r/recoverywithoutAA

Long venting post… I have 8 years sober today. I love that AA was the groundwork for my sobriety, but it’s a shitty place to stay sober. I met an ex in the rooms who claimed sobriety but used, lied to get scripts, and cheated. I decided a couple of months back that I was going to take a break. I told some people from AA and got 3 phone calls and numerous texts. One of these people lives down the street from me and I’ve known them for a very long time. I saw them a couple of days ago and it was borderline harassment.. I had just gotten home from time with my girlfriend and he pulled up on me very fast and swung his car door open. He then kept asking “what are you doing??”, “you good?!” And “I know your sober date is coming up, why ain’t your name on the board?!” He also sent 12 text messages after. I told him to please leave me alone and I told him I was blocking him. This was the second time I told him to please leave me alone. That encounter really pissed me off and made AA seem more like a cult since they lost a member.
I just want to experience life without going into the rooms and being reminded of all the damage I’ve done and the constant competition of who’s done more drugs, etc. Life has been the fucking same, if not better, since I left the rooms. Being sober is not my personality anymore and people in AA seem to think that I’m losing it bc of it. No, I’m just a normal person going through life and as simple as it fucking sounds, I don’t have to talk about my past life all the fucking time and all the drugs I did or how shitty of a person I can be.

I ran out of my oxyNEO 40 mg for chronic pancreatitis and I only have methadone 10 mg for pain relief plus opioid Withdrawals.

Last oxyNEO 40 mg twice daily
I was taking 80 mg at once for pain

I took 20 mg of methadone on Monday it is not Thursday and I do not have withdrawal the oxy is out of my system.

I am wondering if methadone 10 mg is good for pain? I can increase the dose on days it is bad and go back to my dose to 10 mg a day, I am lost.

Is my methadone 10 mg prescribed good for pain?

What are your thoughts on needing to reset your sobriety/recovery date after a slip?

Something I’m thinking about now that I’m quitting AA (they are strict about it)

My recovery journey started July 22nd 2025 when I finally entered treatment. I went on a pass September 6th and had a slip where I drank 4 beers. I quickly realized it was not a good idea, all I could think of was going out to drink more and doing drugs, so instead I stopped and I went back to treatment and told on myself. It was a learning experience for me.

In treatment people who had a slip would often say their time like “30 days minus one” so they didn’t have to reset their time. When I went to IOP the facilitator had us say our recovery date and our date of last use. Most people would say their recovery date as after their date of last use, bc they didn’t count their time in detox or whatever. But I would say July 22nd for my recovery date because that is the day I did the courageous thing and chose recovery over everything else, and I would say September 6th as my date of last use.

It resonated with me and the facilitator supported my view but other group members seemed to be upset and in disagreement. They told me it would be disrespectful to claim a sobriety chip at AA after having a slip and that I should reset my time completely bc otherwise it would just encourage me to slip again.

Since I was heavily into AA I listened and I reset my date. It never felt right to me though, I still FEEL like I’ve been sober longer. I’m tired of explaining to people “yeah I went to treatment 10 months ago but I’m only sober 8, I just had a slip in the middle” or “I’ve been sober 8 months but it’s more like 10 months”. I could see resetting the date if I had a full relapse and drank for a couple days or weeks or months or even if I had not stopped that night and just gotten as drunk as possible and did drugs. But I stopped because I realized it was a bad idea, so I just view it as a slip rather than a relapse. I still want to celebrate when I get to a year of recovery on July 22 !

I’m just wondering other people’s thoughts on this outside of AA. Would you celebrate your original recovery date, your last use date, both or neither?

I started using cocaine in February when a friend (cat) introduced me to it. I didn’t start off doing a lot but over April and may it has gotten worse. I had my fist binge two weeks ago and it scared me. I did quit for a week but I did some this week. I realized that the reason I keep stopping and starting is because I can’t control my impulses. I don’t have contact with the plug I just do it/ get it From my friend (cat) (I drive her to the plugs house and she will get it for me). It’s not her fault because I don’t say no when she ask, I told her not to ask me but since she does so much she forgets and will mention doing it when we hangout and I just go along with it even though I told myself I’d quit. But I need to put some distance between me and her because I can’t keep doing this and clearly the issue is my lack of ability to say no to it. I really want to hold myself accountable because it’s not her job to stop me I need to stop myself. The reason why I do it goes back years, before the weed and coke there was tiktok and I’ve been addicted to it for so long it’s messed my dopamine levels up. I deleted it and I want to take the next step and that’s quitting coke.
Any advice or words of encouragement will be greatly appreciated, and if anyone is going through the same thing message me and we can talk.

