En route from MOH to no longer friends
I’ve been friends with the bride for almost 2 decades.
She was a pretty decent bride aside from the fact that her understanding of struggling financially is having 10k in her savings that she “won’t” use. While myself and another bridesmaid’s idea of the struggle is zeroing out our bank account with no savings.
Back story, I live a very drama free life, taking care of my elderly dogs and elderly parents - that’s where majority of my paycheck goes to. The other bridesmaid is a sahm whose husband recently lost his job. She has another relative in the bridal party who is wealthy but none of her other friends as they’re not reliable enough.
It all started when she asked us to be in her bridal party and said she would only cover the hair on the wedding day. That meant we had to cover: Makeup, dress, jewelry, nails,shoes, bridal shower, bachelorette, weekend away accommodation for the wedding and costs to get to and from all the appointments, the list goes on.
Over the past few years, her and her partner lost quite a few relatives that left quite a large inheritance for each of them(this, we only found out at the bridal shower). No, we did not expect her to spend her inheritance on her bridal party but it made more sense as to why she did not understand when we said we were broke that we were actually broke. But I quickly realized that both her and the other bridesmaid are able to maintain their wealth by contributing the bare minimum no matter how many times we said we didn’t have any money. I was then directed to her parents for money.
Anyway, after the sahm bridesmaid and her in-laws riddled her with money problems throughout the wedding planning process - some even borrowing money from her, I felt like I was in a tough position and did not want to add to the drama by saying that being a MOH is too expensive for me, even considered stepping down but didn’t, especially since she vented to me about everyone coming to her with their money problems. I even played devils advocate when she said her partners groomsmen disappointed him by rsvping no to his weekend away for his bachelor party. I mentioned that times are tough and not everyone has that type of money to spare. Again, she did not understand where I was coming from.
Fast forward to the wedding. My accommodation as the MOH was the worst out of everyone, sleeping on an air-mattress on the floor of an ice cold cabin about a 10 minute walk from her room (I paid the same amount as everyone else). She gave us robes as gifts, I am on the larger side and asked for a bigger sized robe, this was ignored and the robe didn’t fit, therefore I couldn’t be in the “getting ready” photos. There was an artist that drew portraits of all the guests, I was running around looking for people for the family photos that I ended up being the ONLY guest to not get a portrait drawn by the artist. Honestly, the whole weekend I felt like an afterthought, but I took it as, I’m there for her so as long as she’s happy I should be happy. After the wedding, her partner showed praise to his best man, whereas I just got a simple “thank you for being my MOH”. The only part I know I failed as a MOH was not being able to show up more financially and having to lean on her parents for additional funds - which I was told to. Also, at the beginning I asked her what she needed from me to which she said she’d prefer to take the lead with everything then ask me if and when she needed anything(she’s type A and prefers her own work).
Further backstory, I had never been in a wedding before, never knew what a speech should be like etc since we’re from different religions and although I vocalized this many times, I had zero guidance or help from anyone besides Google and ChatGPT. My speech was not well received - it consisted of me going down memory lane and speaking about their love, not providing advice(I’ve been single for 10 years, never married, what do I know about giving advice?), so I just followed the examples on the internet. She didn’t say it, but I could tell she wasn’t happy.
I suffer from major anxiety which has now peaked ever since the wedding, thinking about everything. I’m not confrontational and as I mentioned, I do not like drama(although she LOVES it) so I don’t even want to bring any of this up. I am beyond BROKE now and have no idea how I am going to survive the rest of the month which is even more disappointing considering my efforts were not well received by her. It’s likely I have a bit of resentment due to this. I’m so happy for her and that she’s finally had a life goal realized, but this past week did not echo our relationship whatsoever and if this is who she is as a wife, I don’t see how we will connect on the same level henceforth(I am the only single friend in the group and have zero interest in getting married).
Am I wrong for feeling some type of way? Looking for someone who survived the MOH as a best friend curse and are still friends now.
*** EDIT: Forgot to change the title to align with the story better ***