u/SADGALRARA

Is this normal? The itching just started yesterday and I’m starting to rip my skin up from all the scratching. the itching makes falling asleep incredibly hard and I’m just super uncomfortable in my skin. Ugh. Makes me want to drink but I won’t for now.. it feels like I’m going crazy

My stupid brain won’t let me remember how fucking much agony I was in a week ago from habitually drinking like an animal. I’m at my second job now at the beach and there’s a ton of downtime and even more bars every few steps. I usually like to go to the bar on my breaks and get a couple of drinks, and also walk around the boardwalk with my “water” bottle..

I’m finally not shaking or shitting every 30 minutes but the compulsive thoughts are probably the harder part. At least when you feel like shit you sort of are compelled to not drink. But when you feel good like this it becomes so easy to sabotage yourself and throw away all progress..

Somebody please help me stay sober another day.

My stupid brain won’t let me remember how fucking much agony I was in a week ago from habitually drinking like an animal. I’m at my second job now at the beach and there’s a ton of downtime and even more bars every few steps. I usually like to go to the bar on my breaks and get a couple of drinks, and also walk around the boardwalk with my “water” bottle..

I’m finally not shaking or shitting every 30 minutes but the compulsive thoughts are probably the harder part. At least when you feel like shit you sort of are compelled to not drink. But when you feel good like this it becomes so easy to sabotage yourself and throw away all progress..

Somebody please help me stay sober another day.

My stupid brain won’t let me remember how fucking much agony I was in a week ago from habitually drinking like an animal. I’m at my second job now at the beach and there’s a ton of downtime and even more bars every few steps. I usually like to go to the bar on my breaks and get a couple of drinks, and also walk around the boardwalk with my “water” bottle..

I’m finally not shaking or shitting every 30 minutes but the compulsive thoughts are probably the harder part. At least when you feel like shit you sort of are compelled to not drink. But when you feel good like this it becomes so easy to sabotage yourself and throw away all progress..

Somebody please help me stay sober another day.

I’ve been a daily drinker since I was about 27. I find it very easy to function at work, in social situations, etc. and started drinking before work to make the day go by faster. Then things naturally got way out of control and I had to go to rehab after about 4ish years of being an alcoholic. I stayed clean after I got out for like 7 months but relapsed on a vacation. It wasn’t bad at first of course but I got a series of heartbreaking news and wound up moving across the country from what I knew as life. I immediately started drinking day after day. Wound up getting a new job where I drink throughout the day without anyone realizing (I’ve been doing this for 2 years). In the past 2 years there may have been 2 days where I didn’t drink but only because I was so sick from drinking that all I wanted was water and sleep.

Anyway, I’ve been needing to get my shit together because I want to find a better job/make more money and do more creative entrepreneurial stuff.. but that’s basically impossible when I get home from work and I was literally drinking all day. I recently got a second job that’s involves a lot of walking in the sun. Drinking in the sun all day and walking about 3 miles do not mix well.. and when I woke up the next morning for my main job, I had the WORST feeling of my life. I don’t even want to call it dehydration because it just felt different. Of course the nausea, vomiting, headaches, diarrhea, and all that stuff but the COLD SWEATS and shivering/shaking is what fucking got me good. I was so sweaty it looked like I got out of a sauna. And I was so exhausted I couldn’t even get up to take a shower or eat. I barely had energy to drink water and couldn’t sleep for more than 1 hour increments because I kept waking up to nausea and chills. Like it’s the type of sick where you have absolutely no desire to drink.. your only hope is hydration.

Anyway I had to call out sick which they’re never cool with, but even worse was I had to call out a second day in a row because I kept waking up every hour with cold sweats and shakes. I was wrapped in blankets with my fan blasting on me for 48 hours and couldn’t eat a single thing. Drinking water was nearly impossible. I was considering calling out a 3rd fucking day but I knew I’d need to get a doctor note so even though I still felt sweaty and had a headache, I decided to just survive the day. At this point I started feeling well enough to drink again. Like I felt in the realm of where I wake up feeling shitty from drinking the night before and have another drink in the morning to feel better, like a coffee effect. But I was paranoid after taking off so much time this month and curious how much longer it would take to feel somewhat normal: not drunk/tipsy and not sick/lethargic which is normally how I feel.

So I went to work without the water bottle of vodka! Felt pretty proud too like “what am I doing”? But yeah the whole day 3 of no drinking went better than expected. I was sweating my ass off and had to take a shower as soon as I got home (it’s a desk job with AC) and felt nauseous all day with a headache. I also kept shivering and shaking/tensing up my body without realizing at first. The anxiety was WILD and lasted all day but I was able to get my work done. I wanted to go home and celebrate with a drink but I was like you know what? Let’s see if this is the time I actually fucking last. I just went to bed after work since the day was basically over.

Today was day 4 of no drinking and I feel like 110% better with no more cold sweats and only a slight tremor which I have from a medication I take as well. I honestly thought it was going to take longer to feel physically this much better especially after how god awful I felt. I literally almost went to the ER scared I was going to have a seizure or something.

Anyway rant over but what do you guys think? I don’t have the most confidence in myself at all but it is about time for me to grow up and make time for other things. Has anyone had success cold turkey that you know of?