Hello!

I am a 25 F. ATX.

Recovered from a year long opiate addiction a few years ago. Have abstained from it since I got sober in 2022.

However, I didn’t really address the inner issue with why I tend to abuse substances. Immediately jumped back into nicotine & weed. Then dabbled with adderall & cocaine.

Adderall connection moved, forced sobriety but led me to rely on cocaine more. Slowly I developed a functional addiction to cocaine. I have a good/stable income, paying most bills on time, able to show up for work.

Went from a g lasting me 7 days, to a g lasting 2 days. This happened over a span on 3-4 years. I work an office job that requires attention to detail & focus. I use coke as a crutch at work, otherwise it feels like torture trying to focus.

With all of this being said, I am mentally lost. Stuck in this functional addiction while wanting to stop. I will have 1-2 days of sobriety between bags, usually because I binge (no control over use, I have flushed G’s because I know I will keep going) & a lot of shame and anxiety. I feel “normal” after abstaining for a day or two, then I have the great idea to get another bag because it would feel good and I can knock out work (convinced 1 more time, I can handle it)! Then cycle of shame and anxiety/depression continues.

I also hate the food cravings after being sober. I hate feeling puffy or bloated. Also—does anyone have bowel movement issues? I have only done coke intranasally.

I realized I let my emotions/mood run me. I don’t know how to handle emotions, I run/distract/ignore/numb them. I am a dopamine addict. Days where I am sober, I battle cravings, boredom, intense dysphoria.

I want to be able to feel joy in everyday life again. But when a craving or idea of relapse begins, I absolutely roll over and give in. It’s a comfort, I know I conditioned myself into this.

**Therapy is in the works, currently trying to find a match for EMDR, DBT, and substance abuse counseling.

Any shared experiences or options would mean the world. Addiction has caused a lot of shame & isolation, what has helped you overcome cravings and dysphoria? Was there a core belief or idea that helped things “click” for you?

- I need to remove all access to it. Luckily no friends or family in my immediate circle use “hard” drugs. However, I recently met a plug accidentally and we hit it off. We have similar pasts and great conversation. But he does have a lot of access & we do use together. He wants to stop selling and leave that behind, he wants sobriety for the both of us too. But I have a feeling I will need to say goodbye to him. It’s too easy to give in, and he hates telling me no. How do I navigate this without ghosting?

So I have been on and off drugs most my life. Mostly heroin but I've done just about everything. I was clean for about 15 years but moved back to Glasgow & ended up back on it. I was almost 50 by this time & thought I just can't do it and went on Methadone for the first time in my life. That was 7 years ago and I feel like it's the worst mistake I ever made.

I ended up on 90 ml. Got it to 60 and stopped. Had a major relapse about a month ago and thought I can't do this. Cut down to 30 this Sat, Sunday, Mon and Tuesday had ​nothing. Today I had my first weekly injection (Bhuvidal is basically a Subutex injection that lasts 1 or 4 weeks), do 2 more of them & then go to monthly. Goal is to be clean by Xmas. However I am right now still feeling all over the place. The Bhuvidal is definitely doing something but it's possibly still maybe having traces of Methadone in me that's making it harder than I thought. I read it can take 3-6 weeks to fully come out your system.

Anyone had any similar experiences or any advice. Looking to be off everything for Xmas and this really seems like the best option for me. If I never have to go through withdrawals again for what's left of my life I'll be happy as hell.

Get the hell away from those people I don’t care if they family. That’s the most reason why I stayed alcohol free for a year cause remember certain people want you to stay drunk want you to stay the same person scared and feared for you to get sober that is a big issue people! People fear that you get clean you become a better person and that’s not what they want. Get away from people. It doesn’t matter if their family or not leave leave for good. Your life is first!!!!!!!!!

Dallasjpd@gmail.com

I will always be here to help. I struggle myself, and I want to open a door. I believe people are kind.

So I received a message in my inbox that my claim was exhausted here is the message:

You have been paid all of the disability benefits that you are entitled to because: Section 2626.2 of the California Unemployment Insurance Code provides that a resident in a Drugfree Residential Facility is eligible for an additional forty-five (45) days of disability benefits for continuing resident services, providing a physician/practitioner certifies to the need. The maximum benefits payable for resident status shall not exceed ninety (90) days in any disability benefit period. You have exhausted your maximum amount for this disability benefit period.

