Why do i still not hate it
I was once an outgoing and emotional person, but as time passed, I learned things that I should never have had to learn at such a young age. Reality hit me hard, and through that process, I changed in ways a child should never have to. The world felt brutal, and while trying to understand it, I lost parts of my childhood. I lost many experiences and emotions that most children naturally get to enjoy.
As life went on, I became deeply curious about everything around me. Because of that curiosity, and because of the things I learned too early, I slowly became less emotional and less expressive. I was no longer the naive child who saw the world innocently. I am not saying I understood everything about life or the darkness within it, but I knew enough to change me permanently.
Over time, I became mostly emotionless. Then I met a girl who said she loved me. We spent time together, and unlike others, she did not hate me for the way I was. Instead, she wanted to understand me more. She often said that only she could truly understand me. For some reason, that scared me. I did not like being understood. I felt uncomfortable with someone seeing through me so deeply.
So I ended the relationship.
Deep down, I knew it was not the right thing to do because she genuinely cared about me and wanted to help me come out of this numb state. But I refused. Because of this emotional numbness, I struggle to love someone for a long time.
And honestly, I do not hate being this way.