while holding the cup, so I put it down and silently left. lol.

In some cases when we are interacting in a group of people, he singles me out a lot to tease me and sometimes basically shoves me into the middle of the conversation even if I didn’t necessarily want that, as a shy person lol. When others are talking to each other, I notice him looking at me instead. He’s even waved his hand near my face before (few times) when I was deliberately refusing to look at him or focused on something else.

We’re slightly bolder over text. Once I asked when he’d be switched back to my morning shift and he immediately replied, “Why, do you miss me?” Another time he claimed to be completely indifferent to my existence, and I replied, “Then I don’t think you’d put as much effort into replying and engaging with me as you do.” He replied with: “Touché.”

He also sought me out long before I was reciprocating much. Months ago, before he had really even registered to me as someone I was interested in, he repeatedly came into my work area to ask questions/start conversations. Sometimes he would go noticeably out of his way to find me in parts of the building where he had no reason to be, and it honestly had a social cost for him to be seen there with me. I was extremely reserved then and barely gave him anything back. He had to very slowly build the rapport we have now.

More recently, I gave him a birthday gift that was strangely intimate for our relationship: a memento mori calendar, where you mark off the weeks of your life as a reminder that your time is finite. It’s something meaningful to me, but naturally I disguised the sentimentality by telling him I hoped it would “bum him out” among other morbid jokes, lol. I was visibly nervous giving it to him though, and he seemed genuinely touched.

Later I also randomly gave him a tiny derpy-looking crochet turtle. He was extremely confused about why I was giving it to him, but accepted it. When he joked that he would “gift it to some girl,” I later texted him telling him he wasn’t allowed to regift it because it violated “the turtle code.” He replied, “Oh my God. I apologize commander 🥹.”

It was something that happened recently that really threw me off. During a conversation about the calendar, he said he definitely wanted to be alive in the near future, because he is getting married in about five months.
I was shocked and he began explaining something involving a religious ceremony (he is Indian and possibly an arranged marriage, although I am not sure, and he has said before he is far removed from his culture and religion, as he considers himself an atheist).
He didn’t finish explaining because he was interrupted by someone walking in.

I’m pretty sure my reaction showed. I became extremely subdued afterward. His usual attempts to poke me barely got a smile, and for the rest of that day I was noticeably different around him. I wasn’t doing this on purpose, just trying to keep my external reaction composed.

What confuses me is that he didn’t back off afterward… it has been a few days, and he still seeks me out repeatedly. He visits my work area several times a day, completely unnecessarily mind you, to roast me with whatever mediocre insults he can make up . He still asks where I am. Recently he came into my area three times within about an hour even though I was mostly serious, work-focused, and barely giving him anything back.

I’ve gradually returned to normal because I don’t resent him and genuinely want to respect his marriage.

I also find it very hard to believe he hasn’t picked up on my attachment by now. He has seen me become flustered, shy, nervous and giggly around him, avoid eye contact, look disappointed when interactions end, give him two personal little gifts, etc. My affection tends to leak out even though I usually hide it under deadpan humor and mock hostility. At other times my social battery is dead and I respond to him like he’s a hot-dog vendor who wandered into the control room and started bothering me, and yet it’s still clear that I want him there.

My time at the company ends in one week, and he knows the exact date.

Before learning about the marriage, part of me had genuinely wondered whether all of this was building toward one of us finally acknowledging the obvious tension, or whether he might ask to see me outside work once I left, or if our relationship could turn into something romantic. I no longer expect that.

So my question for other INTPs is: why would an INTP invest this much social energy into building a very specific relationship with someone, especially starting months before she was giving much back, if he already knew there probably wasn’t a future available? I understand that attraction doesn’t necessarily equal intention. I’m not asking whether he’s secretly going to abandon his marriage for me. I’m more curious about the psychology of repeatedly seeking someone out, working hard to get their attention, letting the relationship become emotionally charged/flirty, and continuing to seek them out even when their departure is imminent and the relationship seemingly has nowhere to go.

Please let me know your thoughts.