So for background I was in inpatient rehab for substance abuse from january 13 until March 2 and then I went to a PHP outpatient program from March 2nd until now and plan on staying for another month or two but it is going to be hard to keep paying for the program without my disability checks.

My confusion is that the language says you can get a total of 90 days in a resident services but I was only in residential for less than 60 days and am currently in outpatient.

Is this a mistake on their end?

They only give me 255 words to appeal which is hard to convey everything.

How would you guys appeal this?

AA is polluted with creepy old dudes. Im a 33 year old decent lookin dude who would enjoy a relationship with a good looking woman the same ageish also in pursuit of happiness in sobriety. These hoards of creepy old dudes scare said women directly out the door. Seen it a million times. Its not just the creepy old dudes either. At young peoples meetings as soon as an attractive girl walks in they are immediately surrounded......like a dogpile.....same thing- run them directly out the door, usually to never come back. Other scenarios include but not limited to- the fridge protecting the snacks type deal. It sucks.

I need a friend

My ex “friend” introduced me to very strong fish scale cocaine on 5 occasions. I didn’t know that a “normal” dose of cocaine is not doing 3.5g a night on your first try. I did this 5-6 times over the course of a year and a half.
The last time it was so tough on my body that I thought my heart was going to fail the next day so that was the end.
This was about two years ago. I have very mild thoughts of using now but I never act on them.
Will these thoughts/cravings ever go away?
My “friend” has completely ruined his life, despite really wanting to change. It’s incredibly sad. That’s what is stopping me from going back.

Please tell me that this is not completely pointless

How does AA affect families?.. I asked a guy if he was really going to commit to AA for the rest of his life, and he gave a very confident yes.

My other friend just had a baby, and I’m wondering how do men/women manage to make time for meetings when they start a family? I feel so bad for my friend having to spend more time taking care of their new baby by herself because her AA husband spends hours going to AA meetings and then meets with his sponsor/sponsees. My first thought was he needs to go home and help your exhausted wife!!

I asked the guy if his sobriety and AA will always come above his family, and he said yes.

Just wondering what’s everyone’s opinions about this? I was going to marry this guy who dedicated to going to AA for life, but I did not realize how much of an impact his requirement to go to meetings and also the fact that his sponsor would be involved/influential for major life decisions.

When I found this subreddit I thought that it's about how you can recover from alcohol addiction without AA. I don't know, discuss other types of methods, therapies, etc.

But what I have found is people that are angry with AA. And I get it. Really. I have 33 years of "continous sobriety" and was a member of the AA church.

I drank the kool-aid the first 14 years but then, AA members proved to be horrible and I left.

So, in short, am I going to see other alcohol addiction recovery processes without AA or just tirades against AA?

Meet John, 34 years old, who goes to 4 meetings a week and is his 1433rd day in recovery. He likes going to meetings so much, that yesterday he went to one and drove to the next city to join another one on the same day. How I know? He told me and everyone around and couldnt keep a single detail to himself.

John is a coworker of a friend of mine and although he wasnt invited, he still showed up to my group of friends having dinner. Since he is the star of the party (because he got sober) he took over 90% of the talking and could only speak about one thing: his sobriety, his recovery and his stupid medals. Eventhough no one wanted to hear his boring stories he still couldnt shut up about them and how bad of a person he was in the past (John was a major alcoholic who drank four beers a day all by himself and texted people afterwards).

Thanks to this asshole all my friends now believe that Im the same as John living in victimhood and making everything about myself. despite not even talking about alcohol they think that Im struggling hard not to drink because John is. Suddenly I got asked about my days in rEcOvErY and after saying "around 11 months" I got asked why I dont know the day of me "getting my life back".

Thank fucking you John and your cult for having me to reprogram my group of friends from all the BS you have told. guy was awful btw and people still joke about him and his "amazing journey". I got sober through rehab and everyone knows. I have never talked about alcohol and only answered questions about how I feel when my friends drink in front of me and suddenly I feel the urge to correct everything Mr. Alcoholic Anonymous said

What was your experience leaving the fellowship/deprogramming?

Did you find a substitute for AA, or did you just move on with your life and remained alcohol free?

I really could use some advice right now (this will be very long, please have patience with me)

I've been a part of AA for a few years, never finished the steps and never found the "solution" helpful in terms of staying sober more than about 8 months.

