r/enfj

I’m pretty sure this guy is an enfj 2 and I’ve observed this behavior where he picks up traits of people I adore and attempts to embody them. You know, I don’t mind it, but find it odd because I already like him for who he is and he doesn’t need to do that. (the opportunity for an honest conversation isn’t available atm so please dont suggest talking to him) I’m going to assume this is one of those instinctual things enfjs do as part of accommodation tactics and creating scenarios that we can smoothly bond over.

Now I want to know the following:

1. do you do this and why?
2. Does it mean something?
3. What encourages you to be more like yourself and not a role?

I just wanted to ask ENFJ females what you have experienced in a relationship with INTP males and INTJ males?

Female answers are preferred.

Hello my fellow good people. Take a break from saving the world and feeling all them feelings and tell me how has been your experience with women INTPs?

I order you to satiate my curiosity. I need information and i need it now.

Thank you

I have seen several posts, articles, videos, and the sort as of late that perpetuates Fe-Ni hate. It has become really common for people to call ENFj "NPCs" "Manipulators" "Lazy Drama Stirrers" off of recent stereotype glaze of xNxP xSTx and other types of the arm chair edge lord variety. Especially in socionics where it has gotten extremely out of hand and almost astrology-level-bad... Please share your thoughts everyone!!

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People say they want deep and genuine connection, yet most interactions feel emotionally guarded from the very beginning. Everyone wants understanding, loyalty, intimacy, and emotional depth, but vulnerability itself seems to make people uncomfortable now.

Modern dating often feels more like performance than connection. People try to appear detached, mysterious, emotionally unaffected, or endlessly interesting because showing genuine emotions feels risky. After a while, it becomes difficult to tell whether people are connecting with each other or simply with carefully constructed personas.

What makes it even stranger is that honesty and authenticity are constantly praised, yet emotional self-protection is rewarded more often. The more emotionally unavailable someone appears, the more attractive they sometimes seem. Meanwhile, people who are sincere or emotionally expressive are often seen as too much.

Maybe that’s why meaningful connection feels rare now. A connection where someone can freely share their inner world, thoughts, intensity, and real self without being judged as odd, crazy, or too intense. Instead, the other person genuinely finds that depth interesting and naturally merges into that emotional depth with them.

Many types often struggle with confrontation. I believe this is due to fear of uncertainty when it comes to how the person on the receiving of the confrontation could react. The bigger the issue is to us, the more likely we back away from confrontation. However, and I am quite sure this isn't going to be news to many of you, confrontation is the best way to go.

Confrontation is not done through:
- Aggression
- Being defensive
- Hostility
- Attitude

You get the picture.

Although often we let emotions run rampant after they have been accumulating for so long and then all the aforementioned becomes the style of confrontation that takes place.

Confrontation should be:

Addressing the issue calmly in a focused manner without turning defensive.

What does that look like?

Well let us take an example. Person X (pX) felt disrespected by Person Y (pY) because pY wasn't considerate towards pX during a group discussion where pY often cut pX off and never let them finish their point as well as took over and led the conversation.

The right way to confront this would be:

hey pY, you got a minute to talk? I just wanted to bring up that group discussion we had the other day. Something bothered me and I'm bringing this up because I don't think you realized that you were cutting me off and not letting me finish a point during that group discussion we had.

It is simple, straight to the point. You communicated something that happened without making an accusation, if fact you even expressed that you are giving them the benefit of the doubt letting them know that you do see them in a good light.

So why is it that many have a hard time confronting a situation? Well because they feel strongly about either the situation or the person they are confronting. It creates a fear that they will either end up unheard or the person they care about won't react favorably ad on the extreme end even stop liking them.

But here's the thing, we never know how anyone will react and it is unfair of us to assume it. We should concern ourselves more with making sure we communicate the issue as it is and avoid additional flair, past situations, accusatory tones, aggression, etc.

This doesn't mean that how a person responds later isn't important at all. But it becomes a concern only while they are actually reacting to your confrontation.