I 20M INTP met a 18F INTJ, how do I ask her out on a second date? Super anxious, are we even compatible? She liked me on Hinge and seems to find me funny. Any advice would be much appreciated.

I'm talking to an INTP woman and we're currently getting to know each other seriously.

We recently discussed our views on finances and marriage. Her position is that she absolutely wants to remain a working woman and would never leave her job. She's likely going into the Indian Railways, so transfers between locations are something she expects to be part of her career.

She has also told me that, in her ideal marriage, her income would remain entirely her choice, while the husband would be responsible for the family's financial obligations, including major expenses such as the house, car, savings, etc.

I asked her how she imagines things working if both partners are working, especially if the husband is extremely busy with work, and how household responsibilities would be divided.

Her response was essentially that she will always work and that being with her may be difficult because of her transfers. She also currently prefers the idea of maintaining a lot of independence rather than immediately living together.

I'm not trying to argue that her view is wrong. I'm trying to understand the overall relationship model she's envisioning.

INTPs, especially women who strongly value career and independence: how would you interpret this? Is this simply a preference for financial independence, or does it suggest a fundamentally different view of marriage/partnership?

And how would you expect the practical side of things to work when both partners have demanding careers and one has frequent transfers?

I’m a 24f isfj, we’re the same age. 2+ yrs dating together.

It’s been 5 months post breakup due to incompatibility, although I saw it differently. I have always had good intentions but realized only afterwards that he thought I was extremely judgmental. I’ve taken a lot of time to myself and delved into philosophical readings to understand myself better and I understand how I present so much more than before.

To make matters complicated, we lived together and I had to move out, but a lot of my things remain there due to space constraints. I have seen him over the course of these months and it’s been messy.
The first month, I hadn’t seen him other than him dropping things off quickly, and he tried to rekindle but took it back after I brought up concerns.
He saw me 2 months later, and after I had picked up my things and happily chatted with him, he texted me lovingly. He told me he couldn’t see himself with anyone else, how he saw my smile and couldn’t stop thinking about me.

Then he started talking about wanting to get married and how we could start anew and work together.
That “he’d rather be miserable with me, than happy without.” It saddened me to hear it and these statements were pretty out of character.
I’ve never seen him text so quickly and as much at such a late hour, especially in this manner. I noticed he sort of spoke in hypotheticals and pointed it out. Knowing him, I believed he would regret all these statements and probably blame it on lack of sleep. He asked me out on a date for the next day, and I said I’d bite, but that I knew before work he’d change his mind. I was right. He said he thought about our incompatibilities and doesn’t want to repeat it all again. That was that.

Overtime, I picked up my things roughly up to every 3 weeks even though I barely could accommodate things, but I just wanted to see him. During one pickup, one of my heel’s wedges completely broke into pieces, as I left the apartment. I returned to grab backup shoes, and one thing led to another… I hate how much chemistry we have. He would say that he’d hope we’d someday get together, just not now.

The pickups continued and sometimes he’d even hit me up to “remind” me of things I might need and gradually the intimacy became more frequent until I distanced myself. Then one day he randomly called (I missed it) saying he was searching for something but said nvm. I somehow knew he wanted to talk about us and we ended up meeting. He spoke about how he missed me and wanted to get back together, how he’s surrounded by all the furniture I assembled, how he’s texted and spoke to people and that he misses me. I saw a message and it was just that... “I miss my wife.” Not a crazy declaration lol but I know he doesn’t text his friends in such a way anyhow. I didn’t believe him, but that day we spent time being a couple and it felt like old times again.

When I repeated if he wanted to date, he gradually became wish-washy. I won’t lie, I became a bit emotional and cried telling him I wish we’d never met. He stopped me before leaving and asked if I could just stay and he’d return after work. I agreed, finished some work on my laptop… fidgeted as I do and deep cleaned the messy apartment. He came back but didn’t address anything… we finally settled on some sort of dating trial, but he said he felt like a douchebag since he didn’t feel comfortable hanging out, but enjoyed the intimacy. I ended it days later because he kept repeating it.

