I’m so poor I can’t even afford a half pint of Skol. It’s like $3. FML how did I get wrapped up in this? I have precisely one Klonopin. Pray for me folks, this is going to be a bumpy landing. Pour one out for me because I’m screwed.
Chairs
Title. I’m so hot. It’s been over 100 degrees for the last few days. My air conditioner is broken. I don’t know what to do as I am currently also broke. I’ve been so well over the last few days, we’re talking 4 shots a day, but it’s just so hot and I’m tired af.
If this iPhone tells me that my volume is too loud one more time…my hearing is already fucked from loud songs thank you. I can’t be the only one who hates this “notification” can I?
What are your options on Stevie’s best song lyrically and vocally and why?
Do you all get anything from talk therapy? I keep getting yelled at to go but I don’t see the point. Is therapy going to make me not want to drink? Is it going to make me forget that I have screwed up my life? Do any of you have positive experiences? I don’t want to talk about why I drink. I think I’d rather talk to you all. I don’t know how people live through this. My mom died from a fentanyl overdose three years ago and it’s still awful. Nothing is going to fix that or change it. Her dog died several years before and she told me she wanted to do coke until she died so it would stop hurting. The fuck? You’ve have (had) four kids. And no, I can’t talk to my siblings. I’m the poor white trash alcoholic sister. They hate me.
Chairs
Edit: I haven’t talked to my grandmother for months. She was like my mother my whole life. She was only 40 when I was born. I’m 42 now and she’s 83. She has dementia. I can’t make myself pick up the phone. I know how selfish I’m being. Please help me figure out how to do it.
I’ve been in the hospital for 6 days withdrawing. The doctors here are fucking stupid assholes. I was admitted to the ER with a whopping .485. Basically they have stuck me in a room and ignored me this entire time. I’m disabled and they keep yelling at me and then go back to ignoring me. Still waiting to see if I have pancreatitis. I
have a UTI and keep pissing myself. I have never felt so horrible in my life. I can’t eat; I can’t sleep. I’m not even being monitored anymore. I tried to leave AMA and they wouldn’t let me. The worst thing of all is that I had $400 concert tickets for today. I’m probably going to have to quit for good, but I’ve got no one but myself to blame. I want to report some of these incompetent lazy nurses. But I can’t because I’m just an alcoholic so I carry no validly.
Let this be a lesson to you friends, please handle your shit.
I used to have a job.
I had my dream house.
I had people who I thought were my friends, I can’t talk to them now. How am I? I’m a drunk thanks for asking. Go back to your million dollar houses, charcuterie boards and true crime.
I was trying to recall the last time I was happy; I can’t.
I don’t want to look in the mirror anymore.
I want to go to rehab but I can’t.
Time for another drink.
How I wish there was a real sky wizard.
If there is, it doesn’t like me.
When u go to sleep at night I know.
It is a painful life, and it’s going to be an even more painful death. Full of people asking “What could we have done?” “She could have changed if she’d wanted it enough,”
You could have been fhere sans judgement.
You could have been there when I was crying out for help.
I’m not sure. It’s 2:30 a.m. where I live and I’ve just woken up to drink myself back to sleep. This bender has gone on since April and it’s getting old. My psychiatrist is a bitch, she’ll only prescribe me 10 .5 Klonopin a month. Just enough that I’m not dying but still miserable, thanks. I don’t abuse my meds, I know what I have down to the milligram. Tomorrow I’ll wake up miserable and start this over again.
I drink alone and I hate people so it’s extremely isolating.
Oh well. I have this little grey tabby cat (she’s 19). So I guess I’m not totally alone. Thank god for her.
I’ve been needing /wanting to go the hospital for weeks. I fucking can’t. If I’m not home that there is no money. My husband is my paid “caregiver”. That means I’ve got to be “in range”, if not he doesn’t get paid. Mind you, getting paid requires about 2 hours of work a day. The rest of the time he’s on his phone.
Of course, this means that no bills will get paid. So i persist. It’s not a pleasant existence. I don’t want to wake up because it will be the same thing as yesterday.
I’m so afraid that this lifestyle is going to kill me. I’m pretty sure I have diabetes and possibly liver failure.
I truly feel there isn’t a soul alive who understands me anymore. It’s hard to give a shit anymore. Although I need medical intervention, I can’t go. I’ve looked into rehab, no one can meet my “special needs.” Of course, again there’s the whole money issue. I won’t have an apartment.