This is what's important.

Confrontation reveals truths and can improve a situation, resolve issues, or reveal people's true character as well as helps us in setting healthy boundaries.

So what you need to look out for in reactions and responses are:

- Are they listening?
- Did they reflect on what you said or did they dismiss it?
- Are they handling the discomfort well?
- Are they willing to repair things?
- Are they dismissive? do they mock you? do they deflect you? (you get the idea)

So answering these questions helps you understand where you stand with a person, how to set boundaries with people, communicate how you expect to be respected, and what this person is actually like.

Confrontation is very important, but how it is done is equally important.

I swear to god, i start to like someone, i try to type them because that's fun, and POOF, ENFJ, again and again. Even fictional characters, even my flipping ex who i still adore a lot (she barely even did anything severely bad, i just couldn't be in an inconsistent relationship). And then one of my transfeminine friends who i like and I don't know why, turns out to be ENFJ as well

I noticed not many enfj are with infps, even though many say they’re a perfect pair.

Do you find INTP a likeable partner. Or friend?.

Or anything I really wanna know

Any particular trait you guys like or hate?

Well, if one ever picked up cognitive function theory then he might already know feeling (both Fi and Fe) is considered to be a rational function too alongside thinking (Ti and Te). But isn't it odd that if feeling is the opposite of thinking and thinking means logic, then feeling means subjectivity and irrationality? Well, no. Its because, that definately is not what feeling is about - emotions. Feeling also cannot be reduced to mere sensitivity or empathy/sympathy dichotomy as opposed to thinking. This, I am going to explain with easiest possible ways.

But before it, let me quote from Carl Jung (I found Myers's definitions very unsophisticated),

>Feeling, like thinking, is a rational (q.v.) function, since values in general are assigned according to the laws of reason, just as concepts in general are formed according to these laws

This is the direct hint where Jung says feeling is also rational. To give it a clearer account, I present another quote. This is a quote on Fe and Te (which is applicable to Fi and Ti too for our current discussion)

>I call the two preceding types [Fe and Te] rational or judging types because they are characterized by the supremacy of the reasoning and judging functions. It is a general distinguishing mark of both types that their life is, to a great extent, subordinated to rational judgment. But we have to consider whether by “rational” we are speaking from the standpoint of the individual’s subjective psychology or from that of the observer, who perceives and judges from without.

Note here, Jung here uses the term rational and judging interchangeably. And now, to finally quote Jung,

>The rational is the reasonable, that which accords with reason. I conceive reason as an attitude (q.v.) whose principle it is to conform thought, feeling, and action to objective values. Objective values are established by the everyday experience of external facts on the one hand, and of inner, psychological facts on the other. Such experiences, however, could not represent objective “values” if they were “valued” as such by the subject, for that would already amount to an act of reason. The rational attitude which permits us to declare objective values as valid at all is not the work of the individual subject, but the product of human history.

So, here Jung gives a better account of the idea of rationality. So, to explain, we have to get rid of the old misinterpreted definition of Thinking = logic, and Feeling = emotions. This is where everything gets messed up.

The rationality (logic) we talk about, the tool to search for a metaphysical truth, is the topic of philosophy not psychology. Here Jung (although he himself is acting like a philosopher), says, the metaphysical truth is attained through countless philosophical discussions from the philosophical lines and discussions (i.e. Socrates, Plato, Aristotle, Kant, Descartes). But here what Jung means by rational is the capacity to "judge". That means here the person already creates his own system and acts according to his "values". It is cognitive process we are talking about, not logic of analytic philosophy.

But now comes the real part. When one can get rid of the misconception of thinking = logic, he can understand why feeling too is rational. Very plainly speaking, thinking means, trying to create a systematic framework of human judgement (values). Which obeys the laws of the judgement (values). Hence, thinking acts according to the "values", not against it. And feeling is what those "values" ground upon. So, to put it simply, feeling functions lay down the ground of "values" whereas "thinking" function helps establishing theories from them.