Now we still hookup every once in a while, and he sometimes drops statements of what he disliked or how he felt during specific moments when we dated. It sort of breaks my heart but simultaneously helps me realize things about myself. I just wished he told me before. I was always open to listen. He says I’m much more mature now and wish I were before. Then tells me I’ll find someone better, or more extroverted, or more different… but I never wanted to change him. I just wanted to know him better. He’s comfortable telling me what he wants in women, while saying he doesn’t want a relationship but wants them to believe he does. It’s heartbreaking to hear, since he says he’s taken up this mindset after me.

These months were brutal. As sick as it sounds I love him so much more now, as he’s as honest and authentic to me as ever. It’s all I ever wanted, since he started to simply tolerate me towards the end. He said I just miss what we could have been, but I replay the past—good and bad. I just like him as he is right now. Less guarded and real. We both became too passive before. I need to move on, but I love even our simple chats. He lights up and tells me things, and it’s warm. I’m a bit relieved that he isn’t seeing anyone, but I feel manipulative as well, even though he sarcastically gloats about not having to search for anyone due to this messy situation. Unfortunately, my memories can play like movie scenes and ranges all the way to the age of 4, so there’s no forgetting. I wish I could just block things out as he does. I probably shouldn’t mention my feelings.

I think the title is suffice enough to be the topic.

I'm talking to an INTP girl, and recently we had a disagreement about finances in a future relationship.

I believe that if both partners work, they should ideally contribute toward shared expenses and jointly save/grow financially, with the exact split being something both agree on.

She grew up seeing her father handle essentially all the family expenses while her mother kept her own income, so she feels that if she earns money, it's hers, while the husband should handle the family's expenses from his income. She doesn't expect to be asked to contribute financially.

We talked it through and things are fine now, but this made me wonder whether we're fundamentally different in how we view marriage and money.

INTPs, how would you interpret her perspective? Is this simply a different financial philosophy, or would you consider it a potential compatibility issue?

Hey so I’m reposting this here from the main subreddit because it got referred over here by the modbot. not necessarily about relationships or anything, but your advice is still appreciated.

About two years ago I entered a very academically intense curriculum. In efforts to function well, I fully immersed myself into academic life. after two years in this curriculum I think that ive traded a direct experience of the world for the ability to observe it from a distance.

Walking around, I feel like my head is pointed up at the sky rather than wherever I’m physically looking. because it doesn’t feel realistic enough, i dismiss so much of my experience in reality to the point that I have trouble relying on the plausibility of my memory. I have to triple check everything in order to be confident that it truly exists.

I noticed recently that conversations have felt very claustrophobic. My close friend told me that I need to stop explaining like I’m trying to prove I understand, but rather I should try to get my idea across. Ive had a hard time communicating with others because despite my ability to articulate well, I end up spouting out highfalutin nonsense with little to no sentence structure. I have a hard time feeling genuine connection with human beings because I’m too concerned to connect with people on an emotional level.

generally, ive just become scared that I’m beginning to lose my ability to function properly in every day life and social situations. I want to immerse myself in reality. I feel like if I could find a solid purchase on the world, I would be able to straighten myself out. I would be very grateful to anybody who has a similar experience to share or any advice to give to feel more like a part of this world again.

I'm sorry I'm infp(15M) not intp but my crush is ( https://openpsychometrics.org/tests/OEJTS/ ) and I need some advice. She is my new classmate from the school I'm transfering to but she's the only transfer student except me(she doesn't know much boys). Maybe those who are also intp can give good advice.

Feel free to ask me any additional info. 🙏🙏

Hi everyone, I’d like some advice because I’m honestly not sure how I’m supposed to feel about this situation.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years. He’s an INTP, and I love him very much. He loves me too, and overall there’s no real issue with our relationship.

The thing is, he tends to analyze people's problems and get really involved when someone comes to him for advice. Normally, I wouldn’t have a problem with that. I actually like that he’s thoughtful and wants to help people. But lately, I’ve realized that the amount of emotional energy he puts into some of his friends makes me uncomfortable.

