My roommate thinks I’m the problem and maybe I am?
TW Mentions of: Ab*se (physical, financial, emotional), m*sc*rriage
Hi THT fam, I have been a very long time listener but a first time poster. I never thought I’d need advice as bad as I do now. This will be a very long post and I’m very sorry but a lot of this is relevant.
Let’s start with our people involved (names changed for privacy):
Me, 21F
My boyfriend, Mike, 22M
Miranda, 18F
Miranda’s Fiancé, Nick, 18M
Now the backstory:
Miranda and I met in March 2025. We met because my POS ex boyfriend was friends with her POS ex boyfriend. My ex and her ex and I all lived together and when Miranda and her ex got together she started being at the house a lot. Me and my POS ex liked her so when she left her ex she stayed living with us and he left. My ex continued to suck and be ab*sive to me (this isn’t about him so I’m not getting into it) and I finally left him in late June 2025.
I spiraled, I developed a pretty bad dependency on alcohol for about a month. Miranda enabled. At the beginning of August I decided to be done and wanted to get my life on track again. By end of August 2025 I wasn’t drinking anymore but I was still in the party culture. Then I met Mike. It was truly love at first sight. We met on August 25th and started dating that same day. He moved in within a week (crazy, I’m aware but when you know you know) he’s still here with me and he is definitely NOT the problem.
He helped me realize over the next coming months that throughout all of my spiraling and my shitty relationships that Miranda had NEVER paid rent and also owed me around $800. On top of that she was making me exhausted and depressed and was ruling my life. She was keeping tabs on me like a clingy boyfriend and treating my car like her car but never putting gas in. In November 2025 she met Nick. Nick wanted to move in shortly after they met (I had known Nick from a distance so I was ok with that).
Immediately Miranda and Nick fought all the time and always dragged me into it. Then they’d gang up on me and make me the problem for “trying to break them up” even though I was just trying to support both my friends as best I could by telling them that they both need to be nicer to each other if they wanted to date. I asked them to move out and for Miranda to pay me back. Miranda freaked out on me and told me I was terrible and shitty and that I wasn’t her friend. Though, she did pay me MOST of what she owed.
Nick proposed to Miranda almost immediately. Miranda and I stopped talking as much, but Nick still called me when he needed a place to go to cool off from their fights because he has no friends or family in the area. She always would accuse me of trying to break them up even though he would always go back to her after he cooled off. When he would come over he’d sit in my spare room for a few hours while Miranda begged him to come home even though he would hit her then he’d go back.
Eventually I stopped talking to both of them because I was tired of Miranda screaming at me every time I tried to help Nick. In March 2026 they had a fight so bad that they got physical and the cops were called and charges were filed. Nick left back to his mom’s 2 hours away and took all of their joint savings with him, and I thought that was that.
Miranda begged me to hear her out. She basically said that Nick told her I was always talking shit about her, flirting with him (even though me and Mike are happy and healthy together), and trying to get him to leave her. She apologized for being mean and I accepted it and Mike helped me talk through what boundaries we needed.
Miranda and Nick got back together the next day. Nick had none of their savings anymore and had been at his ex’s the night before but Miranda still wanted him. She and I were still gonna work on our friendship.
Slowly, things got pretty good between me and Miranda. She didn’t demand my time any more, she didn’t pull me into their fights and neither did Nick, she didn’t beg for rides and if she wanted a ride she always offered gas money, her and Nick were holding solid jobs, and her and Nick even stopped fighting as often. It got to a point where they weren’t really fighting and when they were they were only yelling, not hitting anymore.
The last few months:
Fast forward to April 2026, Miranda finds out she’s pregnant. She immediately makes it clear she’s keeping it. Her and Nick are over the moon excited. I am excited for them. I help her to family planning to get a proper test to confirm it, I help her to figure out how to make it successful (she’s had a history of m*sc*rriages), I sit with her while she tells her step mom, I support her like a friend should. I even bought her a journal with supplies to start documenting her pregnancy.
About 2 days later Miranda and Nick got into a fight and Miranda’s grandma involved herself. She was physical with Miranda and punched her in the stomach. Miranda and Nick ask me to come get them because they don’t feel safe. Later that night after things calm down they go home. They realize that the grandma will still be there every day and start wanting to find a place to go.
Meanwhile, Mike and I are struggling with debt and no matter how much we work we can’t seem to get ahead of it. We find out that in July rent will go from 1200 to 1300. I am devastated. I start thinking about solutions. Mike and I do the math and realize that if we had a roommate paying 700 a month for about 3 months we’d be able to get almost caught up.
After extensive discussion we ask Miranda and Nick if they want to come stay with us. They had a decent savings and would be able to keep building it to find a place to go in 3 months that would have space for the baby and we would be able to save money. It seemed like a win win and we were all so excited to be giving it another shot.