For instance, Ti says, all adult sane people should vote for the government. But what if I do not vote, after all, I am just one person*?* Here comes the catch. The Ti will say, the person may be thinking he is just one person, but hundreds of other people like him will think the same and in the end no one will come to vote at all. So, the people, the community and the entire social organization here is served as the object for "value" where Ti is deriving his laws. And here for the Ti, the counterpart of "objective value" (extroverted function) would be Fe.

Likewise, if Te says we ought to establish justice, maintain peace and harmony, hence create laws to protect human life. But the very idea of importance of human life comes from his underlying "value" which motivates him to seek (establish) laws. That is to say, if there are no people, there are no laws either. Here, Te's counterpart is Fi, from where the objective laws are derived from subject's individuality.

Now, one could say, what's the point of dominant and inferior functions? A person with Te-Fi axis will always think same regardless of his dominant or inferior function. Same is true for Ti-Fe axis too. Here, is the thing. All human beings use judging axes of the functions - Ti-Fe or Te-Fi. It is what he prioritizes from where any dominant cognitive function appears.

So, say for instance, if an Fi-dom prefers anarchy over authoritarian government, he will still try to look into his Te to justify his claim even if he is doing it unconsciously. Whereas, if a Te dom supports an authoritarian government over anarchy, he will still be looking for individual values through his Fi unconsciously (Note - Jung equates inferior function almost closer to unconscious function).

I hope it helps.

So apparently ENFJ’s are known to flirt with everyone, even platonically.

I’m wondering, how do you flirt or act around someone you might be romantically interested in on a first date?

type me help

hi i'm still looking for my mbti i always get 1.ESTP/2.ISTP 3.ESFP. i'm a girl 22yo people said that maybe i'm ENFJ? because i love people and being with them, attract feel attached easly.

i'm very emotionally mature ans understand others, i can know who they without speak to them.

I make sure that everyone is included in the group and feels like they belong and are not left out, even if I don’t always feel it emotionally or sometimes I do. I still feel obligated to do it because I don’t want anyone to be hurt. It’s not necessarily because I feel it deeply every time, but because it is a principle I have. ( Ti-Fe ? )

I really don’t think I’m a Fe-dominant type, because that kind of thing drains me, and other people’s emotions drain me as well. I don’t enjoy helping others, and I don’t like feeling responsible for them or guiding them in their decisions.

I can do it from time to time if I feel that the person is not becoming dependent on my opinion. What I truly enjoy is debating or sharing my knowledge when it involves logic and reasoning. For example, solving a problem or explaining a logical calculation is mentally stimulating to me, because I like demonstrating that I can reason clearly.

I also rarely know what I’m feeling. Most of the time, I feel nothing in particular. My emotions tend to come more from external experiences, such as going out or spending time with people I care about. And when I’m not doing well, it’s usually other people who tell me that I should talk about my problems.

don’t really like my personality because I become very very attached to people. I genuinely love being around others, and even if I’ve only talked to someone once, I may immediately want to see them, meet up, go out, or have a meal together.

I’m often drawn to people I find attractive, and I can get emotionally attached to them very quickly. But when I’m no longer with them, I sometimes start questioning the point of having friends at all, or I suddenly feel drained and lose interest for a while.

Even so, I know that I do care about them and that my feelings for them are real. It’s just that my desire for connection tends to come in intense waves, followed by moments of emotional distance. That’s why I like having a lot of friends, so I don’t get tired of any one friend.

I’m not a very talkative person. My conversations are usually quite simple and based on what I see around me, the things in my environment, and straightforward connections between them like food, activities, or whatever is happening in the moment. If nothing comes to mind, I don’t force the conversation.

I don’t naturally have the kind of conversations where ideas keep branching out endlessly the way they often seem to for Ne-dominant types.

If I invite someone over and we don’t do anything in particular, I tend to become quiet and nonchalant; I may not talk at all, and I find that boring. On the other hand, if we cook together, go out, or do some kind of activity, that’s when I feel like myself, as long as emotions come to me it all depends on whether that happens.