But i must admit i've had mostly a positive experience with the fellowship (meetings, AA events etc) and i like the principles of the program. What i can't get behind is the rigid dogmatic approach and the black-and-white view on alcoholism (i'm aware it might be helpful to some but to me it's just too simplistic) not to mention how most of the shares go back to "I'm sick, i'm diseased" or "I'm just an alcoholic", like it's a part of your personality/identity.

It's so disempowering and doesn't promote healing.

"I drink because i'm an alcoholic..." Really?

Why not get to the root cause WHY you dink, WHAT causes you to relapse, and so on? Is it really because you're just an alcoholic, self-will run riot...or is it because there are other factors that trigger your addiction and maladaptive coping strategies?

I also don't like how you're always the problem, "What did you leave out in your step 4," etc

What if you need therapy...what if you need to actually change aspects of your life instead of hiding in the rooms all day and identify yourself as an alcoholic like it's some form of mantra?

I find it hard to believe we're fundementally different from others because we've developed a destructive relationship to alcohol. Is it really a disease? What if it's a deeply learned coping mechanism?

What's the difference between an addiction to alcohol and being addicted to sugar or junk food, for example?

Isn't it the same thing, same behaviour...

And what is a "real alcoholic"- and a heavy/problem drinker, really? Isn't addiction ADDICTION?

I don't know. I'm starting to think maybe all of this is just made up.

With that said, AA or the community has been helpful because of my lack of social support but the culty aspects of AA makes me consider leaving, for good.

But it's hard, because i've learned a lot and i like the spiritual aspects of the whole thing...and i lack community. But i feel like i can't be authentic in that environment and it seems like (even though many have achieved sobriety and now live a functional life) most of them haven't moved on and still seem stuck in their alcoholism, because you'll never recover, lol.

I'm thinking about trying out something else. Maybe Lifering, because i know i'll need some community at least.

I live in Scandinavia (Europe) and we don't really have many options over here, but i did find a Lifering meeting just outside my hometown, but that's about it.

Besides me ranting i'm in a much better place now compared to last year. I've cut down on meetings drastically and try to strive for a more holistic approach. Body Mind Spirit.

I don't think i can see myself doing AA any longer, honestly.

How did manage to leave AA after many years of being involved?

Hey everyone,

I started going to AA meetings in late October of last year and haven't drank since, so it'll be 7 months next week. My alcohol consumption had been problematic for years even though I never drank on a daily basis. When I would drink (2-3 times a week), I drank in huge quantities, could hardly stop, I'd have blackouts almost systematically and increasingly put myself in danger. However, I never thought of myself as an alcoholic. I just knew that alcohol was making me extremely anxious, was an ongoing issue in my life (I'm 32), yet, despite multiple attempts, I could not stop drinking.
As I said, ever since I went to a meeting I haven't had a drop of booze, I actually quit drinking a week before going to my first meeting. I live in Paris, France so my experience of AA might be different from those of you in the USA (although I've been to a couple of meetings in SF and it wasn't that different from what I know.) I have to say that meetings have been, quite literally life changing. I think that it is mostly the feeling of meeting people who understand me, and that I understand.

However, for a while now, meetings have been bringing me down. It's not the weight of what's being shared, I just get a vibe that's uncomfortable but I can't quite put my finger on it. I've tried going to different meetings, but there's not much change. I think that it helped me break the cycle, but that I don't relate as much now as I used to. I certainly don't relate to the incessant talk about how you should live your life according to the program, and trust your higher power and whatnot.
I am working through the steps with my sponsor, but there again, a lot of it sounds like bullshit that we are somehow just supposed to accept.

Anyway, I'm sorry if this is not very clear, I'm just writing as it comes, but yeah long story short, AA worked, but I get the feeling that as of late, it's become something HEAVY in my life. I am just scared that I will go back to blacking out every week-end if I stop going, so I'm interested in your experiences.

Thanks for reading, I wish you a good day.

7 years sober after picking up acceptance and commitment therapy.

Life is amazing right now. Better than I could have envisioned for myself.

Enter: A date who says I’m not taking sobriety seriously because I don’t say “I’m in recovery.”

I said straight up I have a substance use disorder that developed because I didn’t understand how my brain worked. I didn’t understand that alcohol was making my depression worse, rather than dulling it, to the point I got physically addicted.

To me, recovery has always been a limiting term because it implies you’re trying to get back to some magical healthy point that you never will.

It negates the fact your life could be better than it ever was even before you started drinking.