It’s hard to carry all of this. So hard. My sister gets copious amounts of drugs through Kaiser, she has lupus. Guys, she is legit fine. I know it’s a real disease but fuck. She has a job, a car, and a fabulous apartment. And before you ask, no, she won’t share. I suspect she sells them.
I get told to take Advil. It physically hurts like a morherfucker. My disability is broader and no one knows shit all about it. I was born with it, it is debilitating I’m talking 7/10 on a good day. Just had my appointment with my phych, I had to beg her for 15 .5 pills instead of 10. I don’t take that shit lightly. I’ll fight anyone who tries to take/sell them.
At least there’s always more vodka.
I have my cat whom I love more than life.
Chairs all.
How many of you hate the daytime? I try to sleep through as much of it as possible. I’ve never liked it, even before I drank. I’m always counting the hours until it’s over. I think it’s partially because I live in a crap apartment. I can’t see how dirty the carpets, walls and doors are when it’s dark. I always think it’s going to look better in the morning, of course it never does. It never gets clean despite anything being done. At least I can pretend I don’t live in the ghetto when it’s dark.Actually, that’s why I don’t look in the mirror either.
Chairs
Edit: Am I the only one who wants food in the middle of the night? During the day I could vomit, but every night I am so hungry. No money though. Ramen is cheap.
Hey ya’ll I just want to give a big shout out to our wonderful Miserable Monday man Fap. I don’t know how to tag people, but I think it’s awesome that he replies to all of us individually. I mean realistically, I don’t have any friends and it’s nice that he (and all of you) seem to care. Anyway, happy Tuesday to you all and I hope the rest of your week is bearable.
Chairs
What is your absolute favorite drunk song? I’m talking you’re weeks into a bender, you hate yourself, but you’ll stay marginally functional just so you can get wasted and hear it one (or 20) more times? Mine is Bloodstream by Ed Sheeran. Or possibly Beautiful Child by Fleetwood Mac. My mom is dead and that lyric is on her tombstone. God, she’d be so pissed at me right now. I never meant to be a drunk.
Chairs.
I’m dating myself really badly here. Why do people have to be such assholes on the internet. Like, I get it. People are going to judge you enough in real life. I always try to say a kind word or give a dollar to the most hopeless, selfish person I see. I don’t give a shit about myself. You guys are more kind than most “normal” people. May your night be peaceful and your bottle(s) full.
Chairs
I know alcohol raises your blood pressure but damn. I guess it’s the drinking combined with the hot flashes. It’s a fucking nightmare. It feels like being on fire sometimes. It’s 900 fucking degrees in this room. Can any CA’s relate?
Happy Monday.
How many of you drink on meds? Every medicine says not to drink while taking it. I do it anyway. Sometimes it scares me because what happens if I stop breathing? It hasn’t happened so it probably won’t but still. Sometimes I wonder if all these meds would actually do something if I quit. It hasn’t happened yet but still…
Do you all look in the mirror anymore? I don’t. With the combo of weight gain from psych pills/alcohol I find it better to just…not.
Edit: Told my husband I was suicidal today. For what reason? I don’t know. I hate my life, but I know how people with suicidal ideation are treated. Locked up. Abandoned. I’ve been in enough to know. Fuck, I need more vodka but I can’t get by myself to the liquor store. Three hours until he gets home.
Have you all ever read this book? I’m reading it again. I guess to try to not fall back into a bender. I just finished my worst bender ever. I don’t think I can handle (lol) another. This was 4 benders since my hospital stay in February. Insane anxiety, puking, the whole bit. I legit thought I was going to die for certain this time. Hope you all are enjoying your day.
Chairs
Skol vodka is the absolute worst fucking shit on the planet. It’s cheap though. Sometimes I miss my cherry Burnetts. It could be worse. Off topic but do any of you remember that guy who used to post about drinking hand sanitizer and perfume? I wonder if he got help.
I was thinking about it. How many of you guys are drunks because your parents were? Why did you start? I started because my asshole husband cheated on me. I tried to go home but my parents were selfish assholes. I ended up in the psych ward twice in 2008. I tried to kill myself. I was 24 then, I thought it would be easy. Nobody gave a shit. I think sometimes that all of my efforts to avoid this were for naught.
Curious what your highest BAL has been. Mine is .43. Not Bragging about it, it was awful. I got locked in an empty hospital cell for 30 hours I think. No heart monitor, no drugs. No phone, no personal effects. Hallucinated for hours. Basically jail. I was divorced in 2014, it’s now 2026. Trama sucks.