A lot of these people are friends he met through gaming or online communities. Sometimes girls or other friends will come to him with personal problems, and he’ll spend a lot of time talking to them, analyzing their situation, comforting them, trying to understand them, etc.

It’s not that I don’t trust him or think he’s cheating on me. I genuinely don’t believe he would do that. It’s more about the level of emotional investment.

I naturally have a hierarchy when it comes to relationships. I’m not going to emotionally invest more in some random friend than I do in my partner or my family. But my boyfriend doesn’t really seem to work that way. Sometimes he’ll put an incredible amount of energy into helping someone he barely knows, and honestly, sometimes it feels like he invests more emotionally in their problems than he does in mine.

Another thing that makes me uncomfortable is that some of these people eventually develop feelings for him. He always tells me that he would never do anything with them and that he can’t control how other people feel about him. And logically, I understand that.

But our own relationship actually started in a very similar way. We met, became friends, talked constantly, helped each other through things, developed an emotional connection, and eventually ended up together.

So I’ve always told him that I think people can easily become attached to someone who is constantly there for them, listens to them, understands them, and gives them emotional support. That kind of intimacy can create feelings even if you never intended for it to happen.

Personally, I’m very careful about this. I don’t really have deep emotional relationships with other men because I’m aware that it can create ambiguity or emotional attachment. I put boundaries in place precisely because I care about my relationship and I don’t want to accidentally give someone false hope.

There was also one situation in the past that really affected me.

He had a friendship with a girl (who was trans) who had a lot of serious personal and family issues and was struggling with bipolar disorder. The friendship eventually became extremely unhealthy, and my boyfriend ended up becoming depressed because of everything that was happening with her.

And I basically had to deal with the aftermath of a relationship that had emotionally damaged my boyfriend, even though I had never asked for any of it.

I was extremely frustrated and confused by the whole situation. I was also very patient with him and tried to explain that I was already doing my best to manage my own emotions and not dump everything on him, while he seemed to actively seek out other people's problems and immerse himself in them.

After that experience, he actually realized something about himself. He told me that part of the reason he does this is because helping people makes him feel useful and capable, and because our life together is relatively peaceful, he had almost forgotten that some people can be extremely complicated, contradictory, or even cruel in their reasoning.

In a way, I think I've had a positive influence on him. Our relationship has shown him what a stable and peaceful relationship can look like.

But sometimes I feel like he has gone too far in the opposite direction and now assumes that everyone deserves the same level of understanding and emotional investment.

I’m a very tolerant and understanding person, and I genuinely don’t want to tell him who he can or cannot talk to. He has every right to have friends, help people, and be there for them.

But I’m struggling with how I should interpret his behavior without letting it affect me so much.

Am I being unreasonable? Is it normal to feel uncomfortable when your partner becomes this emotionally invested in other people's problems, especially when some of those people end up developing feelings for them?

And how can I set reasonable boundaries without becoming controlling or making him feel like he’s not allowed to help people?

I’d really appreciate some outside perspectives because I’m not trying to isolate him from anyone. I just want to understand where the line should be between being a compassionate person and becoming emotionally over-involved in other people's lives, especially when you’re already in a committed relationship.

I (Infj) am in a relationship with an enfp-t boy and I genuinely feel like he deserves someone more active and social. But I really struggle with talking to people that I am not close with and idk what to do. Do you have any idea how I could improve this relationship?

NOTICE: approaching STRANGERS.

This culture is cooked in general due to both sides of an argument. But I just don’t see how it is happening for other people specifically when someone approaches the other person. I know that approaching someone is a difficult and controversial thing for mostly everyone, but I would like to look at it as a concept in general.

Early romantic attraction is often a one-sided, projection-heavy process in which your brain uses visual and behavioral cues to activate old emotional templates. Therefore certain details of the person’s appearance make you recall the memories of certain moments, things, experiences and it arouse certain positive emotional connection to those things and make you attracted to the person.

But the other person, having no shared history with you yet, remains emotionally neutral. The other person hasn’t run the same associative loop between you and their past emotional experiences. Without some interaction (even minimal), you don’t yet occupy any positive or negative emotional category in their mind. So they have no built-in motivation to meet the initiator cause they’re just another person in their environment until something creates a link.