That’s why I thought I might be an ISTP or ISFP, but my very sociable side approaching people and really liking people a lot makes others tell me that I might be an ESTP or ESFP.

funny thing :

i see myself in enfj caractere like marinette duping cheng ahha

I'm surrounded by Fi doms and just Fi people and I struggle figuring them out.

They always come up with the same line saying that I need to understand them but I do, except they want me to think from their pov and not mine(which is kinda understandable).

Since I'm Fe dominant, I do understand others' feelings well but I don't know how to figure out Fi.

And when I expect the same from them, they say that we don't really care about others' feelings as much as you do.

Any suggestions?

I’m (40F) an INTJ who has been working with an ENFJ (36F) since January. I’m an engineer and she’s my HR person.

At first I didn’t care for her and was a bit intimidated as she gave me a talk about how I could be terminated if I didn’t meet my probation goals. In time though, I finally realized I had her all wrong. She’s warm, bubbly, attuned to others, friendly to everyone, and very helpful. I warmed to her and began to share more about my interests, world view, hobbies and found our convos quite congenial. There was one check-in in particular where I said I didn’t have anything to bring up so I’d let her go and she said no, this is your time… almost as if she didn’t want the interaction to end. A mutual coworker said she found me fun to talk to, which I found surprising.

I asked her to lunch and she said yes right away, booked a time in for us in the calendar, and even suggested a local place to go to. This week we finally had a slice of pizza together irl and our convo felt even more natural and easy together. We talked about our travel plans, psychology, music, and at times I forgot we were at work.

When she walks by my desk at work, she smiles warmly toward me. She feels great to be around and I think I might be a bright spot in her day as well since I’m not as cold as the other engineers she has to meet with.

Only thing is, how can I tell she likes me as a friend versus every other coworker she’s friendly to? She is nice to everybody so it’s really hard to tell. I could see us being friends irl since our lifestyles and circumstances are quite similar, but I can’t be sure.

I treasure my ENFJ friends, but sometimes I can’t figure out how to get you guys to talk. I will fill the silence, I have lots to say, and my ENFJs enjoy listening to - BUT I ENJOY LISTENING TOO! I have one ENFJ friend who is so NORMAL. We’ve been friends for a year. I’ve psychoanalyzed myself a lot because I’ve been through a lot of trauma and had to heal. So I love psychology. But she hasn’t really been through trauma, so she listens interestedly and says she loves our chats but doesn’t contribute a whole lot. She got excited once talking about a video she wants to make, but there’s not much there to talk about anymore. But it seems like she has such a consistent (boring) life. She travels, so I always ask her about her trip after, and then she finishes. There’s no inner impulse to share it seems. She has to be invited to. So I try. But it seems my curiosity keeps hitting dead ends (she answers and it’s hard to see where to go from there). She never yaps. We talk about dating. Try restaurants. Go shopping. She said she likes giving her opinion, especially about things that aren’t touchy/hot topics (the less touchy, the stronger her opinion). But I don’t know how to get her to share her mind. A few of those questions just fell flat. Maybe she doesn’t have that many deep thoughts? I’m at a loss. Some help would be appreciated.

I’m an ENFJ 3w2 SX3 i think?

Im struggling on determining what job i want to do so i was looking to see what people with a similar personality to me do as a career

I can’t imagine myself working a job in an office all day that sounds like hell to me

The only jobs I can see myself doing are “unrealistic”

So I look to you all for inspiration

Thanks to any replies

I met a guy who is in the same uni club

I think he had a crush on me but i can't like him

Not because of looks (closed to my type)

It's not a time to meet someone for me.

I know he is kinda rare good person. When I talked with him, I feel he has an authenticity. He has a passion and his own goal. But it's out of my plan

Since it's still the very early stages of our relationship and he doesn't know me completely yet, i can't.

It seems kinda selfish, however it is, I'd like to build good relationship with him(in personal)

He may be confused between human attraction and heterosexual something

Is it just an arrogant mind?

Thanks for advice