They moved in mid April. Miranda asked me to order them a new bed and bed frame for their room because they didn’t have a card, just cash. We realized the bed frame wouldn’t be here in time so we cancelled it and went to get one in person. It ended up being 30-20$ cheaper than the one online. I asked Miranda if she wanted it back multiple times and she insisted that I keep it. They paid for the half a month they were there as well, paid for their own gas, respected rules, did their own dishes, contributed to groceries, when mid June came around they paid rent early, things were going great.
At one point I had asked Miranda to grab me McDonalds while she was out. I was hungry and didn’t get paid til the next day. I was supposed to pay her back but I genuinely honestly spaced it, though if she had brought it up I would have IMMEDIATELY paid her back. (This will be important later)
About 2 weeks ago Miranda and Nick started to fight again, bad. Me and Mike could hear them getting physical with each other from our room, though they’d never admit it and stop the second we said anything. But in private Miranda told me he was trying to turn her against me and was hitting her, begging her for sex and telling her that he was gonna spank their baby. I begged her to leave him. I told her that if they were still fighting like this when the baby was born I’d have to call CPS because I refuse to be idle while a baby is involved in this.
Things calmed down. Then one night they got into a huge fight because Miranda’s POS ex started working at my job and Nick decided that meant she’s cheating. She cried to me for hours after he held her down and screamed at her. I begged her again to leave him. They both decided to go back to Miranda’s step mom’s for a day or two hoping a change of scenery might help.
They haven’t been home in 3 or 4 days I think (I work over nights so I’m bad with time) they stopped in at one point and I pulled Miranda aside and asked her if things were all good with us and with the apartment and she said yeah, just that they needed to help her step mom. They still haven’t been home.
The problem:
Today out of nowhere Miranda sent me a huge text. Unfortunately, it was all on Snapchat and she decided to block me so I can’t see it. I’ve already put a request in to Snapchat for my data and will update when I get it. But basically she said she wants to move out and that she had 3000 in savings when they moved in and now she has nothing because of me and I stole her money for rent, stole her money from the bed frame and stole her money for Red Bulls and McDonalds and that I need to pay her 175 for stuff I owe her, and that she will be living here this month but then they’re leaving.
She also said that I took advantage of her putting gas in the car so I’ll break that down for you. She lost her job as soon as she moved in here and was using my car to DoorDash sometimes going 40 minutes to the next town over to make better money and being out all day doing it. Not to mention, Nick works a half hour away every day and she would bring him there and back. I work 3 minutes away and Mike works 6 minutes away. When it was she two of us we filled the car once a month. We don’t go out or do much, we like to sit and play games together or watch shows.
Miranda and Nick were always driving. Not to mention whenever I’d get the car back she’d always have filled the tank so I couldn’t have put money in if I tried.
She also said I was “butting in” to her relationship and threatening to call CPS on “her” “all the time” and trying to break them up. I feel like I don’t have to go into detail here but will if anyone wants it.
I called her to talk about everything and she basically tried to tell me how wrong I was even though I apologized for getting in her business and that it wasn’t my intent to make her feel like I had anything but the best interest of her and her baby at heart. I told her that I’d pay her back for the McDonalds that I forgot but as far as I was concerned the rest of it was not valid. She said she was sorry but she was just trying to “preserve the friendship” and I told her that I really didn’t feel like after her blind siding me and accusing me of lying like that, that there was any friendship to preserve. I did not yell, or cuss or anything, I simply verbalized that I was really mad and that I didn’t think her and I would be friends anymore. I told her she was obviously welcome to stay the rest of the month but that I agreed she should leave even though that royally screws me and Mike over.
We hung up and that was that.
I vented to Mike about what happened. He messaged Nick and said “if you guys were really that mad I wish you had talked to us and tried to work things out before just blind siding us like this” then all of a sudden Miranda starts to blow up Mike’s phone while he’s working calling him a liar and that I’m a POS and cussing and calling us names. Mike said VERBATIM: “Bitch what are you even talking about” and then I get a text from Miranda’s step mom saying:
I’m just going to say this once. I love you but if [Mike] ever talks to her like that again there will be other issues. This is between you girls and I’m sorry he should know that is not ok.
And in our group chat for the house which is over text luckily Nick sent:
Okay I don’t appreciate [Miranda] getting called a bitch and hope it won’t happen again cuz that shit pisses me off and I’ll leave it at that. But would like if we can all just move past this. I don’t have a problem living with you guys. We paid this month so I plan on living there. Me personally what I want is for everyone to be mature about this. I just want the talking stupid shit to stop like stuff related to me and [miranda] should break up and useless stuff like that. Stay out of our relationship and let’s just keep to ourselves until me and [miranda] move out.
On top of that Miranda blocked both me and Mike. So I’m honestly livid and I don’t know what to do. I can’t sleep, I can’t stop thinking about it. I feel like I’m going crazy. I don’t know if I’m wrong or what. Please if anyone read this far, any advice is appreciated. Thanks :/
TL/DR: My roommate and her fiancé decided me and my boyfriend are the enemy and now I don’t know how I’m gonna pay my bills or protect someone I thought was my friend.