For example, brief positive interactions create a shared affective event for both people: telling the joke, small talk, asking a question. Even small moments give the other person something to associate you with, moving you from “neutral stranger” to “person who made me feel X.”

I mean would you agree if someone would approach you and ask if you would like to be their friend. I mean, it might work in the kindergarten..

And what would happen if I ignore it

Falling in love with an INTP?

I've been talking to this INTP for a bit (I'm an INFJ), and it might sound really corny, but we actually met through a game. You know, the usual basic story.

The first thing he asked me about was the old Spider-Man movies. From there, we started talking about our different perspectives on movies and other things. I felt like the whole conversation was pretty flirty in a way. It was basically just two nerds talking and getting along. We eventually talked about MBTI, and he told me he was an INTP. At the end of the conversation, he clearly wanted to add me on social media so we could keep talking.

After that, we started talking and calling almost every night. At first, I felt like I was matching a lot of his energy, especially when he would make silly little attacks about my "poor" movie choices. But after a while, I became more relaxed around him while also becoming more shy, and I'm not really sure why. I felt relaxed enough to be myself, but at the same time, I was slowly becoming intimidated by how much he seemed to know about everything.

Most of our conversations were about his interests and the things he liked. Part of the reason was that I didn't want to open up too quickly. I wasn't sure yet if I could trust him enough to share a lot about myself, and I also didn't want to overwhelm him or feel like I was bothering him.

Today, we called while he was just going through his daily routine in a simple game he plays every day. He was showing me the game, but throughout most of the call, he was basically talking to himself and didn't really include me in the conversation. I did talk a little, but not much mostly just short comments here and there.

At some point, I started feeling awkward because I was wondering, How does he not notice that I'm barely talking? He didn't really seem to acknowledge it or try to include me. Toward the end of the call, he had to go to bed, and the conversation had become really dry.

I was typing something to him, but I wasn't sure whether I should actually send it. I didn't realize he could see that I was typing, but I guess he noticed me hesitating because he suddenly asked, in a pretty dry way, "What?"

I ended up asking him why he had been acting like that and explained how I felt left out during the call. But by the end of the conversation, it felt like he was basically saying that I wasn't talking and even accusing me of being on my phone. I wasn't on my phone, so I don't understand why he seemed so sure that I was.

Now I don't really know what to think about the whole situation.

Another thing I'm confused about is that he often makes slightly sexual comments. For example, yesterday he randomly said something along the lines of, "I get that I have a big dick a lot." 

So now I'm wondering: does this mean he's actually interested in me, or could he just be interested in me sexually? Because I genuinely can't tell whether he's flirting because he likes me or whether he's just making sexual comments for fun/attention.

I'll answer anything, but I really need someone's opinion on the matter! Thank you so much in advance!

Hi, I have a question. I’ve known my INTP bf since I was 18, and now we’re both 26. I’ve been with him for 8 years, and I’ve started realizing something. I think he loves me and that I probably suit him, but in those 8 years he has never really asked me personal questions about myself, like what I like or my interests.

He does ask me questions, jokes around, and sometimes ragebaits me, but his questions are always centered around his own interests or revolve around him. For example, he does take my opinion into account, I won’t deny that. But the thing is, he has never really shown curiosity about me, what I like or what my interests are. Sometimes he even says “that doesn’t interest me.”

Meanwhile, I’m always asking him about his hobbies, his interests, about him in general. And I realized that actually, I’m the one who talks about myself to him. I used to do it all the time, even without him asking.

And honestly, it makes me a bit sad. For example, if I find something funny, like a prompt, I’ll tell him “look, I used a prompt to generate something about me, check this out.” But his immediate response is “okay send me the prompt, I’ll try it too.” The thing is, he didn’t even read what I sent about myself.

I I don’t really know how to take this. Do you think it means that deep down he’s not really interested in me, and that I’m just someone convenient and pleasant to him. Also, for INTPs here, is it common for you to never ask personal questions?