u/Chance-Seesaw-3073

[supprimé]

Hey (28F) here, I’m looking for unbiased type guesses. I’ve been told I can fit a lot of different types, so I’d rather get outside opinions.

I’m introverted and generally dislike people, but I can socialize well when I need to. I feel calmest alone, yet I still chase dopamine from going out sometimes. I gravitate toward kind people and appreciate good conversations and deep connection. I get tired quickly from social interaction and can’t stand anything longer than about 4 hours. I especially dislike people who talk nonstop about themselves. I have a huge soft spot for animals and feel very sentimental and caring for them.

How close friends and family describe me:

Unpredictable, spontaneous, adventurous, and very independent. I travel a lot and make impulsive decisions about moving. I disappear for months, reappear for a few days or weeks, then disappear again. I don’t emotionally rely on family or friends. I became financially independent as soon as I was an adult. I value duty and responsibility and tend to take it on, which leads a lot of people to become emotionally or financially dependent on me. I’ve been financially supporting my mother for the last 3–4 years (since I was 24). And according to them my calm, no-bullshit, and straight about things demeanor makes them want to emotionally depend on me.

I go with the flow and live in the present much more than the future or past. I’m bad at long-term commitment and lack discipline for steadily building proper longterm goals. I’m terrible with money and budgeting but every budget or plan I’ve ever made has been abandoned. So I make a lot of money but it all leaves me.

Ambitions and work style
My passions are fashion, music, and making furniture. I’ve always had large dreams, but I often choose more “practical” paths (like entrepreneurship for quicker/larger money and then being bogged down in a consulting job I hate for 3 years ) out of fear and the need to take care of my family, putting my own needs aside.

I work great with my hands. I’m calm under pressure and stress. I’m slow to anger and good at regulating my emotions and negative thoughts — I process them, take what serves me, and move forward.

Emotional side

My family thinks I’m not very emotional and that I can sound robotic with my answers but I’m just highly selective about who I share myself with. I don’t need to share my thoughts with everyone. The only people I’m comfortable with doing this would be the person I am dating by which I can be very expressive with.

I would say the place I’m most “emotional” is my lack of control over my drives. I see my lack of self-discipline as a lack of control over my emotions. I’m addicted to short-term dopamine and I’m lazy unless there’s a fire or pressure under me as it's only then I perform at my best.

Relationships
I'm still not 100% over my INFP ex when we broke up almost 2 years ago. We dated for four years and she was my first love. I ended it because it was logically not a good fit (toxic and intense), but my heart still aches physically when I think of her. I feel like I'm grieving a dead partner. It's the last thing anyone in my life would expect if they found out but deep inside I can't help but think she was the love of my life.

In terms of people I generally attract, I attract ENTJs, INFPs, ENFPs, INFJs, ENFJs. My favorite types are ENFJs, INFJs as theyre considerate in conversation and will leave if they can see i'm not interested, as opposed to underdeveloped ENTJs, INFPs, ENFPs, INTPs, INTJs, who will still try to force me into conversation when I'm clearly disinterested. I also adore and feel most comfortable with ISFPs and ISTPs. I enjoy the presence of ENTPs and INTPs as they make conversations interesting. I've never really met other types so i'm unsure on the rest but, I prefer funny friends who are considerate and like to do things together.

Organization
I love cleanliness in space but in my day to day I am pretty messy. I try to keep my room and bag clean but I feel like it's more performative. In my natural element I'm quite messy. When traveling, I like optimization and efficiency and always want to maximize the goodness I can have in an experience so with travel I'm organized but I don't get extremely upset if plans dont go way, I like going with the flow in life.

That’s the most accurate picture I can give, please feel free to ask any questions.

I’m a 27-year-old lesbian. About a week ago, an 18-year-old woman approached me, said she liked my style, and asked for my Instagram. Once I have her my ig she asked whether I had a girlfriend or boyfriend, and I told her I have a girlfriend. She paused for a moment, so I followed up by asking if she was queer. She said she only dates women. There was a brief awkward silence, and I laughed and said, “Well, we can be friends.”

At the time, I had no idea how old she was. I assumed she was somewhere between 21-25. It wasn’t until we started texting that I realized she was only 18.

Part of the reason I continued responding was because it felt polite, and I figured I could maybe act as a mentor of sorts. Honestly, I expected the conversation to fade out after a day or two.

Instead, we’ve been texting almost daily for the past week. She messages me goodnight or tells me she’s about to shower so perhaps I’m afraid she’s getting attached to the friendship.

She’s genuinely easy to talk to and asks thoughtful questions, so our conversations naturally drift into topics like music, films, and other interests. On one hand, I’ve found myself genuinely enjoying our conversations. On the other, something about the situation makes me uncomfortable.

I’ve casually mentioned my girlfriend four or five times, partly because I want to be clear that I’m not interested romantically. I don’t find her attractive, she isn’t my type, and I don’t want to unintentionally give the wrong impression.

What keeps bothering me is the age gap. When I was 18, she was 8. I’ve spent the last decade navigating adulthood while she was still in elementary school, then high school. The friendship also began with what seemed like romantic interest from her side. I could be wrong, but that was my initial impression, and it only shifted into friendship after I mentioned having a girlfriend.

I don’t really seek out friendships with people that much younger than me, I really don’t need friends this young, and my gut keeps telling me that this dynamic isn’t right for me. At the same time, she hasn’t done anything wrong. She’s been respectful, kind, and easy to talk to.

Am I being unreasonable for feeling this way? Am I overthinking it and being dramatic?

I’m Korean and we have a culture of unnie dongsaeng
Which means older sister / younger siblings where in friendships with age gaps the older one will treat the younger one like a mentee/junior/younger sibling.
This friend is not Korean though so I started with this intention in mind.

If I decide to end the friendship, how do I do it kindly without being hurtful or cruel? She’s mentioned that she finds our conversations meaningful and that it’s hard for her to have discussions like these with people her own age. I don’t want to be cruel, but I also don’t think I want to continue building a friendship here.

Part of me thinks that when she’s 27 herself, she’ll probably understand why I felt uncomfortable.

Has anyone been in a similar situation?