Vent- post Abortion
I think I just need to get some things off my chest. I had an abortion about 2 weeks ago. It was a very wanted pregnancy, but I was unprepared to go through another Hg pregnancy while already having a toddler. I’d was pregnant with a different partner from my first child, and naively thought that maybe I wouldn’t experience the same pregnancy as my first. All the same symptoms came back and in two weeks I was throwing up 10x a day, not able to keep anything including liquids down. I couldn’t work, could barely be present for my son, and my home and health (physically and mentally) tanked. We were still in the very early process of looking at homes together. I knew I couldn’t follow through with this. And I terminated the pregnancy.
This was right after a miscarriage where i wasn’t certain on if i was ready for this or not, and after the miscarriage I knew what I wanted.
I feel like I should’ve tried to push it out longer, but my first hg pregnancy left me on disability so I wouldn’t get fired from my job, and on a reglan pump. I have a physically demanding job, it was already taking me out and I didn’t have another job lined up.
I blame myself for not preparing better, for thinking it wasn’t going to be as difficult as my first pregnancy.
My partner was so excited. I feel like I took something so beautiful away from him.
Mother’s Day was painful. I just cried all day. On top of it i don’t really have anyone. My partner told be “happy mothers day” and nothing else, but I feel it’s selfish to expect him to want to celebrate. My child is two so, ya know. No flowers or cards. I’m trying to move on but it all hurts so much. I’m working with a therapist. The grief feels so heavy. I feel like I’m stuck in a blip of time and space that doesn’t fully exist.
When does it get easier?