Is the only true way to apologize to go sober? Like do my apologies not mean anything if I keep drinking? Probably not because I'll keep fucking up and being scummy. Will they not take my attempts to be better seriously unless I go sober? Is that why we lose friendships and burn bridges? Because we'd rather just keep on drinking ?
I think I'm going through a friend break up due to being belligerent and acting badly for the second time at one of their parties.
I feel I don't deserve their friendship at this point and told them so but they felt I was being dismissive I guess. I just wanted to disappear after them retelling what I did.
I wanna move out of town. I wanna apologize more but also give them space. I don't really know what to do. I offered to keep sober when we hang out and they didn't respond again.
Last time I really thought I could manage shit and not get to THAT point but I did anyway. So I think being sober around them is the safest offer I can make. But I think I worded everything wrong and they think I don't give a fuck, meanwhile I feel gutted nonstop and wanna crawl in a hole. I'm trying to give them space and not do the self pity thing but honestly idk what to do
Tried not to pre-drink TOO much, even brought a side dish, was anxious so just stuffed it in the fridge, proceeded to drink all the vodka and black out and am expecting friendship-ending confirmations in a few hours.